Untitiled

** A little background before reading. In the Catholic religion teens have to make the decision to become a catholic, this process is called becoming confirmed, or your confirmation.

February 24, 2009

Your Excellency,

I am writing this letter to ask for your approval and your blessing for my holy confirmation.

St. Francis was a man who was born many things but throughout his life, he changed. For instance when he was born his mother named him Giovanni di Bernardone which is Italian for John the Baptist, when his father heard about this he was upset because he didn’t want his son to be part of the church, which is ironic because he did not only become a proud follower of Jesus he was declared crazy for his utter passion belief and faith hat he put into our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. But he wasn’t always like that. Francis started out as a lot of young rich people do in our society today. He had parties with women and behaved sinfully. Since his father was rich he was cultured and was bilingual, however Francis chose to give it all away and live like the poor. He chose to follow the Bible literally and followed Jesus’ words to a fault. He is also known as a leader for St Clare and her sister St Agnes of Assisi and brother Rufino . They both looked up to him and he helped them become faithful to Jesus. St Francis is also known as the patron saint of animals, the environment and Italy. He is the founder of the Franciscan Order sometimes also called Order of Friars Minor. I have felt a connection with Francis’ story because I too have sinned and then found God. Going from elementary school to middle school was a tough transition for everyone, but it seemed like it was harder for me. At the arrival of middle school the superficial friendships formed because you sat next to them was over. These were the days of competitive friendships. It seemed to me that I was lost in the mad rush for “friends”. When did this suddenly become important? Weren’t we all friends? That’s what they had preached to us in elementary school. Apparently we weren’t because with the “Friend Rush” along came bullying, specifically, bullying of those kids who weren’t as successful in the mad grab period of 5^th grade. This was the time where you became labeled with your scarlet letters, whether or not you were worthy of “the cool people” or if you were to receive the dreaded name, the name bullies would call you until they stopped enjoying it which usually was not a short period of time. I unfortunately was selected to proudly wear a GL for Gay Loser. I was not a homosexual however because I hadn’t matured as much as lot of the other boys and the fact that I wasn’t very good at sports, led to the assumption that I must me. That half of the name alone made me feel horrible. I would wonder why this had happened to me; however I was told by adults around me that “bullying is something everything goes through, they’ll stop eventually if you ignore them”. Throughout the year the teasing became increased, and followed me into 6^th grade. Due to the lack of sports I became a little heavier but I was definitely not the heaviest and wasn’t considered overweight for my height however my superiors allowed me a third name, fatty. It had been affecting me but I didn’t know yet how much it was. I was recommended to see the school psychologist due to my “social anxiety”. He told my parents that I should see a doctor about the issues I was having at school. The letter he sent home was thoughtfully considered and then discarded. While gaining three names from entering middle school I had also lost three things, dignity, self-respect, and a positive attitude towards school. The months turned into seventh grade I was more depressed than I had ever been in my life and I was beginning to want a scapegoat. I was clearly one of the most attentive kids in my religious education classes and always knew every answer to the teachers’ questions. I knew my prayers that needed to ne memorized and said my own prayers before I went to bed. It didn’t seem to be working for me. I had been praying my heart out and been faithful to God and I was wondering why this seemed like I was talking and he wasn’t talking to/helping me. When we would have retreats everyone would talk of how close to God they felt and how they knew when he was talking to them. I felt nothing other than alone I was fifty pounds heavier than when I entered 5^th grade I was unhappy and friendless. I was ready to die. I constantly thought how better it would have been to never have been born. As these thoughts began clouding my mind I began trying to find a logical reason for why this could have happened to me. I was for the most part a nice kid, I cared about school, went to church, didn’t really get in trouble, or fight with my brother. And I found my answer, God. God is the answer to many questions but not this one. I’m not sure what I thought would happen if I stopped believing in God, I would become happier not having anything to believe in? I wouldn’t be as overweight? , because none of those things happened. I went into 8^th grade a mess, I could barley be in social situations without being completely shy and almost crying if I had to talk to a new person. My alternative persona was to be loud and outgoing to the point where people I met didn’t know who I really was. They didn’t know the real Anthony, and neither did I. Eighth grade was a drastic change. For the most part people had stopped making fun of me and just ignored me, but the damage had been done they had transformed the friendly, one hundred pound boy who was fairly confident, into a one hundred seventy-five pound mess. I sat hunched over spoke in a barely audible voice and constantly comfort ate. The bathroom was my safe haven where I could cry for reasons unknown to me. I still wanted to die but now I had no idea why. If confidence is a piece of paper I was as if someone had stuck my piece of the paper into a blender then burned the remains. I thought of myself as worthless, talentless, and a waste of space on earth. I cried everyday over what was wrong with me. I was still going to religious education when this was going on and yet I still had to go to RE. We were learning to pray the rosary. For even though I thought I had memorized most of the prayers I had never learned the rosary and about the mysteries of the Holy Ghost. My teacher spoke with such passion and faith in the fact that he knew God was going to listen to his prayer and possibly grant it, made me want to try it. So prayed the rosary before I went to sleep and the next day I started talking to a girl who I had always considered one the people who had no interest in me and other people than her close inner circle of popular friends.( She ironically was also the daughter of the teacher who had motivated me to pray the rosary) I learned that her life wasn’t as perfect as I had pictured it, she had been teased that day too and other days, I tried to encourage her but I didn’t say much because I was just in shock that she first of all would want me to sit near her in art class and I was also amazed that someone whose life I literally thought was perfect had issues so similar to mine. That started the begining of us talking a lot more over text messaging and during school. I became to be closer to her and started telling her more things about myself as she trusted me with more things about her. If someone had told me in 6^th or 7^th grade that we could be friends I would have never have believed it. Not only was she a great friend but also a big proponent of God. We gave up the same thing for lent together and helped each other to staying away form committing sin and breaking our fasts, but how she helped me most of all was what I really need someone to do. Whenever I would have a depressive or pessimistic thought she would bring me up. She wouldn’t tolerate me in low moods and helped me realize all that God has done for me. ST Francis, a rich and noble man once stooped down off his horse to kiss a leper and, he helped someone in need, just like she did for me. When God came to Francis in a vision He told Francis to repair His church. Francis thought God meant to literally fix up old Italian churches, however, God meant that he wanted Francis to weed out the corrupt priests in the Church. Just as St Francis didn’t understand God’s message to him at first I didn’t understand why God was doing this all to me. I now realize I had to go through suffering to reach a place where I receive an epiphany like I did.