Steve Jobs in Hell: Canto 1: Limbo

Steve Jobs descends the levels of hell with Alexander Graham Bell in the first part of the hilarious epic poem satirizing the advancement of technology.

Originally published in the print-only, counter-culture magazine "Can't Understand New Technology," London, 2013

CANTO 1: LIMBO

 

Midway upon the journey of life, deep in a wood dark with fright                            

Runs Steve Jobs alone, for three monsters chase him, blacker than the night.        

 

Exhausted, giving up, falling, with knees bent, he calls from his back,                 

“God, Why do you punish me? What are these monsters that me attack?”          

 

In this moment, through the grass and snow, comes a sage soul, dressed in red.  

He removes his hood fully but Jobs does not know him from his head.                  

 

“Jobs, I am here, to save you from this fear, you do not know my face,        

“But I have been sent to find you, and take you away from this place,        

 

“I was the first to put sound in an ear, to make a voice away,                

Seem to be so very near. The world was forever changed that day.”           

 

Jobs sees him with vehement disbelief. “Alexander Graham Bell?           

“If my eyes are seeing you, I must be dreaming, or don’t feel well!          

 

“It’s time for me to find my way home, or wake up from this nightmare,       

“I will just take out my new iPhone 5, to save me from despair!”            

 

Jobs removes the sleek built-in case, but screams when looking at his apps,    

“Oh! What horror is this? What the hell happened to Google maps?”           

 

The sage Bell takes his new phone from him, and looks at it in his hand,       

“I like the first iPod, with its rotary dial, this is quite bland.”               

 

“Quite bland? Have you lost your mind! This is a communications key!        

“Unlike any other, with a bigger screen, light weight and 4G!                

 

“You can use it to do whatever you want, anytime anywhere!”                

Bell leans in closely to respond: “Jobs, that’s exactly why you’re here.”        

 

Jobs cries painfully, “yes here, where is here? Please answer my query.        

“And be quick about it, otherwise, I will simply ask Siri.”                    

 

“You will meet Siri, in due time, but we must go on a long walk,            

“First I will tell you something that will make it hard for you to talk.            

 

“You are dead Steve Jobs, it is the real truth, you died not long ago,            

“But your soul was not laid to rest, for the sins of Apple & Co.”            

 

“The sins of Apple? Are you mad? Do tell me what sin might that be?        

“Letting information free? Connecting the world continually?                

 

“What about the iPod shuffle? iTunes Genius recommendation?            

“Certainly those cool inventions deserve some congratulation!”            

 

“You are mistaken thinking of your colorful past creations,                

“For man is taking the punishment for your book of innovations.”            

 

Unable to comprehend, Jobs follows without another word.                

They speak no more until through the twisted branches screaming is heard.    

 

“What is that? That great door punctuated by those giant statues?            

“The heat that’s coming makes my soul melt down, it deflates my virtues”        

 

“This is where our journey must begin,” said Alexander Graham Bell            

Reaching out his arm, “Before you stand the mighty Bill Gates of Hell.”        

 

Jobs’ voice is snatched away by fierce wind that circles the two beings,        

He hears a whiny voice, faces with glasses mocking his feelings.            

 

He turns to Alexander Graham Bell as the Gates of Hell open,            

Jobs manages to eke out “you’re coming with me Bell, I’m hopin'?”            

 

“Yes Jobs, I will come with you, and just so you will not be alone-”            

Bell hands Jobs a colorful Nokia Lumia Windows Phone.                

 

“No!” cries Jobs “I go into Hell, fine, but that crap for this inventor??”           

But signs above the door read: “Abandon all hope, those who enter.”        

 

Buy the full version of the poem with all 9 cantos on the Kindle Store

Author's Note

If you enjoyed this, check out the next two cantos on http://www.stevejobsinhell.com