Lost to oblivion

If you believe in fortune tellers well this might be offensive to you but for sarcastic people out there go ahead

    I walked into a pawnshop, but it was filled with as much hillbilly trash as I predicted. There was an old voice in the corner that sounded like someone who had just been thrown into the future immediately and had turned two hundred.  She kept mumbling, “what do you want to buy.  Please buy something.  Please. Now!” she said.  The lady gave me a weird smile and displayed cringey puppy dog eyes.  I replied with a polite, “nope,” and walked out.  Like any usual Sunday for me, I just kept window shopping.
I live in New Jersey; the side they say is a ghetto.   The best shop I ever saw was sadly that pawn shop. I felt like buying a bag of chips after that crazy lady’s appearance.   I went to the convenience store where every time I looked across the street, I saw that lit hand with an eye in the middle. It was time.   I had to go in now.  I had nothing to do.  I was bored out of my mind and I wanted to see if my predictions were true.  If you didn't get the gist yet, your parents haven't told you enough about fortune tellers.  I took my bag of chips across the street and got closer to read the sign.  Of course,  like the saying, don’t judge a book by its cover is not what I’m trying to teach you here.  What I am trying to teach you is fortune tellers judge your life through the internet.

    The first thing I looked at was the light of the hand and the eye which always gave me the creeps. Then there was those useless pamphlets that you can get customly made practically for a cent each.  The other side of the window was ridiculous.   It listed over twenty signs like, “ no dogs allowed,”  and, “no shirt no shoes no damn service”, and then, the last one said, “no food allowed.”  Darn it, I can’t have my stupid chips.

     I came into the weird place eventually, but I was not sure if my body was confused or if it was doing the right thing or not.  “Blegh!”  There were those cheap dollar tree beads when I came into the door. There was a tall woman at the front counter but she seemed as gullible as a dog is to a bone. The lady stood up and asked, “sir, would you like to take a seat.”  I don’t know why she asked me, but I felt that it was pretty obvious there was no one else there.  I sat there for sadly around ten minutes, but I never had ever waited longer for something so stupid in my life.  Ok that's not true, I’m sort of a geek, so I waited for about 2 hours for the seventh Star Wars movie.  The best seat you can get for an awesome movie is too often a seat that will deliver you a charley horse, cramps, or the feeling of a broken back.  

“Lucifer Wilde,” she finally said.   Yeah, I know the name means devil, but for me ,I’m more sarcastic and a know it all.  “Blegh.”  Another batch of dollar tree beads!”  I said quietly.  Some weird vibe music started and the average crystal ball from amazon started glowing. This lady was wearing some type of headdress that had part of those useless third rubber eyes that are supposed to go on top of your head. She took out her tarot cards and placed them on the table. “Oooh, I can see your future.” the lady repeated.   I just looked around without moving my head and then there was a name tag on her purple dress that had a name tag from Walmart if I had to guess.  Her name was hard to read, though it looked like a blind person wrote it.  I didn’t have to truly read it out, though since she already said it, “I am the Madam Willow.”  Yeah, that sort of just made sense.  By then, I didn’t even know what she was doing anymore.  She brought her hands in front of mine.

    She opened her hands and my chair went forward.  She saw through my past and present and created a new future for me.  I was now oblivious to everything happening as she finished doing her magic awesome stuff and then I went home.  I was so bored, but yet, I felt the whole world was doing great.  I turned on the TV and then a commercial came on and it said, “It’s a pillow!  It's a pet!  It's a pillow pet!””  Oh my god,  I have to get  the penguin right now.

    I didn’t understand this feeling but I knew I had to have one of those things. I rewinded the commercial with my remote about seven times to finally stop where the phone number was and called to get my Plushie.  The commercial said that if I called and ordered, I could get a mini Pillow Pet and would not waste a good bargain.  I couldn’t believe such a good deal was possible, but then again, that means Black Friday will be even better.  A receptionist answered with a polite “Hello my name is Angela, how may I help you?” . I didn’t exactly know what to say, so I replied with, “I want the freaking cute pillow penguin with its baby and can I get that in two days?”  The lady seemed like this wasn’t her first rodeo and just said, “The pillow pet does take two days to arrive and I can give you the deal for $19.99.”  I shrugged and slouched back on my pillow and saw some more commercials and before I knew it,  I would have a pillow pet in two days, Christmas lights, a hose sprinkler, and an egg cracker.   I don’t even like eggs.

    The next two days I went to work,  but every time I read an email for workout programs I had the urge to join a course.   I didn’t go, but I had every intention of going.  Those commercials always make me feel fat but I didn’t feel like I had to do something about it until now.   I really didn’t feel like I knew what was going on, but I didn’t feel like checking it out.

    Two days were spent and the awesome stuff had arrived in the mail, but I knew it was going to last forever.  The items I purchased all said warranty for 2 months on the label, so I assumed that meant it was great quality.  Only dollar tree items last about a week or so this had to be as good or better. . At the time, it was September but everyone puts up their decorations for Halloween.   I thought why not put up Christmas lights already.  Everyone kept asking, “Sir, why do you have your lights up?”  I really couldn’t answer that questions as I didn’t really know.  It just looked good.   You really have to make the most out of these great items, however, when I went to go plug in the power, the items didn’t turn on.  That didn’t explain why the house lights were working.   The hose may have been clogged because no water came out of the hose end.   My house was having the problems and not my new items because I was sure they worked well.  

     “Uhhhh!” I murmured and thought I have nothing better to do.  My fortune telling place was really productive last time so I think I might got there again,  but I have to check for any coupons online.  I checked my phone but there was no yelp reviews or 20% off sales going on.  They don’t have merchandise,  so I would save on the experience.  There were no awesome sales, so I shrugged and just went, “eh.”   It took a while to get there since I made the effort to buy a Starbucks everyday on my way to the fortune teller place.   I know as a thirty year old it seems weird to go to Starbucks everyday, but hey when have lots of money and save like a hundred dollars in your bank account, you feel like you can rule the world.  I took my new scooter to Starbucks and while there It brought sparks every time you pushed the back end down,
I thought it was magic. It took a while to ride there, but but it was totally worth it because I got a free pamphlet in the pockets on the windows.   The little beads your given after you open the door were just as magical as I remember.  It was a very short wait for such an awesome experience,and then again, the lady called me and said, “Lucifer Wilde.”  The tarot cards looked so cool.  She took my palms out again and brought my chair closer. With the snap of her fingers, I saw everything again as if I was in a world that never ended, but than it did.

    I pulled my hands away and truly stared at her this time.   She seemed unreal and I thought she was cast with demon eyes, and pure of confusion.  I couldn’t stay there any longer so I said thank you for the session, rose from my chair and said, “I hope to see you again.    As I left, the only question that was really on my mind was, “ why I had returned here again.”    I never realized it, but a whole world had passed where there was infinite money that was never mine. The world had tricked my brain into feeling so oblvious to the most obvious known illusions in the world.     I would never be tricked like that again, but I rationalized to be realistic, that I never knew what happened in the past week.   Knowing that I had useless junk and Christmas lights already hung up.  The best reason to think that this happened to me is because in my backyard there was a useless scooter that had what I thought to be spark creators.   I was so confused because when I looked into my wallet,  everything that was supposed to be there was there.   If this was a life lesson to you, I don’t exactly know how or why, but if you did just remember, don’t pursue useless objects and don’t be lost to oblivion.     

Author's Note

Well I'm a newbie at this so first time on a normal short story so I would like critiques not insults.