Dear diary.....12-15-04

Me when i'm mad

What a s****y frame of mind----that makes me scream and cry.-----My fists are clenched------------my teeth they grind.----- mundane thoughts and random rhymes----- float through prepared time.----So collective and yet deceptive are the ones that I have met.-----But so flimsy and avarage in concept----. How my eyes they burn inside---to see such hate in others lies.---they either do not realize or recognize--------that others have grown to despize----- the evil that lays inside their eyes.----My body shakes and quivers at the thought---------that these behaviors are learned than taught..-----to unknowing brains that go insane at the first glance of reality and fame.---My mind it worries so---that people will never grow---to know this about their foes.--So naieve and blind----they waste there energy and time---with people who are not worthy of their lives. 

 

So few are the people that I know-----who have learned me a lesson---and helped me grow.  Dan--Josh---Dave---Pete--Taryn---Jemima---and ---yes----Jesse!

 

Dan---Why the hell do you play with girls that strip on stage.---why do you own a home you cant afford?----And why is Becky the one you adore?----All she does is try to change---you---and mend your awsome ways.---"Dont smoke pot"----"Dont drink"---"Dont go to daves"----"and d****t Dan just dont think"----Becky?----what!!!-----are you ashamed----of Dave and the descisions hes made!----I hate you!----you f*****g prude!----Dan im sorry to say this----about someone you should diss----but i cant dismiss this crazy s**t!----She is such a b***h---and you have yet to realize this!---Dave and I are your friends---and for what we would do for you there is no end.----All i ask---is that you wake up---and give up that stupid s**t.

 

Josh:  You make me sick------You have yet to know this---Beat Me!!!----Ill beat you---cause that s***s too long over due.----I once loved you----for you!!!----I felt inadequate-----Blue----abused----now I realize----its you.----F**k You!!!----I gave you all I had----even though you made me mad---sad---unable to function---and placed in rehab.----Yeah I tryed to kill myself----You had me living in my own private celll----my own helll-----a place where my only escape was to take all those pills.----I thought you would be there for me----visit me----tell me that you loved me---that you were sorry----and that you needed me----but now I see---you are a real  peice of s**t Joshua P Marley!!!-----two weeks ago----when we met at your house--------i told you I missed you-------I just want to say-----F**k You----get alife---dont call---and dont write----cause there is no room for you in my life!!!

 

Pete:   Look----you are sweet---but please----get the f**k over me!!!----I know that sometimes----its hard to believe----that there will never be a possibility----of a you and a me---It hurts me to say this to you------I just dont love you----get a f*****g clue.-----you always stay in my bussiness-----whats up this this!---You shouldnt worry about me----and who i choose to kiss----step off----get a life---cause I have already made up my mind.----Oh, and about last night-----the guy on the phone WAS -----someone I like.----and who I write----and share my life and thoughts with----so please accpet this----and your life----get on with it---S**T!!!!

 

Taryn,   Yo!----you are my best friend.-----but stop sleeping around----cause that s**t---- is making you look like you just go around----with any one----it makes you look dumb----and the guys ---think you are a s**t!!!-----for sharing your c**t.----Your ex hates you----get a clue----stop trying to make it work---its just making you blue!---And im saying all this----cause I love you!---I hate watching you go down-----literally----on anyone that comes around-----so please stop------listen---and stop yourself----from dissin----you.

 

Jemima---i know you are bipolar----got an eating dissorder---and think that the world has disowned ya.----the world is depressing---but you need to stop stressing---over every little piece of s**t you are digesting.----cause it aint that bad----and I know that you are sad----and doctors tell you you are mad----that you are scitsophrenic---manic----and unable to hadle it---I know you miss your son----and think that the time will never come---when the two of you unite----under the same f*****g sun.----i know cause that s**t sounds like my life----so know you have me----and that I make you happy---and just try ----to set your mind at ease----hope you find peace----just reember--- you got Taryn and me!!!

 

Jesse  All I can say is geeze luiese! ----are you happy arguiing with Binky---over a god damn f*****g CD!----Cause its probably----just the fact that reality----bites!---and its just easier to use the internet----as safety devise---away from the truth and people who think ----that life fits into a standard type---and she probably cantfucking handle it! Alright!----I just want you to see----the possibilities----of it----and if you cant deal----get real!!!----When are you going to see me!!-----someone that shares so many similarities!!-----with you----geez Louieese.-----I  just want to meet withyou----talk some s**t-----and play some tunes----maybe rock out on our guittars!!.  ------I know we live far-----but its just a short while in a car----and I cant wait to be where you are!----But if you cant relate-----than all I can say----is that im immune to fate----just hope that you relate!!! 

Tracy bree