The questions I ask myself at night

Sometimes overthinking what you know can be dangerous.

I am the kind of writer who writes better at night. So I normally start writing at nine or ten, but the good stuff comes to me after midnight. 

One night I sat at ten in my writing area, which is my seat in the dinner table for I don't have my own room in the house, I have to share with my grandma. I was writing the last chapters of my first novel and listening to music. Generally I listen to soundtracks from the movies I like to help me get in the mood I need. 

I got so caught up in my writing that I turned off my laptop at four in the morning. I had two hours left of sleep for I had to go to school the next day. I often tell myself stories to help me fall sleep fast. I began thinking about what I had just written, a story where the characters can travel through time and realms. I don't remember how that led me to ask myself "what if the stories I write about, I am not really making them up? Maybe it's something I can see through a wormhole and it's happening in another dimension. It all just falls perfectly in its place. I really need to stop watching my brother’s science T.V. shows. I write fantasy, not science fiction. What's happening to me?"

I'm sure I fell asleep sometime later because that's all I remember.

Days later mother read to me and my brothers the Bible. There was this story that talked about giants. I'm not a very religious person, but I do like to read the Bible. Though there are some parts I sometimes wish I hadn't read. I don't know if those parts were meant to be figuratively or if what they tell really exist or has existed. There are ghosts, dragons, the giants, all sorts of monsters. And it all just gets me thinking at night.

Watching T.V. with my brother doesn't help. It just makes me ask myself even more questions.

Like the pyramids in Egypt, who made them? Was it really humans? How come they are so perfectly aligned with the stars? Or the crystal pyramid that is in the Bermuda Triangle underwater. Underwater! 

Don't even talk to me about outer space or aliens. I mean, the universe is infinite, according to scientists. Are we really the only intelligent beings in the whole universe? 

Mom tells me that we're not, that god and the angels are out there, and that god made the universe just for us. But if the Earth is practically a grain of the dust compared to the size of the sun, and the sun itself is nothing compared to the biggest star in the galaxy, why make so much space? 

Besides people say that the water we drink is going to be gone one day, as well as the food we eat, the trees, and the animals. But how can that happen, the Earth is so big to us that there are places which humans haven't even walked through. We only know ten percent of the oceans waters.

The most horrifying conclusion I have come to with these questions is "what if we are actually the experiment of the real human race, and they have advanced technology they used to build the pyramids and all the ancient architectures that archeologists can't figure out how they were built? Maybe that's why there are so many different diseases with no cure. Maybe that's why we can't find anything out there. They are hiding it from us.

Other times I think:

What if I'm not real?

What if what my fictional characters are to me I am to another?

What if the theory of the multiverse is true and my other me is suffering in another dimension and that's why I get depressed for no reason?

What if in one of those universes I did die when I was a baby and I was drowning, maybe that's why I feel incomplete and not because I don't have a boyfriend?

The last one is my favorite. It actually makes me feel better. 

Though I don't know if I like asking myself these questions or not because they help me with my writing, but they scare me as well.

 

Author's Note

What do think? Have you ever asked those questions to yourself?

Reviews

[Angie]

If individuals aren't asking these questions, they're not asking the right ones! Nah, but yes, I have asked myself all the above! Your thoughts are so inspiring. I can't wait to read your other works. If these are just your thoughts, damn, you must have some amazing stories! The most interesting thought you had for me is the one where you asked what if you are to someone what your fictional characters are to you? That's a powerful question, as they all are, but I think as writers that raises an uneasy feeling. Kind of cool, kind of eerie.

[Tomoe Tellez]

Oh my gosh! It's one in the morning and you made me blush and put a really big smile on my face, I was about to fall asleep. Thanks for that, I needed it. As for my stories, I kinda have a novel that is based on that particular question. ;) I hope that I don't let you down on your expectations of me as a writer.

[Angie]

I'm glad you liked my review! I doubt you'll let me down at all. I feel like this is just a sneak peek of what you have to offer!

[Kajal Sharma]

this kind of gave me chills,,,there are so many thoughts going in your mind...... so many questions...loved it..really

[Tomoe Tellez]

It gives me chills too, that's why I got it out of my head. Thank you for your review. :)

[E G TEN]

Hello Alondra, you shouldn't be troubled at all, what you have
Is just a strong imagination and an open mind. What ever it is
That we read, somebody wrote it, its just a matter of believing
In it or not, so What ever What If it is you would like to share
Go ahead and write it down. I have a bunch of What if
Moments as well, a lot of people do. The problem is a whole lot
More of them out there does not have it, and they will judge and
Crucify you for thinking so. But don't worry that's What Is they do
Best because they cant What If just like you. So Keep writing.
And thanks for sharing! :-)

[Tomoe Tellez]

I do feel out of place most of the time for when I ask this questions out loud people shun me, but at least I have my brothers and parents to share this with, we've always been an odd family. And I am happy to know I can share them here with all of you. So thanks, to everyone.

