Dangly bits..

More wry humour, please don't take offence

Old Horace Hull, being rather dull
five guineas paid for a bawling
bovine calf and pipping egg,
thought to himself, good health
and wealth, envy of street
fresh milk, eggs aplenty to eat,
never again hungry, lean,
soon to be seen, rotund, steady income,
always in rudest of health

Each young addition, fed best of nutrition
grew strong, tall and proud,
bawl became bellow
cheep to crowing aloud,
still, Horace perplexed
neither milk nor egg, passed lips,
with bills amassing, folk laughing
too late realising, his purchase unsexed,
each had developed, dangly bits

Moral of tale, if fruitful wedlock to prevail
in this modern, cross-dressing era,
if unsure of gender, goose or gander
before commitment, key to lock fitment,
judge not by walk or wiggle, 
to ascertain aesthetics, think prophetic

and be hands-on to confirm genetics.
a Sam or Sarah? One must check

the relevant, bona-fide equipment!  😝

Author's Note

Can't be too careful in this day & age

Reviews

[Marie]

Your poem is penned with great humour to impart the many differences the 21st Century has ushered into our lives in that it is not an easy task to identify male and female as it once was. I felt so sorry for poor Horace who had so many wonderful things lined up for himself within his mind on his purchases, but sadly, these desired things did not come to fruition. I love how you narrate the long story, Tom. It gave me many smiles as I read! You give excellent advice to your reader in the final verse. Beware... That is the key to not having an embarrassing situation...
Lovely work! Thank you for sharing, Tom...

[Tom]

And thank you marie for your cerebral review, pleased my little story/poem gave you chuckle, job done!

[Marie]

Most welcome, Tom and thank you again for sharing...

[Poetic_Vixen]

The way the title makes sense when I came to the end of this poem, lol! You are an impressive one my friend, this humour poem was worth every line, I love the story telling of gender identifying.

[Tom]

Thank you Muskaan, and when I can bring a smile to a raders's face, well, that's a double bonus!

[Poetic Beauty]

Yes it is in this day and age it isn’t easy to tell if the actual physical gender is what our eyes perceive it to be on the outside. It is more complicated that it use to be for those of us that are into the opposite sex. I have a motto I will be good to you if you are good to me just don’t expect me to believe and think the same way you do

I loved the light hearted way you wrote this poem to get the idea across.

[Tom]

Thank you and yep, we are singing from the same hymm sheet, like your astute summation!

[Fabian G. Franklin]

This was so quaintly whimsical and funny it reminded me a bit of John Donne's writing. Excellent work. I wonder what Donne would make of the gender charades being played today. I read he once traveled with his page (a young woman dressed like a boy) for the purpose of those long nights.

[Tom]

Thank you friend Fabian, yeh, John Dunne one of my fav old time poets, are you familiar with his dark witty poem 'The Flea' I have a kind of parody of the poem somewhere in my online library, must get it up on here for a bit a craic ( fun )

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Yes, I'm familiar. Donne's work was largely overlooked before being championed by T.S. Eliot. The critic, Samuel Johnson, tagged Donne as the first of the "metaphysical" poets because his work is so layered with innuendo and double entendre. Some of it is downright bawdy for its time and reminiscent of the latter works by D.H. Lawrence. He's one of my favorite poets to read aloud.

[Ken e Bujold]

Lovely Tom. Grand mix of old and modern wit. Opening had me thinking of what P Kavanagh would have written where he here today. Having only just put down a volume of his it seemed almost synchronistic that I stumble into your witful poem. And your closing verse reminds of another grand irish wit: mr muldoon

really enjoyed my initial wander through your poetic garden

ken

[Tom]

many thanks Ken for your visit & kind appraisal of my little contemorary witty diity, Yes, P Kavanagh a famous Irish writer/poet, just wondering tho not familiar with mr Muldoon was/is he a jockey??

[Ken e Bujold]

not sure if you pulling my leg? Paul Muldoon born and bred in your own back yard. Portadown. Now that Heaney, god rest his soul, has gone to join Yeats and Kavanagh, the mantle of dean of irish poetry undoubtedly rests in Muldoon's pen.

[Tom]

Nope I wasn;t actually Ken and shame one me tho now I'm better for the knowledge, yep, Paul Muldoon a local Pulitzer Prize for Poet, gonna check him out, thanks again my man!!!!

[AYVID N]

Returned to this poem once again. Filled with such funny lines and yet telling such truths. Loved the read, dear Tom.

[Tom]

Thanks again Divya, sometimes 2nd visits are even better than the first! 🙂

[Zoe Richardson]

I use that term 'dangly bits' when sexing animals at the shelter where I volunteer. Animals are easy. They are content being male or female. Needless to say, I spend a great deal of time there. Clever, witty write, my friend.

[Tom]

Lol, your review is most indicative of my poem's raison d etre, thank you Zoe! 😊

[Arundass TP]

Enjoyed reading your poem 😊

[Tom]

merci beaucoup!😊

[Vol]

Tom,
Hahahaha! I'm very glad I'm old and not at all confused, nor am I afflicted with some of these fresh neuroses. Oh and for those still on the market, there is the internet so they could always ask for a #*%& pic... I mean... I'm not ready to go "hands on" with strangers.

[Tom]

I get you Vol, thanks for your relatable review!

[Miss Sharon]

(a Sam or Sarah? One must check the relevant, bona-fide equipment!) This is just TOO cute! Thanks for sharing. ~Sharon

[Tom]

Sure thing Miss Sharon, can't be too careful, thank you! 🌻