I met a lady in the allotment..

Just a bit a craic, you all know me by now 😂

I met a lady at the allotment!

                                         I met a lady at the allotment

where local folk plant seeds,
chat about inclement weather
and how to control the weeds

it was at the bring and buy stall
there displaying finest produce,
I noted the fruits of hard labour
her melons ripe and full of juice

I ogled at her tender tomatoes
envied her plums and almonds,
drooled over her terrific spread
of apples, oranges and lemons

so I made her a proposition
thinking it clever and astute,
I said, 'we must form a union
and together, grow veg and fruit'

'but firstly Sir, I must consider
before I accept your pledge,
show me what you have to offer
let me see your homegrown veg'

I quickly led her to the veg stall
to proudly show off my display
but such scything criticism
I'll not forget, till my dying day

"Your cabbages have no heart
nor are they leafy green,
your cauliflowers are crawling
with caterpillars most obscene

your potatoes are too flowery
and quite simply fall apart
your onions small and mushy
no good for restaurant a la carte

inside your lettuce, slimy slugs
unpalatable for humans to eat
and now your prize cucumber,
has shrivelled up and fallen at my feet" 

 

Likes: That Happy Chica, buddho, Hojadaro, PoetessQueen, Chinaski, M. K. Rock, Maureen

ReplyForward Add reaction

Author's Note

Hit me with your best shot..

Reviews

[emmajoygreen]

Laughed and smiled throughout and then read again and nodded at the witty whiles in the poem start to finish. No matter the double entendres (sp) or man talk, any adult who reads poetry could find worse and more on a public loo's wall and that will never sing with meter as your poem does! There's a lot to learn at the allotment!

[Tom]

Indeed EmmaJoy, contentment is an allotment, though not all flowers/vegatables perfect into maturity as planned... Thanks for stopping by my garden way!

[andrew mitchell]

A clever and entertaining write Tom, love the humour.

[Tom]

Many thanks Andrew!

[Chris Shaw]

What a fabulous metaphorical put down Tom. I enjoyed the humour here very much. I could have said more but my halo would have become tarnished. Have a great Sunday:)

Chris

[Tom]

Thank you Chris, please be assured this little ditty is entirely fictional and not the least bit based on any such similar true to life event!!!! 🤣🤣🤣

[Chris Shaw]

Ha ha, I believe you 😀

[jacob erin-cilberto]

What a wonderful response from her...
Even if he metaphorically hid his intentions in plain sight...
She was able to fill his rose colored intentions with weeds...
and the thorns turned on him.
clever metaphor here, carried through perfectly.
j.

[Tom]

Thank you Jacob for your keen insight, much appreciated my friend!

[Stella Armour]

haha....love it ,
your poor cucmber needs reviving ... a bit of tender loving care might help it fill out again ... :)

[Tom]

Thanks muchly Stella!!