Happily Never After

This story is based on true events and it chronicles the disintegration of a friendship. Enjoy.

There's been so much going on in my life right now. I just celebrated my 21st birthday and I'm happily self-employed doing something I love: providing child care to my niece while my sister works.

Along the way I wrongly assumed I had the support of someone I've known practically my whole life. She and I were friends for 12 years, but things started happening in both our lives and it was only in September of 2008 that we were able to start hanging out again.

I found that she was a completely different person. She neglected her responsibilities as a mother, daughter, and a wife. She wanted to hang out like she was me: single and child-free. That was fine for a little while, but by October 2008 I started to really wonder, "what the f**k is going on?"

Maybe it was then that I should've put my thinking cap on and said something, but in my mind I was thinking that she'd fix herself. Boy was I wrong. Really, really wrong!

In November 2008 a very unfortunate event happened. I won't go into details about it, but I will say it led her to be hospitalized in a mental ward. In the hospital she met a guy. In my head I'm thinking that she should focus more on her kids and getting her marital life straightened out before jumping into a new relationship, but I never said anything.

At the end of December 2008 she started to change yet again. Apparently she liked this guy. She liked this guy to the tune of $4,000.00 of her SSI money that she spent entirely on him and not one penny on her 3 kids. He was enrolled in a Christian program that required him to stay off the streets and get help for his substance abuse problem. He left that program the day she received that check because suddenly he was 'all better.' She rented out hotel rooms, bought drugs, bought him shoes, clothes, and food. She let him drive her car and she'd put gas in it.

During that time she started talking about them moving in together.

Then in January 2009 another unfortunate event occured. This guy who she had invested so much of her time in stole $300.00 out of the cash aid she receives from the government for her kids. She had, by this time, given him all the PIN numbers for her bank accounts. They finally ran out of money so she took her ATM card and deposited an empty deposit slip into her account so they could continue driving her car around and living out of motels.

All the while her parents are taking care of her 3 kids. They were getting her son ready for school and making sure he gets on the bus. They were also watching her daughters all day long.

In February 2009 she tried to put her foot down and refused to give this man anymore money. He beat her up. She went to the hospital and they told her she had a hole in her ear. She lied and told the nurse looking after her that she fell off of a bike.

That same night she went right back to him and her parents got involved. They took away her benefits card and the bank shut down her account because she was negative $400.00.

She decided to hospitalize herself again this time, but in my opinion it was too late. She was anxious to get out because this guy promised to get help. For about the next week or two things calmed down.

Then he beat her up again, but this time she was completely black and blue afterwards. He had beaten up again so badly that she passed out.

Three days later the guy decided to go back to the Christian program. This all happened in the month of February. She complained about looking hideous, but the day after this guy went back in the program he came out and she was again chasing after him.

Her kids were neglected until the guy got busy doing whatever illegal activity he was involved in. She would then spend time with her her daughters. They kept asking her what was wrong with her face. She had finally enrolled them both in school after much pestering from her tired mother. I know the teachers saw my ex-friend's face and wondered what was going on at home. Her parents were devastated, but she was constantly reassuring them that what had happened was a pure accident.

In March 2009 this guy moved out of the city. She decided that she couldn't live without him and began driving out of town to see him. Again her kids were left with her parents.

One sunday evening while coming back to the city she totaled her car. I know she told her parents it was an accident, but I know the truth. This girl was silly enough to be text messaging while driving and it was raining pretty hard that day. 

After that she began purchasing Greyhound bus tickets to go see this man. Again neglecting her kids and taking money out of their mouths.

By the middle of March her bruises healed, but by now she was being very secretive and we would go days without talking. Seemingly out of nowhere she invited me to spend the weekend with her.

Things went fine. She was acting more attentive with her kids and I thought she was headed in the right direction, but by that following Thursday (March 26, 2009 to be exact) it all went downhill.

That week she announced that she was moving out of her parents place and into an apartment. She explained to me that she was paying for everything and her kids and dogs were moving with her. I was very excited for her. I thought finally doing something positive, but there was a nagging question in my mind that I had to ask. I fought to avoid prying, but to no avail. I had to know and sadly I did. The truth was that this man was moving back to the city and into the apartment that she was paying for with her SSI and government assistance.

This explained why she had been acting so elated. I found out that this man had once again apologized to her and promised to never beat her up again.

Not only had he stolen money from her, but around the time she first got involved with him and took him to her house her digital camera her mom bought her for Christmas 2008 went missing. You can draw that conclusion on your own.

I'm not pointing fingers, but during the final weekend we spent together she bought a new camera and now that I look back at it in her own way she was trying to right all the wrongs this man had done so that people in her life won't see him as a bad person.

For the first time ever blew completely up on her. I let her know what I really thought of her foolish behavior. I told her how irresponsible and stupid she was being. I told her that once a man hits you he won't stop. She wasn't hearing it and told me that I'm immature because I don't have kids and I haven't been married and gone through any of the things that she's gone (or going) through so I don't understand.

This man had also convinced her that she's sinning against God last we spoke she trying to get a divorce from her husband.

I decided to get out of the madness and we haven't talked since. I want to start over fresh and new and do something with myself and I feel like I can't accomplish that if I'm still associating with her. She does drugs, she drinks and drives, she neglects her kids, and she just makes bad decisions.

Just to add during all this she ended another friendship (this one was 14 years long) over this guy. I'm just trying to show you her way of thinking. She ends two long friendships over a guy she hasn't even known for a full 6 months. That's nuts. That's crazy. That's what happened.

I have no idea what it feels like to have your marriage fail and be left with kids to raise, but I really have no sympathy for her. Time and time again she's shown the world that when it comes to family, friends, and men she'll always choose a man over everything and everyone else.

Thanks for reading. It feels like I wrote a novel, but I assure you all the things I've written actually did happen. The sad thing is she didn't have the guts to tell me she had spent that entire $4,000.00 check on this man. Her mother had to spill the beans to me. Isn't that sad?

I hope from this point on I can make better choices when it comes to friends. Not everyone is worth befriending.

Reviews

[Tina Kline]

What a very sad story! Even sadder that you had to go through this and so tragic you lost a long time friend. But I agree with your choice. It sounds like it was for the best you move on and take care of yourself.

You wrote this very well.