Cast the first

free verse - Warning - deals with suicide

They line up

With their stones

I am buried 

to my chest

in their disdain

I don't fear 

this death.

Together

professionals

friends 

family 

start hurling

their

'accusations'.

As my lights

dim

under the 

barrage

My main thought is

- how

can I be accused 

of 

'trying to end my life'?

'

'

~ to me~

it never 

began.

Reviews

[aLittlePain]

Powerful and brutal! My younger sister committed suicide 7 years ago, she was overwhelmed with the pressures and and expectations of a career that she seemed born for. Yet it crucified her in the end. The emotion and despair of this piece is deeply felt. R xo

[Tony Jordan]

Holy f*ck Rach.
I am sorry for your loss.
......... xxx

[aLittlePain]

It's ok TJ, every now and then something crosses your path and those memories bubble up x

[Tony Jordan]

The little things...tells us they're always with us.

[aLittlePain]

Absolutely x

[Tabby Mac]

This piece has many layers! Well done!!
I love how you have expressed the inner feelings of the one taking his/her life.
For those who have not ever considered it, I imagine it's hard to understand it.
You eloquently said all that needs to be said with so few words. It's really quite breath taking. It's hard to capture, but you did it! EXCELLENT!
Tabby

[Tony Jordan]

Tabby - it's difficult to express the feelings of what it's like - best way I could say it was that I felt like a dog with such crap on my coat that it was going to drag me down slowly - when I made the decision it was like a dog shaking it's coat and feeling free again. Your review said it 'breath-taking' - it was like taking a breath for the first time in years.

[Tabby Mac]

I can relate. Years ago I tried to take my life, and also almost had it taken.
I feel
Like others try to describe it as hopeless or desperateness, but I feel those words somehow fall short. I'm sure that's what the feelings are but for me your words offer interpretations deeper than words can say. Like when our language falls short but if we word it just right a few words can invoke an understanding that touches the soul. If you know what I mean.
Glad your still here!
Tabby

[Tony Jordan]

Yes I have heard many say that they attempted it out of the feeling of desperation. Mines was a need to escape the doggedness of...well...life.
It feels so ungrateful to say that even now some days I wish it had went the other way - and I berate myself for thinking like that because I realised how lucky I was to live especially when a family member hugs me and I them.
Thank you Tabby :')

[Tony Jordan]

Surviving it takes us to a different place, I feel.
A place of perspective.
We are survivors Tabby !!
I'm glad you are here with us too (hugs)
x

[Tabby Mac]

Yes! Hugs!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Tony, I can relate to this at some level.. I think suicide seems an easier option when we think life isn't under our control.. But when I think back to why I didn't commit that act, I realize I used to think it would affect no one. As in what difference it makes on anyone when someone takes their own life except for the person who did?
This was a really tragic piece with deep thoughts! Just passing by to read it ☺👍

[Tony Jordan]

Between a living hell and suicide - the answer does seem to be an easy choice but the repercussions are felt at many levels.
One young man I knew - the funniest, most polite gentleman (and champion boxer no less) killed himself - then his younger brother who idolised him followed suit 6 months later. The family are totally devastated.

On a lighter note - you look familiar...hmmm...is it Sonam Kapoor....or Vidya Balan perhaps?

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I totally agree! Some circumstances can't be avoided..
Haha Tony!! None, just a tiny kid here 😂
Hope you're doing okay and the cafe too 😉

[Tony Jordan]

Looking forward to your return as Dr. Key...
;p

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I can't wait to get back too 😛

[Tony Jordan]

Don't have to use the Key - the doors always open here at the Cafe.
:DD

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hahaha I thought you would be more serious by now.. Apparently not 😂

[Tony Jordan]

I stopped being serious when I was 15. Started when I was 14 1/2. Didn't care for it much - haha
read moreI stopped being serious when I was 15. Started when I was 14 1/2. Didn't care for it much - haha
I hope your exams are going well my friend?

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Cool! I'm gonna have to take lessons in humour from you 😉

[Tony Jordan]

Haha - I will take sarcasm lessons from you then.
lol

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hahaha I didn't think I was sarcastic around here! Am I?

[Tony Jordan]

Are you being sarcastic now?

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Haha I think you don't need lessons from me 😛
And no I wasn't! See the perks of being outspoken 😂

[Tony Jordan]

“Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but the highest form of intelligence.” ― Oscar Wilde.

[Tony Jordan]

Be more sarcastic !! lol

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Sure sarcasm is my "key" of surviving 😂

[Tony Jordan]

Haha - touché Yumna...
:DD

[Poetic License]

Such power in the space of few words. You made every syllable count. This will stick with me for a good long while. Bravo.

[Tony Jordan]

Thank you very much P.L.
I really appreciate your review on this one.
:)

[ern]

Oh this is great and I really like the last part. I don't support suicide, but I definitely don't think people's feelings are being heard.

[Tony Jordan]

No - it is still very much a taboo subject - very much stigmatised Nicki, well said.
Inroads are being made though.
Thank you for your review.
:)

[Norman 223]

How can we treat suicide with disdain? To my thinking, it takes the pressure of sheer desperation to even contemplate it and even more courage to attempt it. This was a "shock" piece of poignant writing that was completely different from anything else I have ever read by you Tony, and it really hit home.

[Tony Jordan]

I think creative minds are more likely to take this route for some reason. I think that's why it strikes a chord in such a community as WC.
Thank you very much Norman for your words.
:)

[Valentine]

Whew, this one hits hard...especially with your fantastic ending. Sadly most people do not even try to live their lives let alone live it to the fullest. Great write Mate. Valentine

[Tony Jordan]

Well that's a very interesting take on it Kathie.
Thank you for your review.
I appreciate your visit.
:)

[emily.c.]

Wow this is really heavy, but well written. It reminded me of The Lottery at first, which is a good analogy for how damaging and belittling words can be to someone who is already hurting. It's a really touching piece.

[Tony Jordan]

It is a lottery in a way - all the wrong things happen in the right order and we fall.
Thank you for your kind words em.c.s.
:)

[Jimmy Yetts]

Tragic perspective.
Unfulfilled dreams often make us feel as if our lives aren't amounting to much. However, like Yogi Berra once said, "It ain't over 'til it's over."
Many a human life has been vindicated at the eleventh hour.
Powerful offering, Tony!

[Tony Jordan]

Anyone who quotes the soothsayer that is Yogi is always welcome on my pages.
Thank you very much Jimmy - you lifted me there.
:)

[Molly K]

This is such a beautiful piece, it's difficult to call work dealing with subjects like suicide beautiful, but it really is. Despite being hard hitting, it deals with the subject sensitively, and I love it. Thank you for speaking out

[Tony Jordan]

Thank you Molly, I'm glad you think it was sensitively handled - that was my main fear in writing it.
:)