Introduction

Being one of the most powerful sorceress in the county is probably the best thing in the entire world. I’ve got fame, fortune, power, influence...well I had all those things. Up until my little disagreement with the Council of Magic. And by ‘little disagreement’ what I mean is I blew up one of their court houses. To be quite perfectly honest they kind of deserved it. But I’m jumping ahead of myself. You’re probably reading this and saying to yourself, “Hold up, sorceress? Council of Magic? But Magic doesn’t exist!” Oh, silly mortal worry not. I shall explain, yes magic does exist. And it lives right alongside you. I live in Dayton Ohio, and go Bellbrook High School just like any other teenager, I have tests, go shopping with friends, and I’m in the marching band. But I also have purple blood running through my veins which marks me as a sorceress. I come from the Reono bloodline, one of the most powerful bloodlines that exist today. Which is how I earned the title “Most powerful sorceress in the country” at the age of 18. The Reono bloodline is made up of almost all sorcerers and very little mortal blood. This means that magic comes very naturally to my bloodline. Normally a sorcerer wouldn’t be able to master a flying spell till their late teen years, but I was zipping through the skies at the early age of 10. I entered the Sorceress Trails at the age of 18 which was never heard of. Because of the natural power in my blood I was able to defeat sorcerers that were multiple years older than me, they knew more spells than I but my magic was simply stronger. But magic doesn’t just come from anywhere, it comes from an energy called Elea. A sorcerer can only channel so much Elea without exhausting themselves, if a sorcerer attempts to channel more Elea then they can handle it can end in their death. The amount of Elea you can channel depends on your mental strength. Which means if you want to channel large amounts of Elea you have to study long and hard to strengthen your mind. Now that I’ve kind of explained how magic works let me explain what the Magic Council is, the Magic Council is a select group of sorcerers that have dedicated their time to studying the different uses for magic, they make all the rules for how magic can be used, and when it can be used. They also hold trials against criminals in the magical world. Okay now that I’ve explained the science of magic and the purpose of the Council of Magic.  Let me explain what my ‘little disagreement’ was; as one the most powerful sorceresses in the country it’s my job to go to old burial sights to handle certain magical artifacts. Every type of artifact holds Elea, when handling an ancient artifact the Elea can be absorbed into the sorcerer, if handled by a sorcerer who cannot contain the Elea the artifact could explode and be lost forever. Now that I’ve explained everything why don’t we start our story? It started back when I got called out to and ancient burial ground in the city of Athens in Greece…

Author's Note

Please ignore the grammar I'm still working on it :)

Reviews

[TheShadowsWithin]

This story had a great start and will turn into a great story after a bit of editing. All the mistakes I found are grammatical, and you said you're working on it. But otherwise, the story doesn't need to be changed. With a bit of editing, it will be even better.

[Matthew Ian Herrawood W]

its great to find another Fantasy novelist on here. We seem to be to far and few between. I like this but have a few suggestions.

Right near the beginning you say "To be quite perfectly honest they kind of deserved it." I suggest choosing either "quite" or "perfectly" and not using both. This may have been an accident (I've done it sometimes myself) but I think this will help it flow better.

this is minor but noticeable when you say about going to Bellbrook High School you miss the "to" here is a copy and past upto the second comma in the sentence
I live in Dayton Ohio, and go Bellbrook High School just like any other teenager

My Final suggestion and the biggest one is your repetitive use of "Now that I've explained..." you vary this once at the beginning with "Now that I’ve kind of explained how magic works let me explain what the Magic Council is" (also put a full stop here not a comma... and sorry about the grammer check) this repetitive use even with this slight variation is too much. you could cut this down to saying it just twice or even just once particularly as you don't need to say it every time you explain something you said your going to explain. perhaps try finishing how you have but take out the all the previous "now I have explained" bits and leave simply the part telling us what you will explain next.

This may seem like a lot but its a really good idea with a lot of potential I would really like to see Finished chapters.

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good introduction. Create good characters and story line. I like myth and tale. This is my kind of story. Thank you for sharing the very good introduction.
Coyote

[Rebq10102]

It sounds like Harry Potter, but the I think that the introduction is boring because you just cram it with information about your setting. All in all, I would read the book though. :)