Words Fail me

When a word gets lost in the wash with the mind's socks

Come over and I'll tell thee about a strange happening that occurred next door in broad daylight -

So ...I'd seen this guy acting suspicious outside

the front of 'Her next door''s house.

...the slick looking guy ran up to her door -

He looked like a typical smarmy perv.

He rapped on the woman's door 

Soon, the woman of the house came out 

Just then, he shocked her by taking out

his...thing.

Well she took one look at the thing

and almost fainted 

it was much bigger than normal... things 

a look of disbelief painted her face

again she looked in awe at the... thing.

Then she took the... thing in her hands !!

and examined it closely

It has some raised bumps along its length

Then she tried to fold the...thing but couldn't - 

It was much too large and stiff!!

It was longer and wider than her hubby's...thing

which she always managed to slide between her 

ample bosom on a Friday night 

after he'd had a few drinks and was feeling generous

- or so he told me anyway.

But - she hugged the...thing close to her 

I don't think anything could have angered her.

Oh how she laughed and kept kissing the...thing and the man 

was smiling from ear to ear too

He even wanted a selfie of her and him together like that

~

I tell ya - never was a...thing 

more welcome !!!

*  *  *  *

damn these senior moments - I can't remember some words at all these days

Oh yeah, cheque...that's the word - cheque - the thing was a huge cheque.

'Her next door' had won the lottery. Lucky cow!

Author's Note

How far did you get in before you realised what the thing was eh?
OMG - captcha was Honeypot - damn !! lmao

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I never thought of this "thing" as being anything other than what you are trying to suggest that it might be. Once I got to the end, so I could see how this added detail fit into the write, I couldn't see any bumps in the fit. But I still wasn't 100% behind this final outcome . . . maybe just a teensy bit of a letdown, really. It was a bit much ado over almost nothing. Maybe a big fat wad of cash would have more sensual appeal for me.

[Tony Jordan]

A big fat wad of cash...?
Hmmm... I like it BG.
It's got legs lol.
Thank you - I love this review.
:)

[Kathy Van Kurin]

Tony Jordan,
"Words fail me" was a funny creative write. The title itself was really interesting and all i can say is it was worth reading. I smiled my way through it.

[Tony Jordan]

Thank you Kathy. I'm glad it raised a smile. I appreciate your visit and review of this one.
Happy New Year Kathy.

[Kathy Van Kurin]

Thanks Tony, and a Happy New Year to you as well!

[Valentine]

If he has an extra check [thing] there are a lot of people that would love receiving it. Valentine

[Tony Jordan]

Sorry for missing your review here Kathie.
Your reply made me chuckle. Thank you very much.

[Barbara Borel]

Had me as well. I was thinking Oh this must go into the erotica section:) . Well written

[Tony Jordan]

Haha Barbara - that's why I have the Rorschach ink-blot test as the write's image - to see whose 'mind' needs to go into the erotica section rather than this writing lol.
Thank you for playing along ...

[Coyote Poetry]

A wild tale. Led reader to surprise story and ending in the poetry. Thank you Tony for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Tony Jordan]

Thank you John. Just a bit of whimsy penned by an idle mind..
Im glad you joined in my friend ;p

[Coyote Poetry]

I did enjoy and you are welcome.

[...]

Lol...too funny my friend, I'd be happy with just an average sized thing...just saying. Starz x

[Tony Jordan]

Me too Starzy ...and a bonus thingy at Xmas would be nice too lol
Class reply - love it - keep smiling
x

[...]

Haha... oh yes a bonus thingy ;)

[Tony Jordan]

xD........

[Gee]

Any man worth his salt should be be packing the durex Hindenberg super sensitive tickler as his coverage of choice..........wanna borrow ?????

[...]

Lol...Gee....always entertaining!

[Tony Jordan]

Haha - aye right!
The micro-mini nano-teeny more like ya mad man ye!!
lol
Gutentag Sir (may as well use up all our Euro greetings before Atricle whatever gets triggered)
good to see you dude

[Gee]

Mange tout Rodders, mange tout. Hope all is well.

