Ch. 26: Can't Undo The Past

Myra's mother breaks down and apologizes and the interview with the social worker continues.....

"It's ok," I said looking at mom with sincere eyes.

 

"It's not. Look. We've been on the news every night. Our lives have been exploited and for what? Me paying attention to my selfish needs instead of my children," mom said as she bit her nails which she always did when she was nervous.

 

"It's ok," I repeated hoping that the tears wouldn't start flowing.

 

"I didn't even know my own daughter was having sex right under my roof. This whole thing is humiliating and a young man's life has been totally obliterated because I didn't pay attention to the signs," mom was crying.

 

"There were no signs," I said to mom hoping to calm her down a bit.

 

"Yes there were. Your change in personality. Your propensity for trouble. Your appearance. You're not the same person you were six months ago and I just went with the flow. I didn't step in and stop any of it" Mom said as she blotted her face with a tissue from a box on the coffee table.

 

I looked toward the TV and we sat in silence. I couldn't stomach all of this sadness and hate any longer.

 

"Is it alright if my friend David come over tomorrow night?" I asked to change the mood in the room.

 

"Who's that?" Mom asked turning to me with her eyes bulging.

 

"He's a guy I met at the mall last weekend," I said knowing that it was a lie.

 

"So during all this hell you've been putting us through you've still been talking to boys like everything ok? Like everything is normal!" Mom screamed at me as her sadness turned to anger.

 

"He's not a boy, he's older and more mature. Plus he's just a friend," I said trying shine a good light on David.

 

"Older? How old?" Mom asked setting her gaze upon me.

 

"He's nineteen," I said non-chalantly like it was no big deal.

 

"That's illegal! I won't have it. I can't have it. People are watching," Mom said in a very hoarse whisper as she stared at the television.

 

"Nothing has happened between us and I don't think it will. He says I'm too young for him," I said lying once again in hopes that David would be able to come over.

 

"He knows your fourteen?" Mom asked looking at me and I could see the suspicion in her eyes.

 

"Not exactly, but he said that I'm too young. He just wants to come over and hang out. We can stay right here on the couch where you can watch us," I said offered as I could feel a yes coming on.

 

"Well Arthur has been begging me to let him come over. Since this whole ordeal began he's been keeping updates on everything," Mom relented and I could feel her resistance easing up.

 

"So what does he deserve a cookie or something?" I asked rolling my eyes and sucking my teeth in.

 

"He deserves something," Mom said trailing off and I knew that she'd let David come over if that meant Arthur was going to come too.

 

Buster jumped off of mom's lap just as the front door opened and shut. He was there to greet Kevin as he walked in.

 

"Hey," Kevin said as he walked in and closed the door.

 

"Kevin, please come sit with us." Mom said as she turned around and beamed at Kevin, her pride and joy.

 

"I can't practice was really hard today. Since Langston was cut from the team coach has us picking up the slack. You never really know how important one person is until they're gone," Kevin said and I could feel him cutting his eyes in my direction.

 

"That is so true," Mom agreed as she nodded her head in agreement.

 

"I just wish this whole thing was over and that they'd drop all the charges so he could come back," Kevin said and I could see from the look on his face that his comment was directed at me.

 

"What in the hell are you looking at me for?" I asked him and I turned my body to face the door.

 

"You started this!" Kevin screamed and his voice resonated off the walls.

 

"Oh yea? Well where were you when Langston broke into the bathroom and attacked me?" I asked in an angry tone that I was sure would make Kevin even madder.

 

"From what I heard," Kevin said in a low cold voice, "you attacked him."

 

"Heard from who?" Mom asked jumping in and I could tell she was trying to stop this argument.

 

"No one, never mind, forget it," Kevin said as he went up the stairs and into his bedroom.

 

Buster came back to the couch and sat right down in mom's lap. This dog knew some tricks.

 

"Those disgusting things Kevin's pig headed friends say, oh I swear! They don't know what happened. They don't know what any of this feels like. All they can do is point their fingers at me and speculate and blame and-" I was starting on a tirade, but mom interrupted me.

 

"ENOUGH! I've had it up to hear with all of your whining. It's always about you! You, you, you, you! Don't you understand how you're actions played a HUGE role in this whole saga? Don't you understand how not coming to me and then going off with another boy the following night makes you look?" Mom asked me at the end of her tirade with her eyes going wild.

 

"It makes me look exactly like you!" I screamed in her face and she jumped back.

