The day my season ended

Revisiting the days of innocence and loss of

Baseball was my passion
that year when the world
still seemed like a safe place
to hang my hat.  Dad was
buying horses left and right
while Mom shook her head
and kept her silence knowing
this was just another one of
his wild-a*s hairs that seemed
to get a little crazier each year.
Credence Clearwater Revival
was hot and singing songs
about rain on the radio.  
School was out and I would
go over to the creek to swim
after I finished whatever chores
Mom had me doing those days.
Sometimes I would lie on the
Devil's Bed rock next to the
little falls where the biggest
trout liked to feed and listen
to the bugler from the Army
burial detail playing taps for
that days funeral. I wondered
what it would feel like to be
the son of the soldier getting
buried up on the hill having
to wear a suit and not cry. It
always gave me a lump in my
throat. My brother said it was
a shame and Johnson should
be shot instead. I always agreed.
We all watched the nightly news
together after supper and before
Hogan's Heroes came on.  The VC
were handing it to our guys in
a place called Hue and Mom cried
when a South Vietnamese officer
pulled out a pistol and BANG
shot that dude in the head
right there in front of god, me,
Mom and everybody. I went to
bed that night and  decided that I
wasn't going to pray any more.
We lost every game for the rest
of the season and I didn't care.
I've never forgiven that officer
for shooting that guy dressed
in black right in front of me,
god, my Mom and everybody. 

6/3/14

Author's Note

Longer prose is not my forte. Suggestions welcom.

Reviews

[Tree]

I appreciated the deep, sentiment here. Prose/narrative poems have always had a soft spot with me, and here you ran right into mine. My only suggestion, with this type of poetry, is try and format the piece as close to the author's natural speech pattern as possible, meaning, line breaks must be spot on, or when that doesn't occur don't be afraid to use commas, or semi colons, as long, as it feels natural. I found that for the most part, you accomplished this. Very hard to do, unless you have a proven formula that always works. A poet here, wk.kortas, you might be familiar with, does this with perfect efficiency.... Me? not so much. I just keep working the structure until it feels just like my voice, yet at the same time, holds true to its poetic/ DNA...

A moving piece, Rick

[Rick r]

thank you, diego. As always, I appreciate your close reads and comments.
Rick