Its Ironic

A small boy has run away and is trying to buy a map that will show him how to get to Germany. In defeat he finds a bench in witch he reflects his problems to a woman eating her lunch.

It’s Ironic

 

A woman is sitting on a bench eating a sandwich, probably on her lunch break. A small boy comes over and sits beside her.

 

Are you ok?

Not really.

Oh, well what’s wrong?

Well I ran away and I was going to go find my dad in Germany but I don’t know how to get there, and the man said this wasn’t enough to buy a map. (he jingles 2 20ps and a 10p)

Germanys a long way!

I know, that’s why I need a map.

Why you running away?

I don’t like my school, but my Mum wont let me go to another one because she sais that’s it’s a good school, and if I went to a different school I would do bad and then I wont get a job and ill live on the streets. So I looked it up on the Internet, and the streets in Germany look really nice.

(The woman looks around as if she thinks this is some sort of joke)

I’m sure your mum knows what she’s talking about.

I don’t like my school, because the kids call me names and then they flick me, and they say I’m stupid and one girl, the one with the blonde hair and the bow, (the women nods as if she knows what he is on about), she calls me ugly, witch is ironic because she has a really big mole right here. (He points)

Oh… Big word you used there

My mums boyfriend sais it a lot, one time he was saying it was ironic because he was making dinner and he said it was a women’s job, but I looked this up and he used the word wrong, because it was not ironic.

Oh

He’s not very smart, and I told him that he used ironic wrong but he just told me I was stupid, so I explained to him why he was stupid, and that’s how I got this. (He lifts his top to reveal a bruise)

Does your mum know this?

She sais that Dave is very sorry, and I told her I wanted him to leave, but she said that she loves him too much, and then she said he was sorry again. My mum lies a lot, witch is ironic because adults always tell me not to lie, but she is a big liar, so this is ironic. I know she lies a lot because she tells me that “sticks and stones can break my bones but names can never hurt me”.

Ok.

But this is not true because when Nancy, (seeing the women’s confusion) the one with blonde hair and a wart (she nods), when she tells me I’m ugly it hurts a lot. And also sticks have nether hurt my bones, so she must be lying.

(the women looks bewildered, and just continues eating her sandwich)

Anyway, enough about me, tell me about you. 

Author's Note

Id really love a review.

Reviews

[Eggman]

The child's great. Honestly his plain and simple outlook on life makes him a very enjoyable character, and the way that he's a lot smarter than people give him credit for also works to this end. I ended the passage really routing for him, I think that every reader will be able to relate to him in one way or the other. Honestly this piece has the potential become to a fully fledged story and I would enjoy reading the whole thing. So that's my biggest advice for you - don't let end the story here!

I have some quick comments though. I've never written a screenplay, so I'm certainly no expert, but is the detail of the coins that the boy is shaking really necessary at this stage? That criticism is unnecessarily pedantic though. Also, I noticed some inconsistency - the girls mole becomes a wart later on. Now for some probably more useful criticism, I hope. Since "ironic" isn't actually a big word, it might be better for the woman to describe it as fancy or something like that. I'd also recommend that you read over it as there were quite a few missing words, which didn't detract from the story itself but would make the screenplay a more enjoyable read.

All in all, great story, I urge you to pursue this idea further as it will make a fantastic read!

-eggman

[T.Langham]

Thanks a lot man, really appreciate the review. I will definitely take on board this feedback, and improve this piece. I admit it was not originally intended to be continued but I will consider how I could this and will try to at some point. Thanks again for the feedback.
T.L