The Lie/Truth in the Mirror

This is about what I see in the mirror. I have body dysmorphic disorder.

Walking into the light of the mirror,
Looking down,
Knowing what will happen
When I look up.

I look up anyway,
Immediately my body in the mirror morphs.

The small bulge of my stomach turns into a potbelly.
My hourglass curve turns to a bulge.
The little fat on my arms and legs turns into sagging weights.
The few unnoticed pimples on my forehead break out into large,
Red,
Zits,
All over my face.
My perfect hair turns into an oily mess.
The usual bags under my eyes turn purple and they sag.
My perfect teeth turn rotten and grimy,
My skin crawls.

I
Am
Gross

I
Am
Ugly

I
Am
Useless

I
Am
Unloved

I
Am
Imperfect

I
Am
Hideous
I
Am
Graceless

I
Am
Worthless

I
Am
Lithe

I
Am
Obese

I leave the mirror’s light,
My body disappears from my sight,
I sit down on my bed,
Tears fall from my eyes
And wet my skinny jeans.

This is normal.

I
Am
Me

Author's Note

I hope you aren't like me. This is horrible to go through and at one point, I broke a mirror with my fist because I was so angry and sad.

Reviews

[poetgurl]

I can feel this write, it's all in there on how we feel at times. nicely presented

[angel]

Oh, no, my dear child! Your own eyes are almost always the most critical where your image is concerned,
When I was young, everybody told me how beautiful I was, but I didn't believe them. I knew they were wrong...I had a weird, turned-up, Irish nose, uninteresting grey eyes, and thin lips. My hair was nice, but... add to that a flat butt and long, gangly arms and legs, as well as ridiculously huge breasts, and I was very unhappy with the way I looked, so I understand how you feel.
Yet I was able to make $16 an hour--a fortune in 1974--an hour (as a model), and I caught the eye of a megastar (though not, alas, his heart!).
I'll bet that you are just lovely.Even if you're not, how bad could it be?
Have you ever read about John Merrick, aka The Elephant Man?
Few people were half so deformed, yet as he was introduced to London aristocrats, he was found to be intelligent, witty, urbane, and utterly charming.
Come on, sweetheart! If John Merrick could wow 'em all despite a face even his MOTHER couldn't love, I know you can be a smash hit!
You paint a bleak picture of yourself, my dear, but I'm sure that what you CANNOT see in the mirror raises what you can see to something approaching loveliness, if not raving beauty.
I know there's no actual treatment for your disorder, but I hope it helps to know that many young girls--MANY--are affected this way by their mirror image.
I hope this helped.

[Trapped]

It helps a bit but, as you said, i cant change it. My friends say I'm beautiful. I try, but I end up looking terrifying with my raw red hands from scrubbing so much and bags under my eyes. (insomnia and OCD) Good times.
- Trapped

[angel]

If your friends say that you're beautiful, I am inclined to believe them. They're the ones who know.
Have you tried seeing a doctor about the insomnia & OCD?
I know this sounds lame, but it honestly does work: a glass of warm milk, or if you can't do that (some can't), a cup of chamomile tea with honey...or some SLEEPYTIME tea by Celestial Seasonings. They do work! My cousin was an insomniac. She couldn't do the milk, but the tea did the trick for her. Why do you scrub your hands, if I may ask?

[Trapped]

Yes i have tried for insomnia. I have medicine that doesn't work. I've tried all of those methods. I don't know why. I just keep thinking that there are trillions of bacteria on my skin and maybe I can scrub them off.

[angel]

You wouldn't want to do that. I mean, I know, you WOULD, but you shouldn't want to,for (I know, lame) some are beneficial. https://www.comfortzone.it/en/mag-news/skin/good-bacteria-protect-our-skin/
It's all right; relax, honey. Really.

[A.G.]

I am very sorry you have to go through that...I understand on a personal level and still am struggling with some things. You are brave for posting this, strong. Trust me, you are not alone. You are beautiful. You are someone. You are okay? This poem definitely makes me want to open up about a disorder I have...I don't know but I hope all goes well with you my beautiful friend. Smiles, stay golden 💛 and keep writing 😊 you write beautiful and your words are from the heart.
-Angelina 🖤

[Trapped]

No pressure. I have a purpose to write. To leave the world I live in and enter a haven. A haven where I can drop off my pain and leave it there. I seem to have a pile-up.
Would you like to drop off a bag?
- Trapped

[A.G.]

some are not ready to let go or drop off their pain just yet...im one of them lol but i'm trying...writing definitely lifts the pain off me at times. it takes time y know. smiles, but I am glad you are at peace in a way. good you have a purpose my friend (:

-Angelina

[Trapped]

Disclaimer: You could always drop off a small sliver of pain, just to try it out. You can even hide it with other writing.
- Trapped

[A.G.]

Maybe...maybe...
(: I might

[Trapped]

Pain in endless. Maybe a sliver of relief can show you why I write.