The questions I ask myself at night

Sometimes overthinking what you know can be dangerous.

I am the kind of writer who writes better at night. So I normally start writing at nine or ten, but the good stuff comes to me after midnight. 

One night I sat at ten in my writing area, which is my seat in the dinner table for I don't have my own room in the house, I have to share with my grandma. I was writing the last chapters of my first novel and listening to music. Generally I listen to soundtracks from the movies I like to help me get in the mood I need. 

I got so caught up in my writing that I turned off my laptop at four in the morning. I had two hours left of sleep for I had to go to school the next day. I often tell myself stories to help me fall sleep fast. I began thinking about what I had just written, a story where the characters can travel through time and realms. I don't remember how that led me to ask myself "what if the stories I write about, I am not really making them up? Maybe it's something I can see through a wormhole and it's happening in another dimension. It all just falls perfectly in its place. I really need to stop watching my brother’s science T.V. shows. I write fantasy, not science fiction. What's happening to me?"

I'm sure I fell asleep sometime later because that's all I remember.

Days later mother read to me and my brothers the Bible. There was this story that talked about giants. I'm not a very religious person, but I do like to read the Bible. Though there are some parts I sometimes wish I hadn't read. I don't know if those parts were meant to be figuratively or if what they tell really exist or has existed. There are ghosts, dragons, the giants, all sorts of monsters. And it all just gets me thinking at night.

Watching T.V. with my brother doesn't help. It just makes me ask myself even more questions.

Like the pyramids in Egypt, who made them? Was it really humans? How come they are so perfectly aligned with the stars? Or the crystal pyramid that is in the Bermuda Triangle underwater. Underwater! 

Don't even talk to me about outer space or aliens. I mean, the universe is infinite, according to scientists. Are we really the only intelligent beings in the whole universe? 

Mom tells me that we're not, that god and the angels are out there, and that god made the universe just for us. But if the Earth is practically a grain of the dust compared to the size of the sun, and the sun itself is nothing compared to the biggest star in the galaxy, why make so much space? 

Besides people say that the water we drink is going to be gone one day, as well as the food we eat, the trees, and the animals. But how can that happen, the Earth is so big to us that there are places which humans haven't even walked through. We only know ten percent of the oceans waters.

The most horrifying conclusion I have come to with these questions is "what if we are actually the experiment of the real human race, and they have advanced technology they used to build the pyramids and all the ancient architectures that archeologists can't figure out how they were built? Maybe that's why there are so many different diseases with no cure. Maybe that's why we can't find anything out there. They are hiding it from us.

Other times I think:

What if I'm not real?

What if what my fictional characters are to me I am to another?

What if the theory of the multiverse is true and my other me is suffering in another dimension and that's why I get depressed for no reason?

What if in one of those universes I did die when I was a baby and I was drowning, maybe that's why I feel incomplete and not because I don't have a boyfriend?

The last one is my favorite. It actually makes me feel better. 

Though I don't know if I like asking myself these questions or not because they help me with my writing, but they scare me as well.

 

Author's Note

What do think? Have you ever asked those questions to yourself?

Reviews

[Angie]

If individuals aren't asking these questions, they're not asking the right ones! Nah, but yes, I have asked myself all the above! Your thoughts are so inspiring. I can't wait to read your other works. If these are just your thoughts, damn, you must have some amazing stories! The most interesting thought you had for me is the one where you asked what if you are to someone what your fictional characters are to you? That's a powerful question, as they all are, but I think as writers that raises an uneasy feeling. Kind of cool, kind of eerie.

[Tomoe Tellez]

Oh my gosh! It's one in the morning and you made me blush and put a really big smile on my face, I was about to fall asleep. Thanks for that, I needed it. As for my stories, I kinda have a novel that is based on that particular question. ;) I hope that I don't let you down on your expectations of me as a writer.

[Angie]

I'm glad you liked my review! I doubt you'll let me down at all. I feel like this is just a sneak peek of what you have to offer!