[AaronFreitas]

Awesome write loaded with questions I am sure are always asked. I know I've asked most these if not all. Are we really the only living beings in this entire universe? It's hard to believe. Did Noah from the Bible really live 950 years? Is it even believable or was their measurement of time screwed up? It's crazy to think of the things we believe in the Bible... like the Red Sea parting so it could be crossed... I actually read something a while back about Thomas Jefferson (U.S. 3rd president) ... he re-wrote the Bible to his liking. He took out all the things he didn't agree with or felt were interpreted incorrectly. So many questions in this life :) Nice work it sparked some thought for me :)

[Tomoe Tellez]

I have read about those great lifespans, Noah wasn't the only one, the number of years lived by humans got lower with each generation, and I do believe in that possibility, humans use to live up to 100 years not so long ago, now the normal lifespan is 80-90 years. Thank you for reviewing and I'm glad it sparked some thought for you. :D

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Wait wait... I'm no religious person...but i did read the bible...remind me, where does it speak about dragons, and giants? lol. I must have missed that part.
other than that, nice write.

[Tomoe Tellez]

I think the giants appear first in the "Genesis", and the dragons mostly in "Revelation" but I know both appear somewhere else many times. I've found many times that fairies have religious origins too, but I haven't found them in the Bible. People believe they are beings like angels and demons, who are not too evil to go to hell but not good enough to be in heaven.
By the way thanks for reviewing.

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Umm... By giants you mean the "nephilim" which does not mean giants. There are arguments about the accurate translation. Meaning, nobody can prove if it really means "giants". As for the dragons...i don't know. Maybe i'll look it up. As for fairies... Well, a they come from different parts of the world. I think the bible doesn't tell us about "fairies" probably cuz of the many revisions it went through, many parts were lost, new ones added, some changed. Making the whole thing unreliable. Think about it.. And "fairies" as we know em, don't exist on the parts of the world where the "First christians" lived. And if the whole bible would be really the word of god, then it is only logical that we don't find parts of it, talking about non existing creatures. As for angels and demons... Many "real encounters" through history. Each and every one different than the other. Many have claimed they encountered angels, and demons, and some even say god spoke to them. Like a few war stories. Where american troops went to "hostile" territories, just so they can slaughter people. Then they get attacked, then "god" tells them to get out of there, because the enemy artillery is going to kill them. They move away, and by some miracle, what "god" said turned reality. But tell me, does god choose sides in the stupid wars of humanity?

[Dani The Unreviewed]

As for angels... An angel helped a millioner's wife to recover from an illness that, they could get treatment for...and even afford it. But the angels can't help the kids starving, dying, running away from home, crying out from the abusers arms, praying, and crying all night long. Where are the angels when these things happen? nowhere. Where are the angels when innocent people get killed for no reason?

As for demons... Many teach, that demons usually harm those who sin. I've heard stories of everyday people being abused by those not existing things. But i never once heard that a serial killer, or a kidnapper are being tormented by them. Why is that?

The bible is a stack of lies.

[Tomoe Tellez]

I don't think so, he probably sees us as foolish children fighting each other, but I do think it makes him sad. As for the giants, I read the Bible in spanish, so it is different.

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Oh...i see. Well that explains it. As for god... Well "he" never did anything for me...ever in my life, and thats not gonna change, cuz gods and stuff like that do not exist.
(Thats only my opinion, so don't get upset.)

[Tomoe Tellez]

Don't worry, I understand why you believe so,I know people who don't and their reasons, but if you don't believe in him it will be enough if you believe in yourself, we are after all his children.

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Well...i'm certainly not "his" child, or friend, or believer. If god exists, then god is the biggest, nastiest disappointment in my life. "God" failed. End of story. I'm sorry, but i can't believe in "god".

[Tomoe Tellez]

Mmm... Well, by the way in my Bible the nephilim are the children of giants and humans.

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Hieronymus Bosch is based on
Genesis 6:1–4
The Nephilim
( Hebrew : נְפִילִים , sing. נָפִיל , Naphíl
or Naphil) were offspring of the
"
sons of God " and the "daughters of
men" before the Deluge according
to Genesis 6:4 ; the name is also
used in reference to giants who
inhabited Canaan at the time of the
Israelite conquest of Canaan

[Dani The Unreviewed]

But in my version, they are children of the "fallen angels" and the "daughters of man" now you see my point? its just two translations, with an enormous difference.

[Tomoe Tellez]

Yeah, I know, it's something you learn when you know 2 languages, that's why I only read the Bible in my first language. You kind of get disappointed. In my language raven and crow translate to the same word "cuervo" even though they are different birds.