An untitled conspiracy theory involving clowns...

New infomation has come to light about the assassination of JFK. Here is how it was done, who did it, and what the government doesn't want you to know. (or I just made it up)

It's a little known fact that they were against him from the start. It was a conspiracy that the government kept under wraps for fear of international ridicule. All you conspiracy theorists out there? You know nothing. Sure, you think you do. Think you got it all figured out. And you do…..in a way. But you still know nothing.

 

Matter of fact, there are two conspiracies. The actual assassination, and the cover-up. But only one was done by the government. You wanna know who really killed JFK?

 

It was clowns.

 

Yes, clowns. And it is actually quite a serious matter. Sure, we think of clowns as the lovable pranksters at the circus, at parties. And of course there's always the scary ones in movies. But that's about all. No one actually thinks there's an organized crime ring of clowns.

 

But there is. And they are deadly. JFK found this out the hard way.

 

Upon seeing the final fatal shot to JFK, the government sprung into action. Silencing witnesses…the whole thing. That part is true. The original undoctored films are stored away somewhere next to the Roswell souvenirs and a map pointing the location of Jimmy Hoffa. But you'll never see those films. The Zapruder film was quite doctored. It was originally really clear. Some things had to be fuzzed out. The color had to be blurred. Because NO ONE should ever see the horror that is an execution done by a clown crime ring.

 

The Kennedy/Clown Mafia started having problems around the time Kennedy started sneaking around with Marilyn Monroe. I mean, the clowns really didn't care who Kennedy was f*****g…..that wasn't the issue. The issue was with Kennedy's birthday party. You remember the one. Happy Birthday Mr. President. Oh yeah. It's famous. And it got Kennedy killed.

 

You see, there were supposed to be clowns performing. Kennedy, in an extreme move of stupidity decided to scrub the clowns for Miss Monroe. Bad move. The clowns (when I say that, I mean of course the Clown Mafia) never quite got over that. From then on out, the assassination was planned.

 

And it was a good plan. No one really knew about the clown mafia. Why would they? Plus, no one would even be threatened by one. I mean, the average person thinks of big shoes, squeaky red noses, and rainbow-colored wigs. But think about it. They're clowns. They're above suspicion. People allow them into their homes, around children. They have virtually unlimited access anywhere they go. Plus, with the number of people that can fit in one tiny car, they can have quite a gang of clowns for extra muscle if necessary.

 

The first thing they did was try to secure a few spots on November 22, 1963. That part was easy. Heavy advertising, muscling, whatever. That part was done. They even got a great spot in the Texas School Book Depository. Some guy working there named Lee Harvey Oswald hired them for an office party. Little did he know that that one phone call to "Clowning Around Entertainment" would change his life forever.

 

A few clowns were scattered around Dealey Plaza. Making balloon animals for the kiddies. General entertaining. Again, no one suspected their sinister plan.

 

The head clown was not even dressed as a clown. But you've all seen him on the Zapruder film. Remember the umbrella guy? The one that opened his umbrella right before the shooting started? First of all, that wasn't an umbrella. It was a balloon shaped into an umbrella. (more government retouching to the film). Once that signal was given, the shooting stared. I am just glad that the super 8 cameras were without sound. Because it was horrible. Maniacal laughter, the squeak of running floppy shoes, the honking horns, kazoos. It was absolutely terrifying. None of the children present were ever able to visit the circus. To them, it had become something evil and terrifying.

 

For those adults present, it seemed like an eternal nightmare. There they were--clowns--evil, menacing clowns in all direction. Clowns that these people had just let their kids talk to, visit with. Hell, their kids were still holding balloon animals made by these clowns just a few short hours ago.

 

Shots were fired from all directions. The Book Depository, the bridge. But the fatal one came from the grassy knoll. By the happy faced clown wearing polka dots and carrying a slide whistle. He managed to actually blow on the slide whistle right before the fatal shot. But there was no humor. Only the terror that a slide whistle signaling gunplay can cause.

 

The scent of gunfire and white grease paint make-up permeated the air. It was so obvious. The perfect crime. No one would believe the story. The clowns knew that the government would retouch the film footage. And they'd find a patsy to take the rap. And no one, I mean no one would ever believe any of the witnesses. They all retreated into silence. But they never forgot.

 

One witness manned an unsuccessful campaign to take the Bozo Show off the air. Unbeknownst to her, Bozo had heavy Chicago connections. His status was safe. But no clown would ever work in Dallas again. At least, not for awhile. It had become a no clown town.

 

So anyways, now you know. I only hope that I can get this out to as many as possible. We must know the truth. Maybe someday the government will swallow its pride and finally release the files. They have to.

 

I know what you're thinking. That it's a ridiculous story, and it just doesn't sound believable. But you gotta think about this: Isn't that the reason the clowns did it this way?

Reviews

[Kincaid Kjeedo]

I've never thought about the conspiracy that way. That is quite a good reasoning.

[Shawn Drake]

Holy Hell...It's brilliant. Way to see through all the deception. Loved the allusion to the Marilyn Monroe birthday thing. Amazing.
Keep 'em coming.