6

It has been about four months now since Billy and I started our secret affair. He hates it when I call him that, but I like to tease him. In a strange way I’m sort of happy. Mind you, I’m still using him to get out of here, which is taking much longer than I originally anticipated. However, sometimes I actually enjoy it. Not always, but it's different than with The Beast. It's often rough but never as rough as it gets with the drunken Beast. I desperately seek the courage to just make another move, ask him to take me to the city. I know he's satisfied with our current arrangement; if I pressure he might stop all together. I see him 2-3 times a month. We meet, we get to it, then he meets my uncle. Once in awhile we lay and have a chat for a few, it's a rarity though. Luckily The Beast is so busy at that time, arranging the order, he never notices my absence. I know it can't go on like this forever. It works for now though. Both parties are prospering off the deal and so I know their partnership will continue for a long while. Eventually though, The Beast will notice something is afoot. Work may come first and preoccupy his mind but I’m a close second. I need to move my plan along quicker.

I sit waiting for Billy to arrive at our usual time and place. I decided to bring a book as I wait and while reading I quietly hum to myself. My hum breaks into to a favorite song of mine:

Her eyes they shown like diamonds,

you'd think she was queen of the land.

With her hair thrown over her shoulders,

tied up with a black velvet band.

I begin to sing louder, and as I finish the verse I hear applause and turn around to see Billy grinning that grin and clapping his hands.

'Wowie,' he whistles, 'my little chippie. You sure are a swell singer. The cat's meow.'

I've never really been complimented on anything, so I shake it off.

'Ah go on now. You've already got under my skirt, no need for flattery.'

'Honest. You're a real sharp singer. What's that song though? I've never heard it before.'

'A song my mother used to sing. She said her mother learned it back in Ireland. Must be some sort of Irish folk song.'

'Well my little bird, you sing like a bird. A poor bird in its cage you are.' he stops and gazes at me with a pensive look on his face. I instantly get excited and my heart beat increases. Bird? Cage? Is he about to offer to free this bird?

'Say, I have an idea,' he continues. A hummingbird starts rapidly beating in my chest.

'Yes Billy?' I smile, 'what is it?!'

'With a voice like that you should be singing new tunes. All sorts of neat songs coming out these days. Would you be interested in hearing any?'

I'm ecstatic, he wants to take me to the city and see some real singers!

'Oh yes!' I jump up.

'Calm down there doll, it's settled though. I'll bring you one of those fancy new radios next time I come down. I'll give it to your uncle and say it's a business gift from Sam. It'll be set up and running in no time.'

I feel my heart shatter. He must see the disappointment on my face.

'Well, what's that face for? You just swallow a lemon? You were about to blow the non-existent roof of this joint a second ago.'

I recover and show a sweet smile.

'That's just swell Billy, honest. Thank you so much. I just thought...”

'Out with it, come on doll.”

'I thought you were going to say you wanted to take me to see real singers in the city, that's all.'

'Ain't that an idea,' he laughs me off. 'Imagine the look on your uncle's face. Talk about sour lemons.' His face suddenly turns serious. 'He can never know about us. Our dealings are far too important. I can never take you anywhere, I thought you understood that. Business first sweetheart, pleasure after. That's how I run; always have and always will. But come here, I'll put a smile back on that porcelain face.'

He reaches over and kisses my neck as he unbuttons my dress. Then he takes my face in his hands and starts to deeply kiss me. I let him conquer my body, this time though I don't enjoy it.

* * *

'Music these days is shite.'

The Beast walks into the kitchen holding a wooden box in his hand. I had completely forgotten about the whole radio promise made by Billy and to be honest I wasn't entirely sure what a radio was, what it did or how it worked.

'Some business gift or some garbage, I was going to through it out but considered that maybe you'd get a kick out of this heap of junk. If I find it too loud or irritating, it's gone.' He sets it on the table and walks back out the kitchen door, heading for the barn.

I decide to finish all my chores before I investigate further, I don't want to give him reason already of getting rid of it. There's no cord, just a box with a few strange knobs and buttons. The name 'Miracle' is embedded on the front. I suppose it's a model name, I like it. I'm a bit nervous however, I'm not sure why. I turn one of the knobs and an incredible amount of noise instantly fills the kitchen. Too loud to understand what's happening. I get a fright and quickly switch it off. I notice another knob, must be the volume control. I turn it down, then switch the power back on. Oh it's beautiful! A man's angelic voice comes through the speakers, radiating out of my new wooden toy.

I'm like a flower that's fading here

Where ev'ry hour is one long tear

Bluebird, Bluebird this is my lucky day

Now my dreams will come true

Pack up all my care and woe

Here I go, singing low

Bye, Bye Blackbird

I'm in love. I've never known joy the way I do now. I feel every song is being written and sung just for my ears. I listen for hours while I make dinner. I know I should turn it off before he returns, but it aches me just to think of cutting off the sound. I finally muster the courage and switch it off. The silence is deafening. Has silence always been so silent? It's awful! The turn of the knob has turned my glee to depression, my new found paradise to the same old hell I've known for years. Just as I reach out my hand to turn it back on and stop the torment, The Beast comes through the door. We eat our dinner in that dreadful silence. That night in his room , instead of counting, my head sings those wondrous songs and replays the magical music I’d heard during the day. A smile is spread across my face the whole time, like it's the most natural thing in the world.