 

Before I knew what happened mom slapped me across my face. As soon as she realized what she had done her face turned crimson.

 

"Oh my God, I'm sorry!" Mom screamed, but it was too late.

 

I was up and off the couch headed back up to my room. Once inside I locked my door and went to my music system. I cranked the volume up to the loudest that it would could and just began bawling on the floor.

 

I don't know how long I was there, but when I woke up the sky was dark. The music player had stopped and all was quiet. I got up off the floor and tiredly walked to my closet and undressed for bed. When I was done I crawled into bed, but found that I was no longer that sleepy.

 

I tossed for fifteen minutes until I finally looked at my cell phone. I had no missed phone calls, texts, or voice mails. Everything had gone silent once I gave my list of numbers to Mr. Litfield. I scrolled through my directory and pulled up Greg's phone number and sent him a text. I got an immediate response:

 

"I'm doing fine just really bored and missing you," Greg typed.

 

"Same here since the protesters have gone home for the night," I typed.

 

"That must be crazy," Greg typed back.

 

"It is and I'm so mad right now. My mom won't let my friend David come over tomorrow," I typed.

 

"Who's David?" Greg asked.

 

"My friend," I typed.

 

"Oh..." Greg typed.

 

"Don't worry you're still my friend too, Greggy," I replied.

 

"I thought we were more than friends..." Greg replied.

 

"Why would you think that?" I typed and hit send.

 

Suddenly my phone was ringing and it was Greg. I answered.

 

"Hey," I said cheerfully and happy to be talking to someone.

 

"H,i" Greg said sounding a bit sad.

 

"What's wrong?" I asked wondering if his parents had inflicted some sort of new punishment for the events that had unfolded.

 

"Is David your boyfriend? You can just tell me I won't get mad," Greg said in the same sad voice.

 

"No he's nothing close to that," I answered as I realized this was what Greg was upset about.

 

"Then why are you mad because he can't come over?" Greg asked me with a hint of doubt in his tone.

 

"I wanted to see him again and my mom has never had a problem with guys coming over until all this s**t started," I said hoping that this explanation was enough to cure his curiosity.

 

"Well maybe she has a good reason," Greg said to me and I could hear jubilance in his voice.

 

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," I said as Greg's new tonality irked me to no end.

 

"Well then let's talk about you and I," Greg suggested with his joy over my misery increased.

 

"What about you and I?" I asked as my irritation built up.

 

"Was I just a one night stand?" Greg asked solemnly.

 

"I don't know, if you want to be then yes," I said taking pleasure in his grovelling.

 

"I don't want to be something that meaningless to you," Greg said and his attitude reduced back down to sadness.

 

"You aren't meaningless. You're my best guy friend," I said and now I was the jubilant one.

 

"Yea I know, but we had sex," Greg said said whispering the sex part.

 

"No duh I was there," I told him growing annoyed.

 

"Did it mean anything to you?" Greg asked so quietly I could barely hear him.

 

"Look, I'm getting tired of talking about sex. My whole life has been ruined by it so why not just change the subject or I'm hanging up," I said faking indignity.

 

"Ok, so what did you do today?" Greg asked as he came back up from his temporary fall.

 

"Got interviewed by a social worker, blamed for the dismantling of a football team, and slapped in the face by my mother. What did you do today?" I told Greg and I knew he'd be upset over the mother part.

 

"Your mom slapped you?" Greg asked surprised and taking the bait.

 

"I didn't stutter," I replied to him and laughing a little on the inside.

 

"What happened?" Greg asked and I could tell he really wanted to know.

 

"Nothing," I answered trying to bait him.

 

"Man, I wish I was there. I'd let you sleep over at my house," Greg said and I knew he really meant that.

 

"That's nice," was all I responded with.

 

"Well today I met a girl," Greg said and I knew he didn't realize he was dropping a bombshell on me.

 

"You did?" I asked with my ears perking up.

 

"Yes, her name is Cadence and she sixteen. She's also visiting her Grandparents and we hit it off," Greg said and I could tell he was genuinely happy.

 

"That's good. You two go on a date?" I asked with a hint of sarcasm in my voice.

 

"I'm taking her to the pier tomorrow night," Greg said and that hurt me for some odd reason.

 

"Oh," I said starting to believe that Cadence might just be real.

 

"She has strawberry blond hair and freckles everywhere. She's shorter than me, but boy is she pretty and nice," Greg said and now I was jealous.

