Mr UnSavoury, Mr Obscene & Mrs Distasteful !

A little dig at society and in particular celebrity culture ! ( just my own personal interpretation)

Mr Unsavoury, Mr Obscene & Mrs Distasteful !

To the BAFTA awards, celebrities in hordes

assembled at this well publicized big bash
some pose quite austere, others au contraire
as countless cameras go flash,
all crave to appear, front, back and rear
in tomorrow's tabloid editions and Fleet Street, front page trash!

No less contrived, three of B-list arrived,
dismounting from plush limousines to well rehearsed routines,
in contrast of contrite, they did alight, 

onto the red carpet and inglorious scenes, 

stepped a chef, a comedian and oh what a sight,

the ultimate of all drama queens, 

can you hazard a guess, try not and digress,
are they really 'celebrities' or just desperado's with means?

The first does his cooking while everyone's looking
in either restaurant, hotel or canteen, 
to enhance the flavour and his image to savour,
this illustrious chef prefixes every word with an F
each dish, a most metaphorical, spicy cuisine
Always resourceful, but never remorseful, 
as he piles on the gravy, it's Mr Unsavoury!

Next, an attention seeking comedian, with him no happy medium

who now plies his trade across Atlantic water,
to maintain his status, had an idea hiatus,

in cahoots with a soul mate, made headlines through Sachs-gate, 

insulting a grandfather concerning his granddaughter, 
by means of the telephone, to the utter shock and outrage,

of millions of folk listening at home!
Now occasionally on television screen he can be seen,
a funny man 'of sorts', effervescent with vulgar retorts, 

a real libertine,it's none other than Mr Obscene!

Last but not least all eyes now feast 

on a 'lady' of  irrepressible rants,
formally page 3, now gossip magazines and even T.V
she is often seen without brassiere and pants! 
Always in pursuit of the cash though never abash,
she can on demand reduce or expand,
two most profound silicone implants, 

it's the ever disgraceful, Mrs Distasteful!

After the smiling and waving, dancing and raving
they stuffed thoroughly their botox enhanced faces,
oblivious of austerity would someone tell me, why avarice and gluttony

quickly  indulges those of assumed airs & graces?
They partied into a small hour then en route to the next bar,
walked by an old tramp stood under a street lamp,

begging for a little charity, but in keeping to form as was their norm 

with a splutter and cough, noses aloft muttering expletives ending in off,

brushed pasted him so arrogantly, in keeping with character and pedigree!

But this old tramp had an unseen little champ,

who like him does not well associate, or correlate, 

with all in modern society and it took great offence at such pretence,

of people so rude, their dismissive attitude, 

so decided on due recompense!

As the three hurried away to that next big soiree, naturally, 

did not walk by one more paparazzi, camera click 
as they posed rather risque, just who or what would betray, 
their next sensational, front cover pic?

Then a crafty wee creature of distinct facial feature, 

ran out from a dark alleyway and to make amends, 

jumped in front of the lens and there, unmoved it did stay,

in the next day newspapers and every magazine
pictured on front and inside, they had no where to hide,
by now, have you guessed who I really mean?
Superimposed over each celebrity's mug, looking so smug
a rat smiling back is clear to be seen!

So if you bat up the order, higher than seven
then it's doubtless, that you are good
but don't be dismissive of number eleven
and the way, he swings the wood
at times, you will be out in the middle
with the last man as he plays second fiddle,
treat him with respect, offer sound advice and the effect,
will be you'll have a friend, who can hold up an end
because, you show compassion and display brotherhood!

Neither, Unsavoury, Obscene, nor Distasteful be
and it shall be obvious for all to see!
You are a first class bat, one decent chap
and besides all of that....You will never be plagued by a rat!

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

poetically speaking i agree with Dr. Wood .. but this is so thorough and seems a lot of work as you present as many of the aspects of Hollywood "at it's best" ;) thanks for the link my friend ...we are in the same audience not in the audience eh!? :)))
E.

[Tom]

Couldn't put it better myself E. And thank you for the read, does need a little cutting & editing but glad to know you duly concur !

[Sheila Kline]

Sage advice at the end for all of us to follow. You have captured the ugly side of our celebrity "friends" who think much too much of themselves and not enough of others. The whole charade of it sickens me so I can certainly appreciate the depth of your observations as being "spot on"!! It is funny to think of the rat plastering himself in front of it all!! Bravo!!! Must have them all wondering "who cut the cheese"....lol

[Tom]

Revenge is best served by a Rat ! In this instance anyway, thank you again Sheila.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

One hellava...read here like you said in my comments and glad you recommended this one to me...You display a journalism point of view..not the reporters point of view to make them look larger than life...I like the caption from stanza to stanza...just goes all out with the demeanor of it all in the lines...

[Tom]

Thank you Glen

[Glen Yumang Manese]

u r welcome... Tom...

[Glen]

I've just re-read this wonderful ode, Tom. 3 cheers for the rat!

[Tom]

Thank you Glen and I'll join you in celebrating the rat's acclaimed notoriety !!

[Glen]

This is fabulously funny....it's easy to imagine the arrogance of these 3 as they move in their world of privilege. thanks for the glimpse, it's universal!

[Robbie~xoxo~]

While watching the "Teen choice awards" (don't ask, I was forced!), it stunned me to hear the vulgarity from a certain comedic chic accepting her award, and very explicit moments of expressions from stars such as Miley Cyrus sticking her tongue out in lewd ways (the girl has got the longest tongue, OMG) lol
Neither had a place for this in view of children (there were young kids in the audience)
There is a place and time to be crazy like that...I guess it's all a balancing act to be who they are, wherever they may be..??

anyway, you have a very good point...well expressed! :)

[Tom]

Thanks Robbie and yes I agree, I'm no saint myself ( who is? ) but there's a time and a place! Pity that many choose not to see it that way !

[Robbie~xoxo~]

I know... (sigh)....
My pleasure to read, Tom... thanks for writing it. :)

[Dr. Wood ?]

Yeah..great in parts...I think it need a little editing though to tighten up the rhyme sequence...Clear who they all are and I wholeheartedly agree...It seems that we are now forced to watch 'celebrities' I wonder how long it will be before they are reading the news

[Tom]

A 2yr belated thank you Dr Wood for your insightful review of my dig at the fickle world of celebrity lifestyle!

[Dr. Wood ?]

ha.....how time flies

[Dean]

An ambitious undertaking.. I would cut it a little, which I think could be done without sacrificing the sequence. A few grammatical errors here and there. I think you could find them.

[Tom]

Thanks Dean, I'll have a think about that it does tend to meander a bit !