A Single Carnation

So here i sit
upon this chair
the candles lit
but it's not fair.
right in front of me
lies the "you" that you aren't
because what i see
isn't what you weren't.
i clutch my tissue in my hand
grandpa gripping my shoulder
your coffin, so wooden and grand
a single carnation lies; a pain too vast beyond measure.
when the ceremony is over
and they prepare to bury you in that hole
i throw myself on the ground over your space i hover
but i know they're burying your body, not your soul.
but i'll still miss you every last day, the moments.

Will you watch me, Papa, as I live, and as you go on, see
my future that isn't clear?
i've reduced from a dolphin to a minnow
because your heart that day
that phone call that broke my wind
silenced me all the way
left me stranded, standing, motionless
without
a breath.

Author's Note

um. dont judge. i wrote this right after the burial.