Ash Wednesday

I don't think anyone expected me to come this far and end up here like this. 

Not my mother, when she gave birth to me and raised me alone 

to be a humble and pious adult. 

Not my friends in high school, with whom I did more terrible 

things than I am ever able to forgive myself. Hell, not even I 

did when I applied for theology studies, still not fully sober 

to grasp the reality I seemingly without care decided to build 

for my future.

Yet here I am, in church, Ash Wednesday, with hundreds of believers 

standing in line, patiently awaiting their turn to receive a cross 

of ashes, me eventually meeting the forehead of all worshippers, 

leaving them looking more and more dirty than devout as the day goes by.

I guess I believe only God can truly decide who is to become one of 

his servants, a priest- that he appears to these people somehow, 

sending them signs. I guess that's why I'm here, he never appeared to me. And they found out on the day of my ordination. 

But at least my remains are used for a good cause.