He Loved Her

She was young,

She was quiet,

She was scared,

Her childhood left her with fear and scars,

Yet, he loved her.

She cried daily,

She never smiled,

She never could trust any one,

Yet, he loved her.

She was insecure,

Always gave up,

Always hid behind her pale blue eyes,

Yet, he loved her.

Her name was Kara,

Kara vanished, 

Vanished to a place he wasn't ready to go,

To a place angels walk, and some people fear,

Though many years later,

He being old and grey,

He loves her still. 

Reviews

[JayceeC]

This poem has really good bones but its a bit to much he she for me. Try to tighten things by getting rid of some of them. It may you change line breaks and structure but it will read better. If you need examples message me and I'll show you what I mean. Reviewing from my phone tonight so please forgive typos.

[Tori]

Thank you I might go back and edit the poem some and see if i can tighten it up, thank you for your review:)

[MFrano1]

I like the he and shes, because it highlights the fact that these are two completely seperate people- one who loves with all he's worth, not holding anything back, and the other who is too scared to say anything she feels. I think you should use they though to show their neverending connection. The ending is also kind of weak although this is a moving poem. Overall I like it and it's a good poem, the ending is the only exception.

[....................]

For some there is only one, no matter when they leave this world. Nice write.

[Kaytlyn]

You're gifted and I agree with her entirely. I always look forward to something new of yours. Amazing.

[ashlie]

omg! you are turely gifted like legit this is wonderfull