Amputated

The Flaw lies in Reality
     And the guilt
             They try to place on me
When hurt and pain
     Is so intense
I am breathing my own blood
     Gasping - At nothing
Asphyxiation
      Why should I feel bad
From those who masquerade
      As Professional Helpers
My pain is so severe
      For Death I have no fear
So They push me to the edge
Urging me - Shoving me
      Wanting me to try
                        To die
Crisis lines?
      Hideous joke
How can a stranger
    As cold as the waiting grave
            Their ice voices
                           Cannot save
              There is no comfort
Over the phone line
                Faceless - Anonymous
What comfort is the unknown?
     I need a person
             Someone safe
     Compassion - Caring
              Someone I know
Anything else is a lie
Razor in the vein
Overdose on pills
Gun - Bullet - Lead in the brain
                                The heart
Carbon monoxide
                       To the other side
Too intoxicated
                        To call 911
To rescue myself
                         That which -
              Should not be saved - Me
But why would I?
Hope exists somewhere else
In a Foreign Land
On a Foreign Shore
I try not to get there
                               Anymore
No jail cell
             In a mental hospital
No psyche ward
Where they say
                    "Time out"
A hypothetical "safe place"
Just a break
                        For those dealing with me
      "The Problem"
When the problem
                    Is never solved
Just goes on and on
           Years - Horrible years
    The same nightmare
                         Different Day
Blood in my eyes
Blood in my mouth
                     I am too tired
                                   I wish not to play
Death is COMFORT
Death is my LOVER
Death is PEACE
                   Human beings
Are just a cruel dream
            It is Reality
That is the problem
                  The lies it portrays
          The lies it gives
Why should I want to live?
                    When there is no solution
I was born
                     Amputated
            I am Dismembered
I am not a Citizen
            Of the Human Race
I was born out of place
             I am just
                         Hellishly desperate
             To be where I belong
             To be with those with whom I belong
So I live to try
I will not cry
      The mutilated have no moisture
                                  Inside
       For useless tears
                    Stained by my Dark Nightmare Fears
I Worship my Savior
                              Suicide
Her Alter is red with my despair
With Her I am in Desperate Love
I hear Her Passionate call
     With a lustful physical desire
                 I surrender
And into Her erotic ecstatic embrace
I willingly fall
                        AMPUTATED




       

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Aurora. You create a masterpiece of pain and emotion to understand. I felt fear, dislike and need in the poem. There was no desperation in the poem. Just strong and honest words in the poem.
"Human beings
Are just a cruel dream"
This is a amazing poem. Thank you.
Coyote

[Black Cat Fever]

The dark journey of the soul of someone who feels cut off from everyone and everything. What is there left to live for? Death comes to be the sought after prize, not life. Life equals pain, death equals comfort and peace. Impressive writing. I was really pulled into the painful journey documented here.

[Wolfwind]

Wow! I've never seen this theme painted in such a dynamic and deep way. This really takes the reader along the course of inner thoughts that one who feels death is the only option. The phrasing and imagery makes for each line to pull the reader onto the next, wanting to know where the idea will flow. I think that the term Amputated is a great word to use in how the inner soul must feel as people look outward into a world that doesn't seem to understand.

Great Ink!
Aaron

[Wolf's Dark Song]

Wow, an impressive write! Your words took me on a dark and painful journey too many people end up going on. This is really really good!

[Star Wolf]

A very gripping, tragic poem, full of very human but very dark and tragic emotions. This is awesome writing. I'm impressed.