Prologue

The bar stinks of stale cigar smoke and spilt alcohol. The light is dim, barely scattering dull yellow flickers on the grimy walls as tinny melodies from the jukebox mingle with hushed dealings and growled threats. It's not a nice place, but it's not a bad place. It's even a good place for those who know the comforting arms of the gloom.

There's a man at a table, black hair and heavy coat blending in with the backdrop, one who has spent the last half-decade dancing in the shadows of Europe. He's like an artist in his own way, one who works with the whims and frailties of human greed rather than the paints or the clay. But rumour has it now that he's leaving, melting away. Which is what brings the other man.

The second man, pale, flits at the counter, barely a spectre in the murk. He doesn't belong, comes almost close, but doesn't. He stands on the other side of the scene, after instead of with. And he's after that first man there, before it's too late, because it's been too long already.

The year is 1937, Minsk, and on the fringes a world is stirring.

Author's Note

Reviews

[Friday]

As far as I can tell my review is late in coming :) If your aim is to set the scene then I think you've done a very good job. I think a prologue should be longer though but I really enjoy the wording balancing towards poetry.

[CLUTZ]

I'm going to start with something that might sound naggish (is that a word?) Your font is very distracting and hard to read, it may look good to you but on here it's really faint, so maybe make your font size bigger, bold it, or change it to something more practical.

As for the story itself, it's well written and I'm going to read more. But two things:

1. This prologue, to me, feels more like you're writing a play rather then a novel (which isn't a bad thing but throws me off a bit) &
2. This prologue as a start doesn't compell me to read more. I actually feel more like I'm obligated to or I'm not going to know what's going on, and I feel like to give you the review you deserve I need to know more. The prologue as the beginning of the story should draw your reader in and make it hard for them to put your story down. It shouldn't feel like an obligation but a privilege. When a reader is done with the first chapter of any story, if the writer has done his or job, they should feel lucky to have had the chance to read that authors writing.

You are obviously a good writer but this needs more. It doesn't have to be long, but it has to be compelling. Hope that helps and good luck on your story.

[Treo LeGigeo]

Been meaning to fix the font for a while. Finally got that done.

The prologue was just supposed to set the scene--somewhat literally--but I guess it's a toss up whether it was effective or not. Anyway, thanks for the feedback. This was my first time writing a chaptered story, and I really appreciate it.

[CLUTZ]

No problem

[once upon a time]

This is very intriguing can't wait to read more

[Hester Vane]

Love it! Full of suspense and intrigue! I have a question, would you mind if i post links to this, or this section on my blog. I am trying to create exposure for my writing and other amazing work from WC. Obviously I would post it as yours and put your WC name to it. My blog is about this genre of work and I would like to collate as much of it as possible. Anyway let me know. Great write.

[Treo LeGigeo]

Is that a comment on the prologue or the entire story? :-)

And getting linked would be awesome. Thank you very much! Any chance you could show me the page when you post it?

[Hester Vane]

Thats a comment on the prologue, Im working through the rest of the story! I will send you the link when I have posted it! I have only recently started blogging and i thought posting other work on there would be a good way to try and get some more hits!