My First Love

This is the story of my first love. And how i should have done something sooner.

His name was Bryan. We met in fourth grade . We became friends and shortly after I started liking him. But, I didn't tell him. I had liked other people before, but I guess i was so scared of getting hurt that I pushed it away. And so the year went on, my feelings grew stronger and stronger. But I still never told him. 

Then the last day of school came. I was already a sobbing mess. We just finished saying our goodbyes to everyone and were waiting for the buses to be called. And while we were packing up, he hugged me. I'd never been hugged by anyone, boy or girl. I was filled with so many emotions that I just stood there like an idiot. And I let him walk away.

Three months later, it's my 5th grade year. We weren't in the same classes, but I still saw him. He looked even more  handsome. Over the summer I thought about a lot of things. Mostly him. I thought that I should move on from someone, that would never like me. But being me, I didn't.

So I let myself fall in love. I fell in love with someone so...amazing. Little did I know, that everything would come crashing down. Ever time I saw him, my chest tightened. I cried myself to sleep just thinking about him. I forced myself to like other people, even though I knew I was lying to myself. 

So one day, I made the decision to tell Bryan that I liked him. I planned everything out, but it didn't go as I planned. I wrote this long letter explaining how i felt. But I lost it, so instead i asked one of my friends to give him a piece of paper that had 'i like you' written on it. She gave it to him and we were called in from recess. On the way back his class was right beside ours and he was on the side of me. I couldn't look at him, I was to embarrassed. 

As we were going in he caught me and tossed the note back to me. It said 'I do'. At first I was happy because he liked me. But the more I thought about it, I started thinking what if he meant 'don't'. I cried that night. But I believed that he liked me, only for a few months. 

But then one day, he told me he was moving. My world crashed when I heard that. I didn't say anything, I just kept walking. And a few weeks later, he left. 

And the year went on. I kept forcing myself to believe that I liked this other guy and lies kept happening. I turned into someone that was not me. I ruined my myself and the people around me. I became this mean, sarcastic, bully.  But I was bullying myself.

 I am now in my 7th grade year. I'm  doing better. There are days that i still think about him, but that's less frequently. I'm not happy, but i'm getting there. The first guy I ever liked is back. And when i saw him, I got angry. I don't know why. I don't know why i'm like this at all. I'm hoping that Bryan will come back. Even if he doesn't like me, I just want to see him.

So that's the story of my first love. A painful memory for me and maybe it was a good thing it didn't work out.