Down fall

(This is one of my first stories so feel free to leave criticism)

Down fall

They came like a storm, ravaging everywhere they went. We were surprised, they knocked out half of our population before we could start a counter offence. It seemed to be too late for us, until we killed one. These monstrosities are like nothing you have seen, they look like ogres and goblins mixed in one. They are strong, swift, and have indescribable capabilities. They can wield magic, and most dangerous of all, they can think. The problem we faced was that guns did not work on them, their skin could not be pierced by bullets. We turned to swords, bows, and having no mages, we made do by upgrading our arrows. For example, we use fire arrows, chain arrows (arrows that were attached to chains), and poison arrows, we also have cannons and we have all sorts of cannonballs. When used correctly this mix can raise havoc. In order to train we had to build a base, a castle. Every year students entered the school and they were assigned a class. The classes were: tank, the knights who were on the front lines, and ranged, these were the archers and cannons. My friends and I are all tanks.

"Man, I can't wait to finally graduate, 5 years of endless studying are finally done," 

"Jackson, don't take any offense to this but you are..." I pause not knowing what to say "something else." Jackson is one of my best friends, he could not wait to graduate since the moment school began.

"'Cmon, you can't tell me that you are not excited to leave this..." 

I cut in abruptly " this hole is what kept us safe! you are excited to go out in the unprotected, and leave everyone else behind, not knowing you're dead or not!" His smile, like my rage, faded quickly, and there was a sad mood in the air. 

"Dude, sorry for yelling, but you ave to understand that..."

 

A loud noise pierced the air as the adults started yelling " get in! go inside!" their yells faded and started to sound like a mutter in the rising panic. Something important to mark, we only use our battle formations during war, so in situations like this, there is no strategy unless you make one up with the person next to you. After graduating the students usually split up with two to three in a group.

"Ah!," all of a sudden i'm on the ground "Jack whats wrong with" there it was, right in front of my eyes, a beast like no other, my breath quickened, my heart raced, and all of a sudden, with my life on the line, adrenaline kicked in. In a move quicker than that of a cobra striking, I unsheathed my sword, grabbed my shield, pushed Jackson who was frozen with fear away,and lunged at the beast. Its hammer collided with my shield, as I deflected his attack, it felt like my arm broke, but I had no choice, it was now or never. The beast swung again, this time giving me a chance to dodge, I bashed its head with my shield, and followed through by mashing my shield to push the beast's hammer down, it looked at me, and with a rage charged.

 

That caught me by surprise, struggling to breathe as I'm trying to push this beast away I manage to say. "Jack I could use some help!" then out of nowhere an arrow pierced the beasts head, and it fell on top of me. I pushed it away, and, to my amazement, I saw beauty. She looked amazing, forgetting everything, I got lost in the ocean of her eyes. The only thing that broke this hold was the monster charging at her back. At the speed of a cheetah, mixed with the courage of a lion, I ran towards it. We collided head on, but my adrenaline was still rushing, I swiped my shield in a rightward motion, hitting it, this gave me just enough time to decapitate it. As it moved back i lunged and with a 360-degree turn, its head was off. 

I admit I did that to show off, problem was she wasn't looking at me, she started helping Jackson. We finally fended them all off, when all of a sudden we get told to go to the other side of the city to stop an emergency. Together everyone follows the path, some were to afraid so they stayed to "protect" the village, as we follow the path we saw a tsunami form, and on the other side a a high tower, with electricity flowing though it, like water through a stream.we had no choice but to cross the river. I tried to wait when I, along with everyone else, got drawn in. The color of the water was blue as ever, and when I thought I was gonna die, I could breathe. This wasn't water at all, it was some type of foamy substance, soft like bubbles, yet firm. This was artificial water, artificial water he made in order to wipe humans out. This water would throw off the whole ecosystem, maybe even cover the whole city. We crossed, but not before the water took us further away than ever. We were running short on time, after much running, we saw boats in the water, so we jumped in after them. This time I met my friend Caleb, we rushed and stormed the area, when I came saw the leader of all of this mayhem. He was a human, he wore a patch on his left eye, and his right arm was replaced by some type of gun. He had white hair and looked like he was in his 40's, he gave no explanation. right when we were about to fight I awoke.

(This is based on a dream I had, It was a beautiful kingdom, full of nature and vibrant colors.)

Author's Note

Please leave criticism, as I wish to improve my skill, I was thinking that I might turn this into a series book.

Reviews

[SweetNutmeg]

That's quite a dream! I think a series would be good. I'm glad I pushed through the second paragraph, it was worth my while. I almost didn't, for a completely inane reason: your dialogue. Each new person speaking needs a new line. It is confusing when it is all mushed together, and makes your reader work extra hard. You want to make things easy for your reader, not hard. I could do with some more fleshing out of details (like the water that is not water) but you have the bones of a good fantasy world here, and the ability to tell a story. I hope you will carry on.

[Fairytale]

Thank you very much for helping me improve my writing as I wish to publish books.

[SweetNutmeg]

I am the dialogue punctuation queen. If you want to be published, you must follow the rules established by either The Chicago Manual of Style, or the AP Stylebook. The rules are sometimes a drag, and sometimes don't feel right, but no publisher is going to take a writer seriously if they do not know basic punctuation and grammar. I'm no hot s**t with grammar, and commas are the bane of my existence, but I know punctuating dialogue. Here is an easy to understand article: https://www.wikihow.com/Punctuate-Dialogue

The one thing they don't mention is that with every new speaker, there needs to be a new line. This may seem picky or unnecessary, but it actually helps the reader flow with the dialogue easily. And you always want to make it easy for your reader to flow along with you.

If you ever need help or would like someone to look over your dialogue for punctuation, send me a private message and I will be happy to look at whatever you've got.

You've got a good thing going here and I hope you continue posting here.

[introverted_soul]

You should definitely turn this to a series, it's quite interesting. I liked it.

[Fairytale]

I apologize for replying late, but thank you.