A tall tale about sugar

Based on a true story, possibly exaggerated for comedy. (possibly)

 

 

 

Well, it seemed like a normal morning. However, you know by reading this that there can be nothing normal about it (otherwise it would be a very boring story and you would have probably stopped reading to do something more interesting like watching paint dry.) However, Drew did not have the luxury of that knowledge. He just woke up, and decided to look for cd's. Nothing that dangerous really. So how could Drew have known what was to befall him? Could he have known?

 

It is well established that Drew's zodiac sign is Cancer. He reads his horoscope daily. He read it that morning.

 

Horoscope for Cancer: It will be a day filled with sweetness.

 

(Looking back, he didn't know how dead on accurate that short sentence was).

 

Sweetness, he thought. Seemed like a damn good horoscope. He smiled. It was going to be a great day. He was looking for a few cd's. A bunch of them were apparently still in boxes from the move. Said boxes were on the top shelf in the closet.

 

To be fair, it was a tall closet. 50 feet tall if a foot. He had to stand on 9 chairs just to barely reach the shelf in question. It was a dangerous job, but the cd's needed rescuing. He'd heard them call in the night. (in other words he had a few of the songs on those cd's stuck in his head--but rescuing sounds better…and more heroic). So he began stacking chairs. Once he had grouped them by width and height and stacked them appropriately so that he could balance, he began the task at hand……finding those cd's.

 

They were in the very back of the closet. Behind a stockpile of food. There were thieves everywhere. Hungry thieves. And Drew knew this. He knew that he needed a stash of food for when the thieves came. They'd never know to look in this closet. Plus, given it's height it would take a while for any thieves to get to the food……long enough for the thieves to risk discovery. It was a perfect plan. Except for the….well keep reading.

 

Sugar was the most important staple for Drew. He had bags and bags of it in the gargantuan closet. Stacks and stacks of the sweet condiment. It was to be his undoing.

 

As Drew reached far back into the closet for the box of cd's, it happened. The stockpile of sugar started to fall. Bag after bag of sugar started to fall on his head. He tried to cry out in fear, but he just ended up swallowing ½ pound of sugar in the process. He also began to lose his balance. He plunged down 50 feet to the hard ground below.

 

Since it was a long fall, he had time to ponder the situation. What had happened? How did those bags get opened? He'd not opened them. It was then that he saw the menacing look on the cat's face. The cat grinned and looked up at him as he was falling. It was then that he knew. The Fonz (his cat) had done it as payback. But payback for what he never had time to figure out as that was when he hit the ground.

 

He stood up and pointed an accusatory finger at the cat. But as he did, his trusty shoes failed him. The sugar was all over the floor creating a slippery surface. He fell quickly, and as he got back up, he fell again. Numerous times. It was a scene only seen in the greatest of slapstick comedy. However, this was not comedy. This was real life. An evil plot apparently well planned out by a feline that he thought he could trust.

 

As he finally managed to stand, he realized that he was covered in sugar. From head to toe. It was in his hair, his ears. He was sugar coated. Looking like a snowman. A frightening sight. The cat had not planned this part. It was rather unsettling to him. A chase ensued, causing furniture to overturn, glass to break, and the death of many ants who had just discovered what they referred to as "the lost city of sugar."

 

The chase ended as quickly as it had begun, as both had swallowed too much sugar and were starting to crash.

 

 

Based on a true story.

 

Reviews

[Magnolia Belle]

Tina - I loved the 50' high closet. And stacking nine chairs to reach the top? Too funny.

Cats are bad enough without having a sugar rush. Just a fuzzy blur whizzing past the living room door.

Question, you wrote that "Unopened bag after unopened bag of sugar started to fall on his head." Yet, in the next paragraph, he ponders on who opened the sacks. Just wondering?