 

"Ugh, freckles," I said even though I really had no issue with freckles.

 

"I think they're cute," Greg said getting annoyed.

 

"I don't," I replied in a disgusted inflection.

 

"She wants to go back home with me at the end of the month," Greg said and it was like he was floating on a cloud.

 

"For what?" I asked with my envy growing by the second.

 

"To meet my parents," Greg said as if that were an everyday occurrence.

 

"And you two just met today?" I asked in total shock.

 

"Actually no, I got here last Saturday morning and I met her in the afternoon at the pool," Greg explained to me and it felt like every word he said was a dagger through my ear.

 

"So what you two having sex now?" I asked fuming mad over his new found love.

 

"No, she's nothing like that, Cadence is a virgin" Greg said joyously.

 

"Oh and I bet that just makes her perfect, right?" I asked and I knew I had to stop insulting a girl I'd never met.

 

"Well it's nice to meet a girl who respects her body," Greg said frankly.

 

"What do you mean?" I asked as I felt very insulted.

 

"Nothing it's just nice that she's a virgin," Greg said quickly.

 

"Yea whatever," I said and I knew I was done talking to him.

 

"Look I got to go. It's already after three and your text woke me up. I have an early morning with my Grandpa and then the rest of the day I'll be with Cadence. I'll text you tonight," Greg said and he hung up.

 

It was the first time Greg had ever hung the phone up on me. All of a sudden I was bothering him? Ugh.

 

I put my phone down and shut off my light. Before I could really think about anything I was asleep.

 

"So where did you and Gregory go?" the social worker asked me as she was yet again hnuched over her notebook.

 

We were back in my bedroom for round two. Outside the day was unseasonably gloomy so the air conditioner in the house was off. I had my window opened to let the breeze come through, but I found the sight of the outside calmed me as I answered these difficult questions.

 

"All the way to the next town over," I said to her as I looked at the clock on my nightstand.

 

"Did he say anything about what had just happened?" she asked me still not looking up from her writing.

 

"Yes he told me I had committed assault," I said rocking my chair back and forth with boredom.

 

"Did he try to get you to the nearest police station?" she asked as she lifted new papers out of her briefcase.

 

"No he wanted to get me as far away from trouble as possible," I said while I played with my hair.

 

"Why is that?" she asked.

 

"Well Greg is in love with me and he'd pretty much do anything to protect me" I explained.

 

"By love you mean?" she asked finally looking up at me.

 

"The love a man and a woman have for each other when they get married," I recited trying to remember Greg's words.

 

"Oh," she said frowning and she scribbled something down rather quickly.

 

"Are we almost done?" I asked looking at my clock once again in frustration.

 

"Not really, but we can take a break," she said looking at me with suspicion in her eyes.

 

"That's ok," I sighed and readjusted myself in my chair.

 

"You have somewhere to be?" she finally asked me as she put down her pen.

 

"No I'm waiting for a phone call," I confessed hoping that all this questioning would finally stop.

 

"From who?" she asked as she scrunched up her nose with distrust.

 

"What's the next question?" I asked rudely trying to move this along so it could all be over and done with.

 

"Ok so when Greg brought you back to the city did you know that Daisy Spins and Kimmi Lautner had been hospitalized?" she asked me as she went back to scribbling in her notebook.

 

"No," I answered truthfully as I stared out my window.

 

"No one called or sent you messages about them?" she questioned me as if I was lying.

 

"I received several harassing text messages and voice mails, but I never answered the phone or read the messages until I was released from juvenile hall," I told her as I swung my feet back and forth in a vain attempt to annoy her.

 

"Who were they from?" she asked ignoring my feet which I knew had to be distracting since she was facing the floor as she wrote.

 

"I can't talk about that because my lawyer is handling it right now," I said hoping that next question would be the last question.

 

"Ok. So has there been any contact between you and Mr. Santos since the night you two went on a date?" she asked while she once again shifted through papers and looked over at the tape recorder.

 

"No," I answered her trying to keep all those hurt feelings I had over Rick bottled up.

 

"None at all? No phone calls or visits?" she asked me and if felt like she didn't think that was possible.

 

"Well, Mike got wind of the videos and pictures so he went over there to handle it, but nothing happened," I said quickly hoping she wouldn't ask too many questions about that.

 

"Mike is?" she asked looking at me again and this time with a puzzled look.

 

"My brother," I answered wondering how in the world she didn't know that.

