Roger

Yard work is for losers.

     All and all things had begun to lose their excitement; or rather life itself had.  There was no reason to expect this morning to be too different. 

    But it was.

    For seven years my neighbor Roger, a very easy to get along with chap and a decent fellow had requested a spanking in lieu of his twice-yearly bonus.  This in itself could not be taken as being too odd, after all some companies distribute scrawny turkeys, gassy hams or God-awful fruit cakes instead of monetary bonus’.  A spanking is not all-together unreasonable. 

    This odd shift in behavior came with added benefits for me as Roger had taken to excessive yard work and house painting, and not just his own mind you.  I had not painted my house nor trimmed so much as leaf in six years.  It was like having a free lawn-service over each day. 

    So when I saw him in his night shirt, naked from the waist down, returning from his morning stroll I pretended not to notice.  Roger engaged me in a great many topics, ranging from the political to the artistic for well over twenty minutes when a very queer look washed over his face.

    “Say,” he paused, “aren’t you the least bit curious why I haven’t got any clothes on?”

    I wanted to reply that I was only really concerned about the state of my shrubbery, which had begun to get quite shaggy, but I thought better of it.  “Well,” I cautioned “I had been wondering…”

    He stiffened in preparedness. 

     “I have decided to ignore cloth.”  He gave a brief nod as if to convey the importance of the thought and made a swift stride to his own front walk.  “Clothing has gotten far too heavy a load to cary in this world,” he sputtered (now shouting more than speaking and doing so as to include all present, which by now was most of the street).

    Two hours had passed and Roger was delving deeper into whatever madness was possessing him, but at least it was very engaging.  Roger had now burnt nearly all his own clothing in the front garden and was dancing around the remains.  A small white car arrived with a squeal of brakes and the occupants bore a strong resemblance to nurses or doctors but carried the same air as a police officer might.  Roger left quietly.   

     No, life was not any more exciting than that.  There will be a new neighbor, someone who quietly accepts his company's turkey bonus.  Things will move on smoothly. 

     My hedge will need attention now, but things will go on.