Gone

writing exercise one less word per sentence start with 20

The bell atop the steeple rang incisively with excruciating clanging sounds that ate at the very core of my being. 

Falling to my knees, covering my ears, I was painfully being subjected to the noise and I screamed pathetically. 

A kind woman, who was incidentally passing by, stopped her car and got out to check on me.

Tenderly taking my tear stained face into her hands, she drew me close against her soft bosom.

My only thoughts were refuge from the agony as I buried myself deep into her cleavage. 

Even though barely being able to breathe, I welcomed her relaxing heartbeat and soothing voice.

I didn’t move until the shock waves of the ringing instrument high above stopped.

Glancing up, I saw the beautiful Samaritan who had come to my aid.

Her steel blue eyes pierced my heart and quickly melted my soul.

She stroked my face and hair asking if I was alright.

I smiled sheepishly and thanked her for her kind concern.

Rising to my feet, I then walked with her,

Her vehicle was only a few steps away.

My mind begged her to stay here.

Would I ever see her again?

Why wouldn’t my tongue speak? 

The car door opened.

My heart sank! 

She smiled.

Gone!

Author's Note

enjoy

Reviews

[barleygirl]

The reason this is so successful is becuz -- not only did you do the 20-word exercise as described -- more importantly, you made the shrinking word count MEAN SOMETHING! You made it into a palpable squeezing in of time & opportunity, which is the crux of SHOW instead of tell. I love how this pulls the reader in & tightens the grip as it goes along. My only bump is your fondness for adverbs (words that end in -ly). Maybe I've been influenced by Stephen King's book "On Writing" (he hates them), but a sentence like your line 4 could also be: "taking my tear-stained face into her tender hands" -- look for ways to get rid of those adverbs & make your sentences more direct . . . just an idea (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Trace]

Thank you for the suggestion... I see what you are saying. I'll have to watch out for those ly words popping up unnecessarily. (((smiles))) Trace

[Glenda-Mark]

Excellent job!
Words are all I have

[Samuel Dickens]

This one leaves a guy breathless! Such roadside emergency care should require a followup, don't you think? You've put an image in my head I won't soon forget.

[Trace]

Thank you, It was a writing practice I did for fun. Maybe more will follow!