Dare to love

The other side of my journey were greys untill I
met a lad.
I had euphoria the first time we begin words
multiplying into phrases. Felt an act of deja-vu,
since then I best to flashback his memories. And
I fell into the ocean, where nobody could lay a
hand, but a sympathy ship, both sailed a miles
into the deeps.
Meanwhile !
Said a lad '' dont fall inlove through the deeps
with me, we maynot reach our destiny sailing this
sinking ship ''
My charm werent enough to make him notice ,yet
he have a kind touch that can melt frozen hearts.
Knowing fate leads, that only one can survive, I
planned to evade from the sinking ship so he can
escape from the blues. The moment he turn,
With no regrets but cherishing, I blow him Goodbye

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Your writing is interesting & well-done . . . good job of using metaphors like sailing in a ship as a way to symbolize the journey of love. You asked me specifically in a private message to help you with your English, so that I will do . . . please do not take this as nitpicking, since I usually do not make these kinds of corrections . . .

"I had euphoria" . . . better to say "I felt euphoria"
"first time we begin words" . . . repetitive (first time = same meaning as "begin") so I
suggest "first time we share words" or "first time we toss out words"
"Felt an act of deja-vu" . . . "an act" seems awkward, try "felt traces of deja-vu"
"I best to flashback his memories" . . . very awkward, try "my mind flashed back to his memories"
"both sailed a miles into the deeps" . . . minor mistakes, try: "both sailed miles into the deep"
"my charm weren't enough" . . . should be "my charm wasn't enough"
"he have a kind touch" . . . should be "he has a kind touch"
"I planned to evade from the sinking ship" . . . try "I tried to get away from the sinking ship"
"with no regrets but cherishing" . . . try "with no regrets and always cherishing"

If you do not want these specific corrections, please feel free to tell me . . . Fondly, Margie

[Toto James]

I really love you helped me correct it, thank you so much

[Wild Rose]

Just friends
Like passing ships on the ocean
We meet feel love but it is not reciprocated
Sadly we have to say good bye
and move on to search for the one true person .
There is someone out there for every one

We have to keep on trying until we find

[Toto James]

Awwwwwwwwwwwww

[Ghost writer]

that's really good, I like the whole idea of the boat and everything, the rhymes are bold, the last line is a bit awkward but I still get what you were saying, which is very important.

[Toto James]

Lol thanks, I'll work on it to make better next time