Sepia Tone Graffiti

The sky cracks open like a bullwhip and

I was taking nothin’ but lip from the night before

Trying to find my footing in this three ring circus side show Ice Capades

Nothing but clowns and bystanders on these streets tonight

Just like my check bouncing, rubber necking to get their fill of the horrors of this world

All you have to do is look out your bedroom window on any given night

And my coat full of receipts from nights I don’t remember

In cities I can’t name to keep all the parties involved safe and sound

In their little bungalows

I have a better chance of seeing Jesus walk through this door

Than to see you do the same, but the thought keeps me walking

It’s colder than a shotgun gut shot b***h Labrador with 6 pups sucking

On dried out teats draggin’ an empty trap in the dead of winter

In a goddamn blizzard with no hope, no hat and all the shoulda’s and woulda’s

And coulda’s ringing in my ears

And cursing all the beers I had the night before or

Wishing I had at least a few more to stave off this hangover

And my rents going up another 50 dollars

I saw an old man pulling a rickshaw with one wheel missing

And I thought I would ask him for a ride ‘cause it looked like

He knew a thing or two about walking in circles and never really

Coming up to speed

And I’m 1, 2, 3, 4 sheets to the wind

Blowing through the holes in my jeans, but

I didn’t buy them this way, my holes were made

With dumb luck and dumber decisions

The sky cracks like a bullwhip

And all the cars in the parking lot are growling at me

And the streetlights look like spotlights

And I’m glad you’re gone, but

I wish you were here

And my head is splitting

I think I may lose my mind

And I’m still taking lip from the night before

Sepia tone graffiti; old timey debauchery

Somehow seems more whimsical then menacing

And the light sneaking through the stained glass

Makes this place look like a kaleidoscope

And the stars like fireworks bursting a beautiful

Yellow-blue impression

And the roads like rivers carrying everyone to the

End of the line

End of the world

Heat from storm drain, steam like a tea kettle train whistle

Blowing it all to hell

Sirens singing the night song like a lullaby

Through secret concrete twilight gardens

The moon is a bright oasis lighting our way

Through this concrete maze as it rises up

Like some old Irish novel

The frost on the cars sheen like lacquer

This abstract canvas covered with black and blues

There’s no gold at the end of these gasoline rainbows

As the sky cracks open like a bullwhip

Reviews

[Erica Daubert]

First and foremost, I would just like to say... WOW. As I sat in my South Philly apartment smoking a spliff after calling out of work today out of sheer laziness and thinking a few extra hours to primp before the bar adventure I'd be embarking on later this evening, I stumbled upon this piece. I must say when I read,
"I saw an old man pulling a rickshaw with one wheel missing
And I thought I would ask him for a ride ‘cause it looked like
He knew a thing or two about walking in circles and never really
Coming up to speed"
I actually stopped reading, and said "holy s**t" and reread that line a few times. It blew me away.

I appreciate the brutal honesty of your own actions through your writing. I tend to do the same on a regular basis, and then vindicate my reckless, thrill seeking behavior by realizing I wouldn't have much to write about if I gave into the "normal life" and did the 9-5 scene.

The reference to the holes in your jeans was brilliant. If I had a dollar for how many times I've woken up with holes, burns, rips and tears in my clothing... well, I'd probably be able to buy a few new pairs of pants.

Another thing I loved, was that you didn't break the poem up into stanzas. The overall feeling I got from this is that the thoughts wandered from one to the next in sort of a chaotic and scrambled manner, yet very well-written and poetic. Sometimes it's hard to make sense of it all when our thoughts are racing in different directions.

Overall, this may be my favorite piece on Writers Cafe. Bravo.

[Aaron]

That is a powerful piece of writing. The whole poem is pulling the reader deeper.
Thanks for sharing.

[Vanesa Markovic]

This piece made my heart race, what a thrill!

"I have a better chance of seeing Jesus walk through this door
Than to see you do the same, but the thought keeps me walking"
I relate to this so strongly. This is talent displayed at it's finest, thank you.

[Mark]

Hell yeah.

[Ishan Sadwelkar]

Lovely poem.

I'm going to read it again after a few days and find faults. For now I just want to breathe into the visuals for a while.

[Brad]

wonderful prose, could here this being spit out on a microphone. love the voice of this, raw with emotion

[Octob3r Star]

Oh these beastly beats! Many of the things I don't miss about the city life. The structure of this writing was very much laid out and written with courage and strength. Truth even... We all see this, its nice to notice someone write about it.

[Empirik]

This is urban verbal warfare as raw as graffiti under a bridge somewhere. With all it's serious satire and prosper I found myself inlaid with a pleasant mind. Thank you for this highly descriptive articulation of an urban glimpse of a different lifestyle. :)

[The White Wolf]

"The sky cracks open like a bullwhip"... a very interesting way to start off. Though I would have to agree that the repetition of it made it less impactful. Overall, I like this, moreso because of its use of words. It seems very much like a hard and fast look at a moment in time, one that leaves me feeling like I have just survived the apocalypse. Nicely done.

[Alessander]

Very Bukowski-ish.

There's a lot of great phrasing in this piece, beginning with the fantastic opening "The sky cracked open like a bullwhip" - awesome.

Very gritty urban imagery like the dog with teats, the old vagrants, the delapidated rickshaw with one wheel (which can be symbolic on a deeper level). The gasoline rainbows.

Impressive.

Not sure if I would repeat "the sky cracks open like a bullwhip" - as much as I love that line (and I get it - it is the refrain), using it only once, either at the beginning or the end, IMO, would be more effective.

But, that's just a minor suggestion.

Great work. One of my rare 99ers.

[Little Birdie]

Whatever I say and comment here simply can't express just how much impact this has left on me. Your poem is beyond brilliant, with some of the best describing I've read in a long, long time. I have the feeling there's a persistent, present tone of irony behind the awed lines but nonetheless, it just makes the atmosphere described even greater and a simplest night out and away experienced to the maximum and all senses used and abused to the point where simple words really become poetry. Great, great work.