This Could Be The End

This is a poem I wrote while I was feeling down.

I can't breathe, 

Like I'm slowly drowning, 

In deep, dark waters, 

I can never find the surface.

I question my happiness, 

Is it real or fake?

All I know is it never stays, 

The truth is nothing lasts forever.

I guess I just have to have hope, 

But in this world we live in, 

That is something so rare, 

And I know, because I've lost mine.

This is a sad, beautiful place, 

But deep inside my broken heart, 

I don't feel right here anymore, 

So with these words, I say my sad goodbye.

Author's Note

Please, comments and critique are welcome.

Reviews

[DaughterNature]

I can tell you're feeling very emotional in this piece, but all the powerful emotions get lost behind the very cliched imagery you chose to use. Remember, poetry is not just about writing down how you feel, it is about choosing each and every word with extreme care, since a poem is composed of so few words. Additionally, that care should extend to the way you craft your poetry -- make sure that spelling errors (like "breathe" instead of "breath" in line 1) don't detract from the beauty of your piece. I challenge you to write phrases that do not end at line endings, and allow your thoughts to flow through the piece, rather than chopping them up into lines, as that style usually reads as inexperienced and clunky. Good luck!

[FlamingPhoenix]

Relatable, as I have certainly had my down moments. I often remind myself that nothing, not even despair or loneliness or hopelessness, lasts forever!

[wordman]

I wonder how many people live like this going through the motions of what people say we should live and feel while we are drowning

[Sami Khalil]

I hope it is not your end but a beginning to a great future...Bravo..............