Wise Owl? Nah, he's just angry.

I needed to let off some steam.

 

As a rule, I despise teenage rants. Usually because of the general whiny nature of problems I care very little about. Who cares if I can’t get a girlfriend when we’re running out of fuels, there’s world-wide poverty and a couple hundred wars going on at the same time? I’m not even sure I do. Suicidal poems irritate me to the point of willing the poet to actually solve everyone’s problems and make that final cut. Teenage angst is something I hate, unrequited love bores the hell out of me, and abuse is something I’ve heard so very many times before. Hell, I’ve had my share and I turned out fine. Well, that’s debateable. The point is, I despise the idea of a teenager, and naturally enough, I am one. I am supposed to be out drinking myself to death, smoking various substances and snorting other ones. I am supposed to be having wild sex with girls I neither know nor trust. I am supposed to enjoy hours of dancing to repetitive noises in a poorly-lit room. I am supposed to be a teenager.

 

I am not what I am.

Everything I am supposed to be, I don’t want to be. And, in the spirit of the universe’s ever present sense of humour, complaining about this makes me a teenager. Because, let’s face it, teenagers are also supposed to complain. I could go on with this subject of my complaining that I am complaining until I created a time paradox, but if it’s all right with you, I’ll stop pretty soon. Don’t worry; I’ll throw in some jokes to lighten the mood. It’s only my life, right?

I suppose this all began a few days ago. This rant I mean, not my life. That would stem from further back and honestly I was a little too preoccupied with being born to jot any of it down. This rant, however, began when I was invited to a friend’s birthday party. I say friend, I mean someone I have had absolutely no contact with for a year. Yes, this was a pity invite and no, I didn’t care. I wasn’t going to go. Of course, my friends tried to twist my arm.

                ‘C’mon, Owl, it’ll be fun.’
                ‘That’s very subjective.’
                ‘There’ll be girls there!’
                ‘I am one for equal opportunities.’
                ‘There’ll be free food!’
                ‘Well, now that is tempting.’
                ‘You don’t want to disappoint your friend, do you?’
                ‘Oh, you had to play that f*****g card.’

Unfortunately, I do have a conscience. It’s a small one, and it pisses me off. But, yes, it exists. So, I agreed to attend this friend’s birthday party. I told people it was because I wanted to be nice. This made them smile. The truth is, I have recently had it explained to me that I am quite a personal person. Yeah, I know. I’m a loner, is probably the easiest way to explain it. The guy at the back of the class who shuffles through corridors with a big duffle bag on his back, that’s me. Just slightly friendlier, if I do say so myself. I enjoy peace. I am happy with my own company, and I like to take my own sweet time with things. I don’t consider this bad or wrong at all, but one night another friend of mine decided to describe me like this:

                ‘You just play games, watch movies, masturbate, write stories and ignore your sadness.’

I was actually quite proud of that.

Still, I thought that maybe I should try this whole teenager thing. See how it goes. I shan’t be boring you with the details, because frankly, it’s not worth my time writing them down. The night ended not an hour ago with a group of said ‘teenagers’ standing in the cold, driving their cars into each other, swapping bodily fluids at alarming rates, raising their collective alcohol contents to dangerous proportions, and generally having much of their beloved ‘fun’.

I was cold, angry and wanted to go home.

The punchline is, I couldn’t wait to get back to my keyboard and complain.

I am who I am and I like it. I like being at the sidelines, I like watching the world go by, and y’know what? I’m cool with being a loner too. While I have no doubt that currently, as I write this twisted and pointless little column of letters, my friends are having much sex, drugs and for all intents and purposes, good old rock and roll.

But y’know what?

F**k ‘em.

I’m quite happy to sit here and just play games, watch movies, masturbate, write stories and ignore my sadness.

Hey, maybe I am a teenager.

Author's Note

Heh, this was quite relaxing. It was a bad night, but I'm feeling fine now. I wouldn't take this too seriously, it's about 80% fact and 20% fiction.

Reviews

[Mononoke]

Look, this is brilliant. This is rock n roll:) There s more passion in your writing than maybe in these hot moments your friends were having while you were writing this down.
Yeah, you take it slowly. If you were about to start drinking and going wild you would end up liek Neal Cassady:)
Well, as I said. Brilliant:)

[Jane Doe]

i like it it does me think of katelin she can b a moddy butt though a big butt and if she gets mad enough she will sit on me and cuss me out so i geuss she might not come from mars may b she is a ttenager omg brooke is gunna b shocked

[H]

It's blown a little out of proportion and it's absolutely true. It's okay to sound pretentious (I'm saying this while reading Val Val's review) and it's even better when you're able to make fun of yourself. It adds zest. The whole of "Wise Owl?" has got a lot of flavor.

[If you ever come over here let's grab a coffee and chat for the five minutes I have available before I have to run to catch a train to catch another train. Ha!]

[Val Val]

"Who cares if I can't get a girlfriend when we're running out of fuels"

I understand this is a rant. And I get it. But your writing voice is a little... annoying. Like you are talking way way down to the reader. Just my opinion. Just FYI.

[Katelyn]

Being young is overrated. Acting young is boring as hell.

All the fun comes later when you find yourself an old man with the simple pleasure of going to a public hotspot, sitting on a bench, and yelling obscenities and insults at passing teenagers. Let's face it, the teenage youth is fucked up and only morons take part in their risky behaviors.

Well damn. Most people are morons.

[.]

F**K YEAH BOLDNESS!!!

I must say you're one of the rare people to admit fapping (jacking off) as an activity. And on the internet of all places.
You're pretty awesome, in fact you remind me of myself what with all the resentment and contempt for those who don't seem capable of maturity. And since I'm awesome, that makes you just as great by association. Oh and I'm totally being pretentious but you just put yourself higher than a whole demographic so I'd be quiet about my sense of superiority.

No wonder I took the time to read your book.

[Francoooooooooooooo]

Wow very nice rant there sir. I think i can agree with you on this one, I'm not your stereotypical teen myself =P. This is definately something that goes against the teen stereotype, and I am proud to be there with you. Awesome stuff, good words, and keep on ranting about er...bad rants xD!

[Stephanie]

I, like you, have no interest in the supposed "fun" teenagers are supposed to be having. Just the first paragraph of your rant was like music to my ears. Besides my own friends, I hardly know anyone who is content to watch the world and have fun doing whatever it is they do besides the stereotypical sex and drugs scene. Those suicidal poems (if I read too many of them in a day) make me crazy... How terrible can your life really be when you're 13? Because a lot of those poems are written by people who aren't even old enough to have experienced enough to become "suicidal". Wow, you've got me on a rant of my own now! Anyways, I totally agree with you here :]

[cest la vie]

Jeeezus..So I'm the first to review? Pressure..I think this rant, expungment, whatever you called it is "brilliant". Not a word I use lightly..I just was right there on the train with you. You are witty, cynical, honest, bright and I will def. save this one. Way-to-go, Mr. Owl!! (If this is from a teenager, what will you produce in the years to come? )

Lynne