The Office Bore

Sometimes things just aren't what they seem.

I've made a terrible mistake. I'm only speaking to him because he's alone and now, because of my good deed, I'm trapped in a corner of the office party with the office bore.
He's wearing a pained expression as he tells me his name is Robert Barker. And tells me he already knows who I am. I wonder how as we've never been introduced. I've already decided this is the first and last time we speak.
Oh what have I done?!

Everyone around us are all drinking, laughing and having a good time while I'm stuck here with boring Bob. To make matters worse, he doesn't even have any distinguishing features about him to distract me from the low drone coming from his thin lips. I smile and try to look interested but all I want to do is shut my eyes and wish him away. I'm terrified in case he sees me stifle a yawn.

I think I caught the words "paper clips" but have I actually fallen asleep on the spot?
I realise I'm not in blissful sleep but in a living nightmare as he continues.
"The blue paperclips after my favourite colour," he says, sniffing and hoisting his specs up with his middle finger.
I hear a sudden roar of laughter from a group on the other side of the room. Oh how I long to be with them...

Bob has stopped talking, resulting in an agonising awkward silence between us while he picks his teeth with his little fingernail. Maybe now would be a good time to suggest we mingle, but just as I open my mouth to speak, he launches into another speech about paperclips.
"Umm...so...yeah... Sometimes I put red paperclips with blue ones, ya know, just to mix things up a bit but generally I like red with red and blue with blue..."
"Fascinating," I manage to say.

Julie Simmons, one of the girls from accounts is looking over at us. I've spoken to her a few times. She's wearing a lovely floral, mid-length dress. When I eventually get the chance I'll ask her where she bought it.
She must have noticed who I'm with because she's turned on her heels and is now walking away. I don't blame her.

Somehow, this one-sided conversation has turned to toilet cleaners and which is the best brand for getting rid of unsightly strains.
"I buy my toilet cleaner from the 99 pence shop and not the pound shop. It's a penny cheaper from the 99 pence shop, you see. Got to save the pennies, eh?" He snorts with laughter and then sniffs. "So...yeah..."

That's it! I've had enough! I can't take it any longer. I smile politely at him and say that all this talk about toilet cleaners has left me wanting to spend a penny.
And then I'm free! I'm actually free! Clever me!

When I return, I see that Bob had latched himself on to Julie Simmons and I can't help feeling releaved and wanting to laugh. I can't imagine what he's talking to her about.
As I pass them, I can't help but discreetly listen in on their conversation. Poor Julie...

This is their conversation, word for word:

Julie: "I only left you alone for a moment. I spotted the two of you talking. How on earth did you manage to shake her off?!"
Bob: It was hard! But I ended up talking about toilet cleaners!"

(They are both finding this all extremely funny)

Julie: "Well we all warned you about her. She's so boring! But you managed to shake her off. Clever old you! Fancy a drink?"

Bob smiles and throws his arm around Julie's shoulders. Then they both walk straight past me, laughing with each other and not looking in the least bit bored in each others company.

Reviews

[R J Askew]

Arf, arf, I love it. Nice twist. I didn't see it coming. Your style is loose and open and jogs along nicely, no words wasted, no flowery indulgences, just the quickest way to the pay day ending. Great flash. While I was being led unsuspectingly down the path to the twist, I found myself thinking what if the bore turns out to be interesting? But your ending was far better.

[Tina H.W.]

Aw, thank you. Just made a change from writing dark stuff. Glad you enjoyed :)

[R J Askew]

Which is your darkest? I'll read tmr.

[Tina H.W.]

Um..probably between Poster Girl and Satisfaction. And thank you! :)

[Ballpark Frank]

Ok. I think you have serious talent Tina. Most here are pretty average- like me! This was engaging, and basically terrific!

[Tina H.W.]

Thank you Frankie. Your words have moved me. Sometimes I doubt myself, but your words are very encouraging and inspiring. Thank you so much 😊

[Ballpark Frank]

You are very welcome! I'll read more of your stuff. You are quite good.

[barleygirl]

The first part is so realistic, as far as showing us the uncomfortable situations that can be found during office parties. You write convincingly about the office bore, only to provide a twist & let us know the narrator was the bore, not the goofy guy. Well done spoof on realistic aspects of life & gatherings. Your twists are some of the best well-done twists I've read in such a short story. Perfect length for the brief online attention span, yet feeling complete.

[Shannon]

Oh, very clever. How we perceive one another in relation to ourselves. Great illustration.

[Tina H.W.]

Thank you, S.Mi :)

[WanderingDavid]

Clever twist. Funny. One little comment: You say "he doesn't have any distinguishing features". I would recommend you say what he does have instead of what he doesn't have. As a reader, I found it hard to believe there was nothing to describe him.

[Tina H.W.]

Hi WanderingDavid, thank you for your comment. I wrote that Bob doesn't have any distinguishing features to convey just how boring the girl thought he was. Nothing of interest. But I see what you mean. Thank you again :)

[Dave Potter]

Nice ending. I didn't know where it was going, but I knew it was soon because there was only a paragraph left. I was pleasantly surprised. Thanks for your post.

[Tina H.W.]

Hi Dave Potter, thank you for for your kind words to my little story. Means a lot :)

[Inject Positivity]

This is very clever... I like the little details you have added here to let the reader see the setting of the story and I love how accurately you have chosen the title of the story... At first I thought Bob is a man with a boring nature who talks about unnecessary things but then you bring a twist in the tale... Great job mate great job...

Sincerely
Dhiman

[Tina H.W.]

As always, dear Dhiman, thank you for your kind, encouraging words. They really do mean so much. :)