Lost With Out Her

Open my status my books undamaged,
Every dream that I have i'm damaged,
I'm losing my talents with out special things,
In my life, what hell am I here for,
Sensed and banned myself from being in love,
Since the break up I have fallen out of the trust swang.
Poppin the pills like i'm poppin the lies right, on my feet.
Maybe if I wouldn't have played with her heart
We would have not torn ourselves apart from the start.
Sick of my cell phones the s**t is retaken on my knees.
Hoping that she knows i'm still in love with her glow,
I'll give up the High dome,
Don't you understand, can't you hear me,
I'm Lost with out her.
It's been a damn year, put on muscle with no fear
But that's not enough,
I'm stuck in the damn dirt, i'm feeling so damn hurt
With out her.
Open My wallet, her face is recalling straight to me.
I wished that I never fell out stupid and left the east.
Somedays I'm a growned man, other days I wish I could see her face
Embarked with these bridges of treasury lust in paced.
Her kisses are sweet well,
I finish with no tale
Working on the new album
As I am
With out Her I am not complete.

Reviews

[MJ Durston]

Overall, it's cute in an angry way. It doesn't seem like you're incomplete without her, it sounds more like you're angry at the situation.

Something Bad: Doesn't flow so well, but maybe that's how it's supposed to be. I think you may have overused the cursing technique. Sometimes it really adds to the poem, in your case it took away from the poem and made it sound childish. Also Grammatical errors were obvious.

Something Good: The emotion was there, I can see what's being felt, and feel it, I can picture the depression and anger. But if you're so incomplete without her, you should have spoke about better times that ade you happy, it makes it more realistic.

Anyway Good job,
Keep writing,
Melissa.