Message in a bottle !

One for us poor much maligned, henpecked chaps, I think it deserves another airing ?

It's but a fading memory now
that fateful night I fell overboard,
no longer can I even recall
my reason to cross that perilous fjord!

But when that sudden, freakish wave
knocked me into an unforgiving sea,
not one single crew member was aware
of what had become of me!

With desperate cries I implored that schooner
to about starboard turn,
though she sailed briskly onwards
till no longer, could I see her wooden stern!

So I closed my eyes and prayed aloud
as a swirling vortex sucked me under,
what would the next life hold in store
my prevailing, final wonder?

I'll never know quite how I survived
for next I felt warm sunlight on my skin
and anxiously I glanced around
but my fear quickly subsided with a gleeful grin!

As hapless upon a desert beach I lay
slung between two maidens, fine and fair,
as one removed my sodden clothes
whilst the other leant my head, against her bosom bare!

As previously alluded this catastrophe
occurred, now so many years ago,
and forever since I've been marooned here,
I really ought to build a wooden boat and go!

But rather, I’ll place a message in a bottle,
then throw it far out into the wandering tide
in hope forlorn one day it maybe found,
and I'll be rescued from this dominion, over which I preside!

So until that praised be, glorious day arrives
I'll carry on and make the best of all this strife,
there’s plenty of nourishment and coconut milk here
to sustain me for the rest of my natural life!

And as for those fine maidens fare
who revived me upon that golden sand,
they're the only natives on this island
and before encountering me, never before had seen a man !

Reviews

[Monica Garcia]

Haha, I feel like I may have detected a tad bit of sarcasm near the end there when the character sends out his message in a bottle. I related this poem so well to my own life, when we think the world is ending, and then we realize we are on this unexpected path in this unexpected place, and suddenly, well, it might not seem so bad after all, and the plans we had in our lives before might not matter so much anymore. I thought a bit on the last stanza:

And as for those fine maidens fare
who revived me upon that golden sand,
they're the only natives on this island
and before encountering me, never before had seen a man !

I love love love the way you ended this...with a beginning, really. To me I saw it as a starting point to building a new world. Starting from scratch and ruling the land. Definitely goes down as a favorite. Thank you for sharing.

[Tom]

Thank you Monica for your perceptive review and mutual understanding of my poem 😀

[Marie]

I kept looking for the part where he taught the maidens to play cricket...

[Tom]

I'm still working on that part Marie...lol & once more thank you for your appreciated visit !

[Sharon Kim]

A fantastic (in both meanings of the word) story told in flawless rhyme! What a lucky man! I really enjoyed this poem!

[Tom]

Thank you Sharon !

[Woody]

you lucky so and so! two for the price of one? I've always wanted to be stranded on a desert island with a buxomy creature.
nice exciting little story. and in rhyme, too! a good one, Tom. another facet!!

[Tom]

It was a tough job Woody...but somebody had to do it !

[Woody]

very altruistic of you. and commendable, old feller :)

[Briana O'Connor]

The way you express each rhyme on every other line a unique quality to the two poems I've read of yours. Once again there's a comical twist that adds flavor to what could be a sad story. I love the way you express yourself and paint such vivid pictures of each scene. Thank you for sharing and keep up the good work. Please return the favor by reviewing one of my pieces.

[Tom]

Thank you Briana for your insightful, encouraging review !

[Frieda P]

First off, I'm in awe of your rhyming ability, this just floats from first word to last....two?!! Ha one was not enough, who'd want to be rescued from bare bosoms is my query...strife my fat tush! ;) Nice bit of chimera here coach, a far cry from cricket dear!

[Tom]

Yes indeed Frieda, as my old school teacher used to say, ' If nothing else young Tom, you have a big imagination ' ? And thanks for stopping by as always !

[Frieda P]

I think you have a big heart to match, always a pleasure coach !

[Tom]

Ah, thank you darling !

[Symphonic_Sunflowers]

I liked the rhythmn and the rhyme!
I also like the fate that your character had gotten into - its every mans dream i think!
- Chloe

[Tom]

Thank you Chloe for your visit and comments !

[Sheila Kline]

Oh, I absolutely adore it - just perfect for you henpecked chaps. But what happened to the cricket? Ah ha, now I know you don't ALWAYS think about the game that is seemingly the life and breath of you. Now, we know that cricket comes after dreams of beautiful mermaids!! I wonder if you would ever want to get off that island - after all the lure of the mermaid might not be enough to defeat the call of the cricket season......LOL Oh shucks, you will probably mesmerize them with stories of your game time!!

"Me thinks" the bottle is still floating somewhere in the South Seas with that message hidden away as your wonderful sense of humor ripples the water!!

[Sophy Freebirds]

Holy gods of olympus!! Tom this was something totally out of the box.Why the heck do you wanna be rescued from this island of sultry beauties??,let me guess they don't play cricket.I bet. .. ha :) jokes aside.this poem was a humorous tale left me in giggles.I can imagine your ecstasic feeling,now don't deny you love being hen- pecked.The way you have delivered this story is awesome,very few poets have this gifted talent. Well done cricket freak. :p. This was sans cricket still lovely

~Sophy

[Tom]

What an equally impressive review Sophy, thrilled you enjoyed this piece and glad you pointed out about the lack of cricket on this paradise island, but then you know me, there's so much these ladies still have to learn and I guess I 'll have to teach them !

[Sophy Freebirds]

Yea..coaching is an nice process to get to know each other... ★ winks ★ :) you're very much welcome tom

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

This is awesome, Tom. I like how you tell a dreamy story in such place with those women. I still remember your first poem about your two lady friends here. Your sense of humor never fades. But of course I have to mention about your good ryhming scheme.
Glad you have a new post today. Keep writing, Tom. :)

[Tom]

Thank you Dhaye for your generous appraisal and yes indeed, you know me by now, I just love a bit of craic every now and again lol .....ps ( craic is a local word here for good fun ) .

[Lydia Shutter]

What a great fantasy for everyman! Being marooned on a deserted island and finding yourself between two gorgeous women who had never seen a man before. Well, what man would want to be rescued from such a fate? I am sure that bottle with the message inside will be tossed FAR FAR away! Your sense of humor comes through loud and clear and the rhyming is wonderful. Lydi**

[Tom]

Thank you so much Lydia for your always valued analysis of my poems !