Here Lies Jenny

It was all just too much.

She was drowned to death
Though her hair remains dry
She was stabbed to death
Though no wounds puncture her skin
She was beaten to death
Though she has no bruises
She was scared to death
For every word she muttered
She met a battalion of warriors
Wasting their breath on stolen ideas
Shoving insults and blows down her throat
Surrounding her in lies
Filling her mind with false concepts
Until the point of no return
Everyone pushed and shoved
Until the air left her lungs
And now, here lies Jenny

Author's Note

All critiques welcome and appreciated!

Reviews

[Mysana]

I am a huge fan of repetition, for this reason I like how you start with She then with Though. The only things is I would find it better if you mentioned the word puncturing her. You mention that she was stabbed to death didn't describe it in the end, that is the only thing I would possibly want to change. Good job Jeccka!

[Jeccka]

The idea is to show helplessness in the face of verbal abuse. The end is trying to show that eventually she couldn't fight back. Thank you! I really appreciate your input and I'm glad you like it

[Skai Rain]

This poem is so sad :(
Don't get me wrong, it is beautiful, well-written, and I loved it. It really tugged on my heart-strings. Great work.

[Jeccka]

Thank you so much! This was inspired by a real tough time in my life.

[MagicAl]

Great piece here.. perfectly captures how broken one can become.. :)

[Jeccka]

Exactly! Just what I was trying to show! Thanks for reviewing

[Alfred Kukitz]

Jenny crossed many lines, to many, until finally she crossed the last one. Heartfelt, sad a kind of everlasting echoing from the poem.

[Jeccka]

This one sure was from the heart. Thank you for reviewing, I appreciate it.

[Cristina]

ReadSwoop: Really nice work, easy to read and smoothly written. Captures exactly how I feel sometimes when people don't let me be.

[Jeccka]

Yes, I know the feeling! Thanks, glad you like it.

[Maladroite]

I think you don't realise how well you have chosen your words. This honestly almost made me cry and it's just perfect, i do not have other words for it. Keep up the good work :)x

[Jeccka]

I'm touched that it moved you to tears. I never thought this could impact someone so much.! Thank you! :)

[Persona]

So the persona is emotionally abused. I like metaphors. Surrounding her in lies to shoved aren't as good as the initial lines of the poem.

[Jeccka]

Thanks for your input! I appreciate it

[Persona]

You're welcome.

[J. K. Beach]

Well done! I like what you are saying in your poem very much; abuse is useless, for the abuser as well as the abused.

My only suggestion is this: Abuse, even verbal abuse, is an action. A strong action. Maybe the passive verbs in parts of your poem could be made active. It might get your point across in a more powerful way. Unless, of course, you meant to show that show that she "let" them abuse her, then I misread something and apologize for the interjection...

Keep 'em coming!

[Jeccka]

I was sort of trying to show helplessness on the abused end, I didn't really plan out this write - I was more just feeling down and wrote it so I see what you're saying. I'm really happy you liked it and totally understood my point, that abuse is useless for the abuser and the abused. Thank you very very much! :)

[J. K. Beach]

You are most welcome, Jeccka!