In Which Ross Huron and Aragonia Felipo Discuss Toast

In Which Ross Huron and Aragonia Felipo Discuss Toast
September 8th, 2048, 1 : 3 7 (don’t ask me why Ari’s trying to feed Ross toast at this hour of the day, she’s just Ari, alright? Anyhow, someone’s messed with her computer clock, so her timing’s messed up…) P M

“Rise and shine,” mutters Ari rather sarcastically.
Ross, not moving, replies “I’m already up.”
“Yeah, well, wake up more, ‘cause breakfast is here. Let’s hope you like eggs.”
“What if I said that I don’t like eggs?”
“Then I’d advise you to nibble on the toast that I brought.”
“What if I said that I don’t like toast?”
“Then I’d ask what you want for breakfast.”
“What if I said I don’t want any breakfast?”
“Then I’d point out that breakfast is the most important meal of the day.”
“What if I said I don’t care?”
“Is this even a hypothetical conversation any more?”
“No.”
“I still say you have to eat breakfast. BREAKFAST IS HIGHLY IMPORTANT. EAT YOUR BREAKFAST. it is GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH.”
“considering that I’m already dying from blood loss, I don’t see how it makes a difference.”
“Yeah, but as long as you’re dying, you might as well have breakfast. Final meal of the condemned.”
“I still don’t like toast.”
”But toast is good for you! How on earth can you not like toast?”
“it is baked bread. How on earth can you even compare toast as something entirely different from bread? Why does it even have a different name than bread? Why does not mankind just call it bread?”
“Because ‘toast’ sounds better.”
“But I don’t like toast.”
“But it is good toast!”
“How do you know?”
“I made it myself!”
“sorry to insult your cooking, but I still don’t like toast.”
”Look, I’ll add some butter or jam or something.”
“I DON’T LIKE TOAST!”
“Good grief, you can’t not like toast. TOAST IS GOOD FOR YOU. ADMIT IT, AND EAT THE TOAST!”
“But I don’t like toast.”
”EAT THE TOAST!”
“I STILL DON’T LIKE TOAST!”
“EAT THE TOAST!”
“I don’t like toast, okay? shut up and admit it already.”
“Eat the damn toast!”
“Noooooo!”
“EAT THE TOAST! WITH BREAD AND JAM AND BUTTER!”
“Nooooo!”
“Toast is good for you!”
“I REFUSE TO EAT THE TOAST!”
“EAT THE TOAST!”
“I DON’T LIKE TOAST!”
“EAT THE TOAST!”
“I DON’T LIKE TOAST!”
“EAT THE TOAST!”
“I DON’T LIKE TOAST!”
“EAT THE TOAST!”
“I DON’T LIKE TOAST!”
“aww, shut up.” Huron, Ross, said. (Yes, that was backwards, never mind.)
“I don’t want the toast, Ari. Really. I don’t like toast.” Said Ross Huron .
“How is it humanly possible to hate toast?!”
“I don’t like toast, alright? Will you give it up already?” Said Ross Huron.
“No. TOAST IS GOOD FOR YOU!”
“I. Don’t. Want. The. Damn. Ing. Toast. You. Can. Eat. The. Toast. If. it is. So. Delicious.” Said Ross Huron.
“I made the toast for you!”
“I don’t want the toast! Eat the toast! I’m sure it is very good toast, and I will allow you to eat it in my place!” Said Ross Huron.
“But it is your toast! Eat the toast!”
“But I don’t like toast. Therefore I shan’t eat the toast.” Said Ross Huron.
“’Shan’t’? Where does that come from? The toast won’t kill you.”
“How do you know? Maybe toast destroys my mental capacities and makes me writhe in pain.” Said Ross Huron.
“Does it?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Said Ross Huron.
“Well, eat the toast and I’ll see if you hypothesis is correct.”
“Can you just drop the toast subject?” Said Ross Huron.
“No! EAT THE TOAST!”
“I don’t want the toast!” Said Ross Huron.
“EAT. THE. TOAST.”
“I don’t want the toast!” Said Ross.
“Look at the toast!” Ari waved it in front of Ross’s face. “The toast is good! I did not poison the toast! THE TOAST IS GOOD. THEREFORE, EAT. THE. TOAST!”
”Nooooo! I don’t want the toast!” Said Ross Huron.
‘EAT THE TOAST!” said Aragonia Felipo.
”Nooooo! I don’t want the toast!” Said Ross Huron.
‘EAT THE TOAST!” said Aragonia Felipo.
”Nooooo! I don’t want the toast!” Said Ross Huron.
‘EAT THE TOAST!” said Aragonia Felipo.
“I DON’T WANT THE TOAST!” Said Ross Huron.
‘EAT THE TOAST!” said Aragonia Felipo.
“I DON’T WANT THE TOAST!” Said Ross Huron.
“Fine, then, I give up.” said Aragonia Felipo.
“What?” Said Ross Huron.
“Yep. I GIVE UP.” said Aragonia Felipo.
“But you just spent forty – five minutes shouting at me to eat the toast!” Said Ross Huron.
“Yeah, well, apparently you don’t want the toast. So I won’t make you eat the toast.” said Aragonia Felipo.
”Oh.” Said Ross Huron.
“So. I shan’t force you to eat the toast. End of story, end of debate.” said Aragonia Felipo.
“’Kay then. I’ll just go back to sleep.” Said Ross Huron.
”Sweet dreams,” muttered Aragonia Felipo. Darn. Reverse psychology did not work.
Ross rolled over and went back to sleep. But he did not have sweet dreams. He remembered his worst memories.

 

Author's Note

I really hope you skipped over the bit where Ari and Ross were just yelling at each other about toast.