Prologue~Page 11

Really need help on this one!

I held Danica closer to my chest, fear was beginning to overtake my senses sending my whole body into shock, I had just killed a man. No, he was going to kill me! “You got a strong girl there, to bad she has to go.” I still hadn’t registered what he had said before a knife was at my throat slicing through the soft flesh.  Fresh tears came to my eyes. I would never be able to watch my child grow up. I didn't want to die!

“No!” Was the last thing I heard before falling to the ground unable to breath.

* * *

I couldn’t move, my whole body was shutting down, this was my fault it shouldn’t have happened. But it had and I watched as Sharece fell to the ground blood pouring from her neck. I wanted to cry, to fall and give up on life never live another moment. Danica began to cry as she rolled from her mothers arms, I looked at her bloodied clothes to scared to really do anything. Itzal picked Danica up, holding her away from his body inspecting her. It made me uneasy to watch him analyze her like an experiment.

“Didn’t tell us you had a kid…” He looked at me accusingly, “Why is that?” I was still to shocked to say anything, I looked down at Sharece and droped to my knees, tears began streaming down my face. Two men hauled me up and stood me in front of Itzal, “So tell us, Elisha, why did you keep her a secret?” He looked at the girl in his arms, “Is she the one we seek?” I looked at my daughter, she was nestling into Itzal’s embrace, she was comfortable in his arms. It sent a shiver down my spine at the realization she did not fear him, even children could feel danger, and she had fell comfy in its arms.

I shook my head no, and I didn’t really bother looking at her any longer, I couldn’t. Itzal smiled wickedly, “She sure seems at home, maybe I should keep her. She could be of some use when she gets older.”

“No!” It was out of my mouth before I had even thought it, “Let her stay, please. I don’t want her apart of any of this. She is just an infant.” Itzal eyed Danica a little longer, weighing his options, “Hmm. You are right, there is no time to be taking care of babies round here.” And he laid her on the bed, turning, he left the room. I didn’t hesitate to leave, I didn’t want to. I feared for my child, but staying any longer would only cause more heart ache. Looking back at her one last time I left the room, praying I would be back soon.

Author's Note

I really think it needs some work so I would love some constructive criticism please :)

Reviews

[Wolfhilde]

very nice written!! I want to know more!

[Elizabeth Porterfield]

Holy s**t!!!!!!! This is brilliant!!! Although, you might want to mention what Elisha can see of Danica's aura. If Sharece can feel it and it's stronger than anything she's ever felt before, then surely Elisha could see something pointing to her power. Wonderful write!!!!! I love this and I can't wait to read more of it!!!!!!

[AK]

Nice chapter actually!
'senses' not 'senesces'.
It would be really nice if you explain the pain she felt when the knife sliced her bare skin.
Other than that I think it is brilliant. No problems at all with this piece..
Keep writing!