Heart is Stronger Than Body

A loving heart beats a hollow body.

I look at myself in the mirror, and I cry. I'm overweight. No one will want to play sports with me. I have acne and my teeth are yellow. No one will compliment my smile. My nails are dirty and the skin of my hands are dry. No one will ever hold my hand. I smell weird. No one will ever hug me. My lips are chapped. No one will ever kiss me. I am a mess. No one will ever love me. These are the thoughts that go through my head when I see myself. I count every single one of my insecurities. I point each one out and count them as another reason why I'm not worth it. I tried to hide it under makeup and dress differently. Everyone called me fake or said I was copying someone's style. I decided to dress like an anime girl, to look cute, but everyone called me a weeb. I tried to dress like myself, comfortable, and everyone called me disrespectful. I decided to dress girly, and everyone called me a wannabe. At this point I felt unwanted. Like a broken tool that's now worthless. Mom said to try sharing my talents with people. I wish it was that easy. I don't know what skills I could possibly have, being mentally ill to the point my coordination and ability to react is all messed up. I struggle to turn pages in books and tie shoes. No matter how slow I write, each letter is scribbly and incorrectly sized. I finally resorted to just accepting things as they come and treating people respectfully. I thought that if I physically can't show off, I'll love all. No matter how bad my coordination is, that doesn't mean I can't make someone happy. Doing this made me feel better. People found positives in my insecurities. Many said my clumsiness and chubbiness is cute. My acne and dry skin (including my chapped lips) is an easy fix and I shouldn't let it get to me. The smell issues can be fixed by perfume or even better self care. They remind me that no matter what I wear people will judge, but that's okay because either way, people will still appreciate me for who I am. Lastly, they had me keep in mind that even if I'm physically incapable of showing off, a loving heart is the most impressive skill to have of all. And they were right. The environment of equally caring people couldn't make me happier. Don't drown in your insecurities. Someone will love them, and you.