 

"Oh and how did he handle it?" she asked as she leaned in closer like we were two gossiping friends.

 

"He wanted to bash his skull in, but Ricky's father wouldn't let him," I explained as I tapped my fingers against my desk with boredom.

 

"Please don't do that you'll mess with the recording," she said, but moved quickly onto her next question, "so there was a confrontation?"

 

"Not really. Mike is a very docile person," I answered with a smile remembering how willing my brother had been to fight for me no matter what.

 

"Very good. We're going to move on to a more personal subject. I'm only asking these questions because I am a worker for the state and the more information I gather on your case the better I can help you after these charges are dealt with" the social worker explained.

 

"After?" I asked sitting upright because this was new information to me.

 

"Yes, Myra, when violent crimes are committed the state likes to see repeat offenders rehabilitated. I can't help you much at the moment because I don't know if you'll be serving jail time, but once everything is completed it is my duty to shadow you until I see an improvement in your behavior," she went on to explain further even though she was still jotting things down.

 

"I'm not a bad kid," I answered in a whiny voice that I regretted because all this was being recorded.

 

"No you're not, but you are angry and hostile and those two things are the reason we're here today," she said pointedly like I didn't know that already.

 

"So what's your name?" I asked trying to divert this conversation away from the subject at hand.

 

"My name is Nicole Bernstein, but please call me Nicole," she said with a smile on her.

 

"Nicole, please tell me how you would like it if everyone around you constantly let you know how much of a burden you were. How would you like it if everyday you woke up and hated what you saw in mirror because who you are is very different from everyone around you. My siblings can pass for white, but not me and I am treated as such so sorry for being just a little angry," I said in my futile attempt to take a stand.

 

"Life is tough," Nicole responded unphased by my little speech.

 

"I know," I countered, but at this point what I thought meant little to nothing.

 

"So now to the questions: Have you ever been tested for STDs or HIV?" Nicole asked without writing anything down.

 

"No," I answered suddenly feeling panic grow in the back of my throat.

 

"Have you ever been given a pregnancy test?" Nicole asked and now I could see she was reading something off.

 

"No," I answered as I felt my cheeks growing hot with a feeling I couldn't quite identify.

 

"Have you ever had a menstrual cycle?" Nicole was checked things off on a piece of paper in front of her.

 

"Yes," I answered not liking where this was going.

 

"Do you feel like you might be pregnant right now?" Nicole asked me as she continued to read monotounously off her list.

 

"No," I answered and now I was as still as a church mouse.

 

"Have you ever done drugs or taken prescription pills that weren't described to you?" Nicole continued.

 

"I smoke weed," I answered truthfully out of nervousness.

 

"Do you smoke cigarettes?" she asked while the wind outside picked up.

 

"Yes," I said relaxing a bit because everyone who went to my school smoked.

 

"Do you abuse alcohol?" was the next question Nicole threw at me, but I remained unmoved by it.

 

"Not really. I might have a drink here or there," I answered casually.

 

"Do you ever operate motor vehicles while under the influence?" Nicole asked.

 

"No, I can't drive," I said.

 

"Do ever feel like you are a danger to yourself or others?" Nicole asked.

 

"Not all the time," I said.

 

"Have you ever had suicidal thoughts?" she asked.

 

"No," I said.

 

"Do you like to burn things?" she asked.

 

"No," I said getting tired.

 

"Alright that was the last question," Nicole told me and snapped off the recorder.

 

I hopped up in relief.

 

"Thanks for stopping by," I said going to my door.

 

"Not so fast. Myra I'm going to strongly advise your mother to have you tested since you're sexually active," Nicole said.

 

"Will do," I told.

 

"This is serious," Nicole said.

 

"Yea I know, but I'm too young for all of that," I told her.

 

"No not really. I've seen nine year old with STDs," Nicole said.

 

"That's disgusting," I said feeling sick.

 

"That's life. Please take care of yourself and if you have sex make sure you use protection," Nicole told me as she packed up her briefcase and put the tape recorder in her left hand to carry out.

 

"It's not my life," I retorted as she walked out.

 

I gently closed the door behind me and let out a sigh. The day was growing darker and the smell of precipitation grew thicker.

Reviews

[Tina Kline]

This is a really great chapter. Makes me want to go back and read more. There
is a lot going on in it. You're a really excellent writer. You have the skill
and ability to make a person want to know more about what's going on with
your characters.

Tina