Atlantis

As part of the UWN challenge, here is a poem on Atlantis

A once great and powerful might
Sank to the sea in a single night

Of misfortune, the soldiers it sent to attack
Athens, found they had no land when they went back
Everything, everywhwere, every one
Of friends, of family, of all were gone
This is the legend, so it is told
From this day to Plato of old
Whether is existed no one is sure
But the legend through the years seems to endure

The story shows that no matter how great your power
All too soon and too suden can come the hour
And all that you had is no good, is no more
And those after will doubt did you exist at all before
So be warned, noble emporors, remember these things
Pay heed, proud princes and haughty kings
And cruel dictators who make nations worship your name
All power will be ended, and each will be the same

Atlantis was never, and never could be
In time others may say the same of others such as we...
 

Author's Note

This is a first draft, so excuse any spelling mistakes!!!

Reviews

[Gandré]

The mythos Atlantis.....yes, Plato described for us humanity the structure of this oldest culture but till know there is no one fund which could be 100 % assigned with Atlantis. There is this - discus from Phaistos, and they speculate it is a document from Atlantis; but its hieroglyphs can't be interpreted 100%. they also speculate that Atlantis disappeared within a huge tsunami and a huge movement of it, in the structure of the earth's crust and those large-scale processes that took place within; we might never know, yes. Great poem, once again.

[Starsong]

I really, really like the end where you point out that the most powerful empire, or people, could disappear overnight. Sometime I wonder about the United States. How much longer will we remain a super power? How soon before no one ever has ever heard of us? It is a little rough meter-wise, but very thought provoking. Good write!

[Chanti]

I think many are facinated with the story of Atlantis. You've done a good job with this poem.
~Chanti

[RachelleB]

I love stories on Atlantis and found this poem quite enjoyable as well as thought-provoking, especially the last couple of lines(personally i believe there was an Atlantis)....Great rhythm, excellent rhyme...very well written...

Rachel

[Kimberly R. Larkins]

First - Wow! I am impressed.
I think it is very very difficult to take something like this and put into rhyme.
Your effort is commendable. I like the rhythm and flow. When you get a moment fix the spelling errors, but I really hope you don't re-write this much or not at all. That's just my opinion :-)

Second - Your words gave me pause.

Third - I have a new idea for my youth groups. Thanks!

favorite lines
"So be warned, noble emporors, remember these things
Pay heed, proud princes and haughty kings
And cruel dictators who make nations worship your name
All power will be ended, and each will be the same"

[Butterflymom]

Very creative, and imaginative!!! Great write, and a pleasure to read.

[A.j. Dru]

I like that you stuck to the historical/mythical reference as the main theme. You apparently have researched the subjectly to some degree, which always makes for entertaining and informing writing. So, content-wise, I like what you have. However, I find the structure and the use of rhyme a bit distracting. I feel as though the need to rhyme limits what you can do with the words. As Dawn Marie points out, it seems forced. It just doesn't seem to have the emotion behind it that it could have.

Also, you need to appeal more to the senses. I didn't find a single instance of sensory language. I want to be cast into that world-- I want to smell, hear, taste, and feel. I would also like it you used more description and painted a picture with the words. All of this is hard to do when fenced in by rhyme, so I recommend that, if you choose to rewrite, you should ditch the rhyme and see where you can go without that limitation.

[Timman724]

I like it, simple and sweet, historical flavored but uncertain... kind of like the real myth of atlantis. i went to same direction myself, but i didn't even have a picture, you get my vote bro.

Tim

[Yira Simone]

I really liked this! I liked how you used rhyming throughout the poem. I too like the mroal message of the poem, that every dog has it day before it dies so to speak. It was as if you were showing that it did not matter if the story of Atlantis was true, but rather the exticntion of people was very true, and strongly possible, so be aware that we too could be the next Atlantis according to our actions.-Catrina

[Chaos X 3]

all in all i think this was pretty good. It had a moral which i like "no matter how mighty, all will fall eventually. so take heed" Unfortunately, I do have to say that the rhyme scheme is a little forced. (don't take that personally, I get that all the time.) : )
good job

-Dawn Marie