Kiss Goodnight

A Stage Play by Toni O

Setting: a cheap looking speed dating service set up in the catering hall of an old, unpopular hotel.

(A few red and pink streamers hang from the ceiling. A sign in bright letters that says HAPPY HUNTING! Centers the room. Several tables are set up, two chairs at each table. Some balled up napkins and papers are strewn across the floor, probably bearing phone numbers. Bright 70s music plays in the background as a few stragglers remain at the end of this service. Jacob takes a seat at Laura’s empty table where she is rubbing her temples in frustration. Laura has no energy remaining; this will be her last attempt. Jacob looks the same. Clearly the pickings have been slim.)

Jacob: hey.
Laura: Hi. See it’s been a successful night for you as well.
Jacob: (smiles) I suppose so. Can’t say I’ve found any ladies to bring home to momma just yet.
Laura: Funny that you’d sit with me. You’re a bit young, no?
Jacob: Depends on how old you are.
Laura: That’s a rude question.
Jacob: I prefer an older woman, personally. I’m 21, if that eases you into answering.
Laura: Not exactly, but I’ll tell you that I’m 45 anyway. Jesus, is this where I’m at? I was hoping I’d have a son your age by this point in my life.
Jacob: I hear that one a lot.
Laura: So, any particular reason someone as young as you is here? You should be picking us old ladies up at the bar, not like this.
Jacob: I prefer the dating services. Less chance of needing Valtrex in the morning.
Laura: (laughs) You can never be too sure. Let me ask you something, kid. When you look at me, would you be able to tell I was a model in my younger days?
Jacob: Well, depends on what kind of model.
Laura: (smiles) Bathing suits. 1979. Just when they started getting really sexy. I was in magazine spreads, probably hanging on some boy’s ceiling somewhere. What happened?
Jacob: I don’t know. I think you’re very attractive, if that’s any consolation.
Laura: I always wondered if young boys do the same thing girls do: kiss a poster or picture goodnight before going to bed. Ever do that?
Jacob: Can’t say that I have, to be honest.
Laura: Okay. Just wondering. It would have made me feel just a little more at home.