A letter of excuse

This is the letter I read on open mic night when I didn't have any new short stories to read.

 

To whom it may concern,

 

Please excuse Tina from having a new story to read at open mic night.  Due to circumstances beyond her control she was unable to write anything new this month.  Understand that Tina appreciates the importance of new material at each open mic night.  However, this month was fraught with unusual happenstance. 

 

Last month (right after last open mic night) she was kidnapped by an angry mob of mimes seeking vengeance for her mime bank robbery short story. 

 

She was held in an invisible box for days only given mimed bread and water.  She made a daring escape when she mimed to the guard that she had run out of air in the box.  When the guard opened the door she mimed taking the guard's gun and shot him in the foot.  While he was limping, she ran away. 

 

She reported it to the police, but they only laughed at her.  The mimes are still at large.

 

Days later, she tried to return to writing.  But right as she started typing, she leaned too far back in her chair, causing her to fall in the floor, thereby hitting her head.  When she came to, she wrote her short story.  Unfortunately, due to the head injury, she wrote the entire thing in the Icelandic language (with which she is unfamiliar), so until she can get a translator from Reykjavik, that story is unusable. 

 

When she recovered, she realized that she only had two weeks left to get a story written.  However, she was plagued by having "The Hokey Pokey" stuck in her head for a week.  She heard it all day and dreamed it at night.  She was able to get some writing done; unfortunately, all stories (all unfinished) mostly centered around putting a left foot in or taking the right foot out.  And then there was another abandoned project:  a novel entitled "Shake it All About". 

 

Oh, and last week she didn't write anything because she was just lazy.    

 

Sincerely,

Someone not Tina that can totally verify that this is indeed the truth

 

 

 

Reviews

[Kincaid Kjeedo]

This is super Silly. You sound like A female Lemony Snicket, eneve though it's not much of a story, it's bad things happened to good people. Need a deadline idea? Call me up. I'm full of 'em!

[Shawn Drake]

This is just brilliant. Can I get these kind of things mail-ordered to those who impose MY deadlines?