One Day.

I'm intoxicated by your essence
Like some sweet red wine
As my lungs try to take in air I breathe your fragrance in
Addicted to your loving ways a fire burning from within

My heart is like a butterfly fluttering before it dies
Touch me with your velvet touch and all I can do is sigh
The nightengale sings our song the breeze speaks your name
All the flowers hang their heads it seems that your to blame

Yours is the voice i want to hear when night steals the day
The only one i want with me when stars come out to play
I beg the moon to watch over you while you're far away
And send a little message that together we'll be one day.

Reviews

[Lanky]

I really really like this, its an adorable piece! Its quite a refreshing change from all the more depressing pieces i've reviewed today. I love they rhyme scheme and the way everything flows. I feel touches of emotion in the writing that compare to my own life. I believe that what poets want more than anything is to have their writing connect with another individual and this piece definitely does that.

[MissWordSmith]

very nice!
"My heart is like a butterfly fluttering before it dies" beautiful line.

Just one thing,


I beg the moon to watch over you while YOUR far away

Your should be You're or You are.

[Missing Part]

This is an amazing poem cant wait to read some of your other ones

[Simpleasures]

Now I see where the are you happy poem comes from? When I write poetry I rarely use any punctuation, so I'm sure they really won't like mine. This is nice. "Yours is the voice I want to hear when night steals the day." That's my favorite line. So sweet. Keep sharing your heart, it's beautiful.

[Tainted Devotion]

Just some issues with the commas and some spelling needed to be fixed here and there. But other then that, I think it's absolutely beautiful. I love how deep and meaningful it is. And also love the imagery here. Very stunning poem. :)

[Vanessa Macanas]

This is absolutely wonderful! Love the last stanza. Great job!!

[Bette]

i like this great wording. thanks for sharing

[Chelsea.]

This made me smile :)
The only thing i see is that youre missing various commas here and there, but overall nice poem.

[Jane Doe]

cannt there be10000000000000000/100 i mean really update wc really
LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Kon™]

Full of emotion.
Touching.
Beautiful.
Imagery.
The makings of a great poem. Amazing job :)

[...]

good rythym and flow. Really liked this one, good job.