[Tony Jordan]

lmao - class!!
Sound as a pound matey. Your-good-self?

[Gee]

Should you not be sleeping Starz ???

[Gee]

In fine fettle m'lord, fine fettle indeed

[Tony Jordan]

Yes Starz - you need to let the Sun come out to play

[...]

Yeah I should be sleeping, I have to go to work in a few hours but I'll survive...too much fun here :)

[Gee]

Good on you, enjoy

[D Connolly]

You're gonna get a smacked bottom for this haha! I couldn't figure out what it was until you said it at the end. Of course, I'm a lunatic, and I'm thinking "bumpy"? Is it a swamp cat (alligator)? Floridians are just nuts. Only here would someone hand another someone a gator LOL. Anyway, I bet she was pretty happy about the "thing"!!

[Tony Jordan]

Love that you liked this one Dani. The raised 'bumps' referred to the magnetic ink numbers on all cheques (okay... okay... I cheated a little - their height is microscopic - but aren't all riddles based on cheeky half-truths... lol)
Glad this intrigued ya enough to play along.
I appreciate your visits.
Oooh and that's 'Affirmative Keptin' (in my best Chekov off of Star Trek) on the spanky. Bring it on!!
; p

[Norman 223]

Oo! You are awful! But I loved it.
Thanks for the impressive belly laughing THING....and....the anti climax.
Norm.

[Tony Jordan]

Ahh once more you have brought me back to the golden age of British comedy Norman and it's a journey I deeply appreciate. I can hear my mum laughing so much - fit to burst - I laughed more at her than the bold Mr Emery.
You're a one, yes you are.
What a funny name though - I had an Auntie Rita and and Auntie Nancy but never an auntie-climax.
;p

[Norman 223]

I don't suppose you had a Carb-uncle either.
N.

[Tony Jordan]

Lol
Is that De-neices father's brother ?

[Norman 223]

OK,Tony. I surrender. I knew you'd get the last word. You relatively have age on your side.

[Tony Jordan]

Haha - we come in peace - shoot to kill Norman...
lmao - love it
okay truce...

[.]

Hahaha. Very clever!

A fine double entendre. Well written and maintaining suspense till the very end.

I am not sure if this is applicable, but in the words of Harold Steptoe......"you, dirty old man!" :)

A fine write!

[Tony Jordan]

Haha
OmnI never thought to see a Steptoe quote on a review. Those pair were hilarious.
read moreHaha
OmnI never thought to see a Steptoe quote on a review. Those pair were hilarious.
Thank you for your witty review Doodley

[ReedWrite]

LOL...clever.
I knew the 'thing' wasn't a penis, but didn't know what it was until the end...even so...it was a very 'arousing' piece, for sure! Grins.

[Tony Jordan]

Lol... I see what you did there Pam. Heh heh.
There's a convoluted story to this.
I used to write and also copy risque Valentine's verses into cards for my sisters (my writing was then most unillegible Lol) which they then impressed their beaus with.
One joke rhyme was one which went something like... "put your wee thing against my wee thing until both our wee things go red... yada... yada... don't worry, I'm only asking for a light of my feg" (feg=f*g=cigarette)...

Phew!! Lol
Thanks for joining in Pam. Good to see you... always

[ReedWrite]

LOL...well, now I am not only contemplating 'things", but WEE things? You do realize that's not a good mental image for me, right? :D This poem/conversation is funny in that I've just spent the weekend binge watching the HBO series OZ, on my Amazon Prime account. It's about the workings inside a prison...and they show a LOT of male nudity...full frontals even...have to say...not sure I caught ever nuance of every episode. I may need to binge watch again. Soon. Tonight, maybe. ;D

[Tony Jordan]

Hahah - I'm only 'catching' this hilarious comment now Pam !! Too funny...
Amazon eh? So you'e an amazonian
I hope you were able to review that series again (and again..and a...well you get the picture) -
xD

[ReedWrite]

Oh HELL yeah...lol. I did indeed. :D

[Tony Jordan]

I heard you...!
*wink*