Dangly bits..

More wry humour, please don't take offence

Old Horace Hull, being rather dull
five guineas paid for a bawling
bovine calf and pipping egg,
thought to himself, good health
and wealth, envy of street
fresh milk, eggs aplenty to eat,
never again hungry, lean,
soon to be seen, rotund, steady income,
always in rudest of health

Each young addition, fed best of nutrition
grew strong, tall and proud,
bawl became bellow
cheep to crowing aloud,
still, Horace perplexed
neither milk nor egg, passed lips,
with bills amassing, folk laughing
too late realising, his purchase unsexed,
each had developed, dangly bits

Moral of tale, if fruitful wedlock to prevail
in this modern, cross-dressing era,
if unsure of gender, goose or gander
before commitment, key to lock fitment,
judge not by walk or wiggle, 
to ascertain aesthetics, think prophetic

and be hands-on to confirm genetics.
a Sam or Sarah? One must check

the relevant, bona-fide equipment!  😝

Author's Note

Can't be too careful in this day & age

Reviews

[Marie]

Your poem is penned with great humour to impart the many differences the 21st Century has ushered into our lives in that it is not an easy task to identify male and female as it once was. I felt so sorry for poor Horace who had so many wonderful things lined up for himself within his mind on his purchases, but sadly, these desired things did not come to fruition. I love how you narrate the long story, Tom. It gave me many smiles as I read! You give excellent advice to your reader in the final verse. Beware... That is the key to not having an embarrassing situation...
Lovely work! Thank you for sharing, Tom...

[Tom]

And thank you marie for your cerebral review, pleased my little story/poem gave you chuckle, job done!

[Marie]

Most welcome, Tom and thank you again for sharing...

[Lydia Shutter]

Oh Tom, this one has me giggling! It is true. It seems that transgender people are far more common than they were 50 years ago....or perhaps they are just talked about more. I had a good laugh with this one. thank you! Lydi**

[Tom]

And don't we all need a laugh, thank you Lydia 🤣

[Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn..]

Tom,

I must say that this piece of excellent Poetry is simply hilarious in its profound wisdom in a societal day and age when alternate life styes have become the rage beneath the guise of tolerance ... To each his own, I say ... However it is wise to know if the eye meets the reality of male, female, girl, or guy ... No offense intended to anyone of any given faith, or chosen lifestyle, of course ...

Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham

[Tom]

yep Marvin we speak with likeminded words, many thanks for stopping by and leaving an excellent, salinet review of my little contemporary, witty, ditty! 🤣

[Ken Simm.]

Strangely I am reminded of an early Genesis write/song. And it could well be. I enjoyed its whimsicality.

[Tom]

Many thanks Ken and do please call again ☕

[Neville]

I always carry a bar of green fairy soap with me, just in case I need to wash my mouth out & keep my hands firmly tucked in my legging pockets close to my own dangly bits ..

a fun poem that truly made me smile Tom and as is now customary, with a splendid punchline and being filled with humour and a splendid wit too .. I quite agree, one can never be too careful these days .. my daughter has several friends who are so gender fluid they will likely drown on themselves one day ..

[Tom]

Indeed so Neville, though the craic was good in cricklewood one must be prudent and rather politically correct in these days of all kinds and all sorts! 🍻

[Neville]

tis but a pleasure treasure .. and all mine sir T :) N

[Red Brick Keshner]

some even circumvent employing the aid of plentiful prosthetics

[Tom]

Yes indeed so, a novel idea and solution to spatially challenged appendages, merci mon ami!

[Betty Hermelee]

Poor Horace He thought he had everything, but at some point it became clear that he was losing money and became rather sexless; or to be more clear, was he man or woman? or something else, perhaps trans... this is a very clever way of portraying this character....it's better to be honest....
Entertaining!
Best, B

[Tom]

Yes indeed, honesty pays best! Thank you Betty ⭐⭐🥦

[Betty Hermelee]

You're very welcome Tom
Best, B

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Reminds me of "Lola" L-O-L-A, Lola!

"She walked like a woman but talked like a man"---

[Tom]

Yes Jacob, I had that classic hit song by the Kinks when I penned this ditty, thanks muchly!

[Sami Khalil]

Hehehe! So funny but true. In other words, beware of buyer's remorse or marriage remorse; no disappointment will follow.
Awesome Tom!

[Tom]

Bullseye Sami, you sum up succinctly with precise to the point accuracy, thank you my friend! 😎

[Sami Khalil]

Wow@
You are welcome sir Tom.

[AYVID N]

Tom you have me rolling with laughs here! Yes yes yes, in today's modern, cross dressing days, best to check one's partners bona-fide equipment. You can never be sure! Poor Horace! Left to contend with all those dangly bits and neighbours laughing so much! An amazing poem and the message is to keep in mind always!

[Tom]

lol.. thank you Divya, thrilled indeed my poem gave you a few chuckles this fine Friday, hope you have a fabulous weekend approaching and as always, double thanks for being such a loyal and deeply appreciated reader/reviewer of my poetry!! 🥰

[AYVID N]

A dull afternoon and this poem was such a stress reliever too. A fitting poem on the subject for today's strange and perplexing times. 😁
You're most welcome, my friend! I enjoyed and thank for the weekend wishes. You have a great one too! 🙋‍♀️💥

[Chris Shaw]

A fun write Tom. I appreciate the humour and also the wisdom in this piece. These days when you can’t tell a teapot from a toaster, it pays to make certain. Hands on would surely avoid disappointment at a later date. Poor Horace suffered the consequences. Hit him in the pocket. Well and truly caught out. Enjoyed the read. Happy Friday.

Chris

[Tom]

Many thanks Chris, pleased you got the gist and a laugh too boot, yep, ' can’t tell a teapot from a toaster,' excellent, metaphoric analogy!! 🥂