Chapter 1

Meet the family.

1

 

 

 

    

 

 

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* I hit the snooze button on my cell phone, mid-beep.It's 5:10am on Monday morning. Another wonderful week of worthless education and minimum wage teachers who are pissed off because they didn't get their McDonald's coffe made correctly. 

 

 

 I pull the covers off, then almost put them back on. It is freakin' cold!

 

"You need to get up, mom's making breakfast".

 

 

 
  I hear a voice coming from my doorway. I put a pillow over my face to block out the demons that are about rise from my body. Yes, I am just a little cranky this morning, blame it on Monday.

 

"How long have you been standing there?" I asked the little girl.

 

"Just long enough to hear you talk in your sleep about how much you want to do things to Kada Hilman...you're sick, dude" She said.

 

"Go away, Elaine". I said. She hates it when I call her that.

Then it happens, what I assume was a doll of hers hits me right in the crotch, and she giggles. I barely give an oof, But, I'm still going to kill her. I jump out of bed and give chase.

 Sarah Elaine Wieser, pronounced weezer, is the pinnacle of annoying sisters. The kind you just want to throw off a bridge.

 I barely get to the closet door outside my room before she swings it open and I run smack right into it. I reel back in pain, then I hear her laugh manically as though it was from a high-budget horror movie. She heads downstairs.

 I get up and head back to my room, it's a fairly decent just-turned-seventeen year old kid's room.

An AC/CD poster just to the right of the doorway, a framed Guitar Hero III poster I got from spending a night outside GameStop this summer, my computer sits on a desk the west end of the room, while my bed sits right across from the doorway, I need to move it.

 I head into my walk-in closet and gather up some clothes: a striped black & white long-sleeve shirt, black cargo pants, and my favortie white high-tops.

Time to hit the showers!...But, before that can happen, here comes Sarah!

I had a plan this time.

Sarah starts to run down the hall, and just as she reaches the bathroom doorway, I intercept her.

I leapt for the doorway, blocking it, and knock her back. The look on her face is priceless, I just smile at her, and shut the door. I know she's going to get back at me, she always does.

 Oh, God!...My blonde hair is suffering from a severe case of Bedhead, time to fix that. It always gets to the ladies. My girlfriend loves it.

 ***

 

  After a refreshing shower, I got dressed and headed downstairs, and was greeted by The Irksome One with a slap in the stomach.

 "Morning, Dylan" Sarah said

I just sighed and went about my business.

 

"Sarah, will you please leave your brother alone?". Mom strained

 

"Good Morning, Mother!" I teased.

 

"Good, Morning, Son!"

 

"What's for breakfast?". I asked

 

Mrs. Ellie Kay Wieser's cooking was killer, Dad on the other hand- Well, let's not talk about Dad right now.

My mother, at 38, is the girl next door. The one every man wants, but if they tried, I know my mom to be the one to kick his a*s.

 

"I've made the same crap you eat everyday, boy!" Mom has a great sense of humor.

 

This morning she's made her Garlic eggs, cinnamon & strawberry toast, vanilla orange cream juice, and steak sausage.

In case I haven't told you already, she's a chef and caterer, plus she has her own resturant, up north in Highlands Ranch, called Cafe De Colorado. A true master of food.

 

"So what do you have in school, today". Mom asked as I sat down, she handing me a plate.

 

"Yea, what are you not going to accomplish today?". Sarah chimed in.

 

Before I could respond, mom gave my sister a look that could abject fear into a sewer rat. Mom turned around to dish up her own plate, I looked at Sarah and smiled. Me: 2 - Sarah: 1.

 

"Well, today I've got my 'Career Stratgies' class final exam, we might be getting a new teacher for P.E. and the Sheriff is supposed to be coming for a Career Oppotunities presentation, but I think that's pretty much the only interesting stuff going on today". I explained as I wolfed down my food, I'm not really one for big conversation.

 

"Sucks for you" I heard Sarah mutter under her breath.

 

"B***h" I muttered back, she adorned the 'deer in the headlights' look. I again, mischeviously smirked.

 

I looked at my watch, 6:32am. I need to leave.

 

"Oh, it's 6:30...gotta bounce!". I blurted, getting up from the table.

 

"Make sure you pick-up your sister after school, Dylan". Mom called out.

 

I stopped dead in my tracks. This was the second time I've ever had that little s**t in my car.

 

"Wh- Why, where're you going be" I asked, trying not to sound pissed off.

I couldn't fathom having Sarah in my car, if I'm goin' down, I'm takin' her with me.

 

"I've got a tour for a possible cateree at three this afternoon" Mom replied.

 

At this point I can't argue with her, when it comes to her job, she's first, besides she makes alot of money per stint.

 

"Ok" I said walking towards the door, I picked up my bookbag and turned one last time toward Sarah, and shot her a look that said: 'F**k around and your face will be on the news'.

13 year-old Sarah Wieser crapped her pants.

 

"Bye, mom!...Love ya!" I shouted.

 

Before she could respond, I shut the door, and walked into the crisp morning air.

 

 

 

Author's Note

First Draft....needs a little work.

Reviews

[Patrick Gerlits]

Impressive uncle Tom, very impressive. The relationship between Dylan and Elaine reminded me of a Disney Channel television show my two little sisters would watch, Drake and Josh, however I had the distinct feeling Elaine is emulating Katie and Ellie has some of your mothers personality.

I thought the use of profanities was extreme and unnecessary; you remember my creed which covers this particualr topic? The one which explains the link between stupidity and vulgarities?

I believe this is not only your most ambitious writing yet but absolutely your best, my talent must finally be rubbing off on you.

[Myra Fellows]

I feel as though I am coming onto the scene a bit late. I am not sure you are even here anymore.
I agree that the "little girl" and the swearing does not fit. If your mom is truly that cool and "girl next door-ish", she would shun the use of expletives. She is written to be classy. A caterer. A professional. I do enjoy the brother/sister banter. That is accurate and well written. Is "Garlic eggs" capitalized because it is a trademark dish? This does set the tone. 17 year old egocentric and immature boy, young impish sister, maturing with respect for mother. Leaving reader questioning how father plays a role..wondering if this is the guy you kill in the prologue...

[Patrick Gerlits]

Coming back here after 2 years since my last post I realize how arrogant I really was. Man was I an a*****e! Lol.

[Patrick Gerlits]

Lol. Tommy. Reading my post from before I see that what I should have said is this...You're doing a great job here and I love the reference to Mc Donalds coffee. (You used to work there after all). Then theres the chemistry behind your characters. And what's better is they're all characters in your life. Great job at copying and pasting your family.

[LongTale]

Not bad. You've done a good job of setting the scene.
I'm sure you are aware of the problems with punctuation and will get them fixed. Also, you introduce the sister as - the little girl. Go ahead and called her my sister Sarah right from the start. It keeps the reader in the story better.

I'd like to see a bit of the MCs motivation in addition to his relationship to his family. As it is, you've lost the dark mood you started in the prologue. What does he want? What is keeping him away from his goal?