Special

The world 

>blinks<

when 

you 

open your eyes

binary stars ;

in which I'm 

forever

cursed 

to orbit always

Hoping... 

that the seasons 

change soon

The horrid chills 

of your winter

make my bones crack

when i move

delicate 

ice shards

like 

surgeons knives

cut deeply 

each time

you open your eyes

and give me 

your

 disdain.

Reviews

[winter;lyra]

i'm getting that same sense of fear again, but it's not common fear, it is a fear attached to admiration and love? im reluctant to use that word because it's not actual love? there's some form of attachment between the two but i cannot comprehend it, i think i'm ending up on the same point as Daydreamer...yeah that's right, it's either love or lust

[Tony Jordan]

Adoration maybe a possible candidate.
:)

[FIN]

Wow, I knew I read this before, but this was yours, all along! I thought I had commented on this piece!

The flow of syntax against story-telling is perfect. The imagery, for me, was chilling and wonderfully evoked. "I felt the crack of those bones"
I enjoyed the vernacular, too.
The stanza breaks (I feel) are where they need to be for even flow of both pace and the unraveling of the story.

I enjoyed this entire piece!
Very much so.

I liked the "blinks" part, as well.

Nice job, Mr. Jordan

Much love,

LR

[Ardra]

in which I'm
forever
cursed

to orbit always
Hoping...

When we love or admire someone deeply hoping someday we will be able to take away their cold ..hurt and make them glow again in our love.... it's sad they don't understand the same...Nice work I liked the image...the word blink :)

[AYVID N]

Eyes have the power to slice the soul into shards. I appreciate the different imagery used for eyes and it makes the poem special.

[Tony Jordan]

Some people can look right into our soul. That can be so lovely or conversely it can make us feel very uncomfortable.
Such power.
Thank you once more dear DIVYA
:))

[andrew mitchell]

The curse of winter shines in this write Tony., but many a moments,, a woman can turn on the cold as well. I love winter but I prefer a woman to turn up the heat as we do! Lol chilling imagery Tony! :-)

[Ken Simm.]

Stark and yet at the same time empathic. I wonder how many can relate. I would surmise many. But again how many could be as erudite?

[Tony Jordan]

Yes Ken, sadly many I would agree.
Thank you for your kind review my friend.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

"The horrid chills
of your winter
make my bones crack
when i move
delicate
ice shards
like
surgeons knives
cut deeply
each time"
This is deep! And you use 'surgeon's knives' as a metaphor.. That's cool actually!
I liked reading this!
P.S. I hate watching surgeries😉 the blood makes me puke 😂😂😂

[Tony Jordan]

Aww Yumna - how can you go into this profession feeling this way lol?
My friend once went (as part of his job in Sterile Services) to see a 'Gastric and bowel' op.
Unfortunately he had been to the pub and had two pints of Guiness beforehand. As soon as the smell rose up after the first incision he went down!! Bless him. He broke his glasses and had to get two stitches in A&E but apparently the surgeon (a bow-tie wearing consultant) was so disgusted with him (and I guess the Sterile Services dept for sending him) that he continued the op refusing to let any of 'his staff' assist him!! Not kidding!! lol

I think you'll be just fine.
Thank you for your review and for the laugh Yumna. I appreciate it.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Haha I love my profession as long as there isn't much blood involved😉 its the major surgeries I hate lol😂
You are welcome Tony! Always a pleasure 😊

[Tony Jordan]

Ditto my friend.
Good luck with your studying. :))

[Hell in a Hip Flask]

I really enjoyed how obscure the type of love being presented is here as it could be love, lust, admiration and whatever it is it certainly doesn't seem to be requited by the addressee.

As I think this is the poem's greatest strength I would perhaps get rid rid of (with love) parenthetical as it feels like it's trying to explain the 'cursed' element of this type of love the speaker is feeling and without it the reader is given even more space to interpret on their own. And it just kind of stilts my reading of the poem a bit.

Also just a little note, 'PermaWinter' sounds a bit awkward especially with the caps, sounds like the name of a brand or trademark.

Good job with the poem, it was a really good read!

[Hell in a Hip Flask]

P.s.I really like how the title further complicates the type of love being presented as regarding someone as special could be admiration or romantic love, alright now I'm done :)

[Tony Jordan]

I totally agree with the points you've made my friend and I'm really grateful for your detailed review.
Changes applied...
Thank you again and Merry Christmas!

[barleygirl]

This starts out feeling like a strong case of adoration, but the ending shows us it's actually unrequited love. This helps us understand your use of many sharp & icy descriptions, despite this being a sorta-love poem . . . you're showing us all along how it hurts. Frankly, I don't understand why people stay in relationships that hurt, but it happens all the time, so your message is very relatable. Only one small correction: "that the season's change soon" (delete apostrophe).

[Tony Jordan]

Thank you for the catch there BG. :)
I have seen this - idk - 'Stockholm syndrome' for want of a better phrase in my own family and my extended family. I totally agree - It's really strange.
Thank you Barleygirl.
Have a wonderful Christmas time.
x

[Barbara Borel]

Another fantastic one. Keep writing

[Tony Jordan]

Sorry I missed this review Barbara.
Thank you for your kind review. :)

[Barbara Borel]

Its all Good. Happy Holidays

[Tony Jordan]

Happy Holidays to you Barbara.
(hugs)