Dimpled With Doubt

Your smile disappeared behind your dupatta

Like the Sun going behind a cloud

Oh, such magnificence

Not easily hidden, senorita!

Rose petals bloom beneath your rosy feet

The daffodils dance to the breeze of

Your sigh

Is this your garden, or are you the garden's?

Pray tell me not, for it matters not

The spring in my heart has begun

Buttercups have raised their heads

Old oaks whisper gracious odes

Like old gentlemen of past

To your radiance; your gloriousness

Blushing birds take flight

Dimpled with doubt, a crescent on your lips

Loamy earthy soil fiercely squabbles with rose petals

Over who will adorn your feet?

You bend down

And come up with a young, dead plant

Alas, the good die young!

Eyes filled with sorrow, your heart beating with grief

Rooted to the spot, I stand there

A blink of an eye

And oh my! She's sprightly again!

Even the plant asks

"Fair maiden, be you not sent from the heavens?"

　

Winding and wandering

Through the thorny bushes and nettle stings

That snag on her dress and cause her distress

Making her pout(a marvellous pout indeed!)

Yet gently lowering her watering spout

I thirst

To drink from her till my heart's content

Swaying gently in the breeze

Of her gentle sigh

I wait for her

And her dupatta.

　

　

Author's Note

Dupatta is an indian term for the clothing labelled as "stole" :)

Reviews

[Mary Bradley]

Such an eloquent poem Tks ... lovely to read . Thank you for sharing

[....................]

Old oaks whisper gracious odes
Like old gentlemen of past

Loamy earthy soil fiercely squabbles with rose petals
Over who will adorn your feet

Simply wonderful personification that helps demonstrate the beauty of this goddess. Nice write TKS!

FT

[Nadia Gerassimenko]

I learned a new word today, so cool! Thanks for that.

Now onto the poem. I felt it lively and radiant at times, and at other times hopeless and melancholy. But the overall feeling was refreshing, because guess what? Spring is coming! And no matter the sad feelings, there is still hopefulness and avid waiting for good things to come.

I love the muse you have placed in your poetic painting. She seems so mysterious and mesmerizing, and very fitting to the beautiful garden you have painted with your words.

A few things I thought you could improve on (disregard them if you wish!):
- "Pray tell me not, for it matters not" - That's a bit too many "not" endings. Maybe you can write something like, "Pray tell me not, for it does not matter"
- "'Fair maiden, be you not sent from the heavens?'" - Here you could write, "are you not sent from the heavens?" or "are you not sent from Heaven" for it to sound more fluid.
That is all!

[Deepika]

Aww this is so cute :) Your words are so lucid and magical to paint the lovely images that your words attempt to render. I enjoyed it :))

[AaronFreitas]

This is an awesome piece of work Tks.... really enjoyable read. I loved imagery in this piece and how connected I felt the entire time I was reading. Great job!

[Michelle Coleman]

The whole time I was reading this poem, I was struck by the similarities between woman described in this poem Persephone. You must have been inspired by a goddess. 😉

Your prose is quite magical.

[Jamestown]

This my friend is prolific! This is full of imagery, flow, format, and down
right beautiful! Thanks for sharing and b-blessed!