[David Jae]

No, but they raise some interesting questions. You should think about including these issues in your writing.

[Tomoe Tellez]

In my writing, how? Thanks a lot for reading! :)

[David Jae]

A story needs to have an underlying message that goes through the narrative, adding depth. Lord of the Rings has the message about creeping industrialism underlying it and the dangers of unchecked industrial growth, for example.

Your observation about water on earth running out has a lot of potential.

[Tomoe Tellez]

Oh, like that, yeah I do use this questions in my novel, some of them have inspire me to writing it.

[David Jae]

That's how it should work.

[Coyote Poetry]

Writing my friend. Just a release of what we know. I believe the Jack London and Hemingway wrote the truth. They lived the words. I believe. We write what we know. I believe all we can do is write what we learn and about the life we lived. Thank you for sharing the story. You open the door to a long conversation.
Coyote

[Tomoe Tellez]

Thank you for reading and for reviewing. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[Writer99]

I ussually think that kind if stuff when im at class and i think also a lot about the things to lead to other things .Once I told a girl about these kind of things and she gabe me an explanation i dont remember that well ,but it came from a book called sofies world wich was funny beacuse she was called sofi if you want to take a look at the book google its called sophie's world

[Tomoe Tellez]

Oh, I will, thanks! And thank you for reviewing! :)

[Lyingwithlions]

Wow very compelling story. Reminds me of something I just heard. That we may be just a a video game being played in the far away future. Maybe on an X-Box 99. lol

Thank you for sharing. :)

[Tomoe Tellez]

Thank you for reviewing! Ja, ja, ja, there are a lot of ideas out there.

[Kaliope]

Oh, I have definitely asked myself these questions. The older I get though the more comforting I find the fact that there are no answers. I believe that mysteries are a gift, this - I think - is what makes us humans (and maybe other species, earthbound or perhaps even alien:-)) special, the ability to fill the void with stories to make sense out of the chaos. My advice is to enjoy and embrace your own confusion, never forget the bigger and incredibly sketchy picture - and believe me - that gets hard enough once you're trapped in everyday life's frivolities. When you get scared you might want to explore philosophers of present and past, they don't have any answers either but the questions are the same across history. Sometimes knowing that you're not alone helps a great deal :-)

[Tomoe Tellez]

Your reviews are always relieving and fill with encouragement. I do enjoy asking myself this questions, and even better, I don't need to look, I have my small family to share them with. We're kind of nerdy and odd because we think like this. Besides, I think that these questions are part of the reason I became a writer. So I'm grateful for that. Thank you for your words.

[Joshua Carl Cruz]

i reread this and laughed good naturedly. I have to admit when you´re fitting it all in at night the strangest occurances come to rest on you. I would imagine if someone was out there thinking of me I would be their most boring choice and that fact saddens me. im taking up skydiving. f**k it!

[Tomoe Tellez]

Awsome! I hope you have fun. The weirdest things do come to me at night, I guess it is why I write better then. Thanks for rereading, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[Jane Taylor Hardy]

Interesting and intriguing stream of consciousness.

[Tomoe Tellez]

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

[reidmyash]

visually creative and an interesting read. when i was younger and even now i had thoughts of the likelihood of a multiverse and the choices we all made in this life. Great read...keep writing...
-Ashley

[Tomoe Tellez]

Thank you, Ashley! The theory of the multiverse sparked my curiosity and I studied it more in depth, and even though I write fantasy it gave me inspiration for an idea I used in my first novel.

[Joshua Carl Cruz]

Streams of conciousness are interesting to say the least. This reads like a diary entry. I don't know if doubt and second guessing is the theme or the commentary over all. Questions with no answers are depressing if you don't have a grasp of philosophy or the courage to explore them. I remember being feeling a lot like this at 13. Good luck with your journey.

[Tomoe Tellez]

Thank you for reviewing and your good wishes. It felt great to finally share this with all of you. I have the habit to read a lot but I don't read novels, I like more textbooks or anything based on investigations of all sort of themes.