Hardships

I survived the test,

I completed my mission,

I beat all the rest,

I don't need your permission.

 

I'll fight 'till I lose,

I'll fight 'till I die,

But I refuse to lose,

I'm facing towards the sky.

 

I will strive for perfection,

I cannot be broken,

God is my protection,

Keep on strokin'.

 

Sometimes the trials,

Are too hard for me,

We must continue the fight,

To what we are born to be.

 

 

Reviews

[CircusNerd]

The words are good, but the flow isn't as smooth. Some lines have a few syllables, with the line after them containing many more. That causes the reader to have to pause on to read the line longer. Poetry flows like music does. If the first line of a song has four beats, then so should the second, and the third, until the end of the stanza.

Like this:
I survived the test,
I fulfilled my mission,
I beat all the rest,
I don't need your permission.

I'll fight 'till I lose,
I'll fight 'till I die,
But I refuse to lose,
I'm facing the sky.

I strive for perfection,
I cannot be broken,
God is my protection,
So Keep on strokin'.

Sometimes the trials,
Are too hard for me,
but I must keep fighting,
To be what I'm meant to be.

I love the ardency behind the poem, but once flow is acquired then the reader will be able to flutter along with the poem. It's like Romeo and Juliet. Because Shakespeare wrote in Iambic Pentameter, reading his poetry was a lot easier to do, because of the pauses which were all in the same place.

This wasn't really meant to criticize, so don't take it the wrong way cause the poem itself has so much soul that I want to know what else is behind the words, the tribulations, and the victories. Keep writing!!!!

Improvement is the most inevitable incident, so just keep getting better!!!!