Twenty: Helping Hand

The sun was setting outside of my front door. Birds were chirping as the cool of the night approached. It’d been a long time since I’d ventured outside without Liam so all this felt new to me.

“Let’s go to the park I need air!” I told Jimmy and he let go of my arm.

I wasn’t surprised that no one came rushing out of my house to chase after us. They were probably happy I was gone and even more grateful for me leaving Liam behind. I missed Liam already, but I knew he was safer inside than here with me.

The sun was disappearing behind the row houses across the street to my right. I looked down towards the park and saw Greg’s rental car parked quietly in his parents’ driveway. As Jimmy and I approached the Finster house their front door pop open and Greg with Cadence in tow were heading in our direction on foot.

“Isn’t that your baby daddy?” Jimmy asked me in a gruff voice.

“Ignore those two idiots,” I hissed with dismay.

Truth was deep down inside it hurt me to see Greg and Cadence so happy.

Here I was the mother of my very own baby, but one thing I didn’t have was the love a good man like Greg. I knew I’d blown my chance with him by going to live with Langston knowing full well I was pregnant with Greg’s child. And now I walked past this man who was now walking hand in hand with the love of his life.

I thought with the minimal glare of the sun partially blocking my view that I could fake and pretend that I wasn’t seeing Greg and Cadence walking. I suppose that wasn’t meant to be, but the heavy odor of marijuana filled my nostrils.

“You want to smoke some more?” Jimmy asked, “the chronic will make the swings at the park feel like a roller coaster when you hop on.”

I took one look across the street and Greg and Cadence were almost crossing our path. I could see Greg’s face scrunched up and I wondered if he even knew or remembered who Jimmy was. I didn’t immediately respond to Jimmy, but instead I let out a shrill laugh I knew Greg would hear. I took Jimmy’s left hand in mine.

“Hand that to me,” I demanded, “and look really happy.”

“No problem,” Jimmy said and he passed the joint to me which was still fully lit.

I was able to take one long draw and I held it in for ten seconds before exhaling. I felt that familiar rush flow through my body and I laughed some more before inhaling again. By now Greg and Cadence were passing us. On my second inhalation Greg completely stopped walking to stare Jimmy and I down with a very pensive look on his face. Cadence, who at this point was set on walking forward without acknowledging us, was pulled back when she walked ahead of Greg still holding his hand.

“Hey!” I heard Cadence say to Greg as I looked back to see her talking to Greg while trying her hardest to keep her voice down.

Jimmy and I were now upon the park. Funny how just a few months ago this same park was the first place I met the love of Greg’s life swinging on one of the black seated swings like a mesmerized child.

“I hate them both,” I told Jimmy while inhaling for a third time, “they’re both ruining my life because they want me to know how happy they are together.”

“Forget them,” Jimmy said, “you don’t need that white boy or his money. Do you.”

“I can’t do me because my son deserves a dad to teach him how to be a man,” I cried out now and grief struck my body in the oddest way.

“That’s just the marijuana affecting you,” Jimmy explained to me, “take another puff and get onto the swing.”

I did like Jimmy instructed and then climbed onto the same swing Cadence had been on when I showed up to the park very pregnant and ready to start my new life with Langston.

I had to admit the swings made me feel alive. Going so high into the air I almost immediately forgot all the drama of the day with Jimmy by my side. After awhile Jimmy stood up from his swing and walked over to this jungle gym. I followed him moments later.

“What’s wrong?” I asked because Jimmy seemed to be brooding over something deep.

“It’s nothing,” Jimmy stopped himself, “wait, I’d be lying if I said it was nothing. You see Myra I’ve always liked you a lot more than a friend. I see you as someone I could be with.”

“Jimmy,” I started however I was quickly interrupted.

“No, hold on let me finish,” Jimmy said, “you’re correct about your son needing a dad. I’d like to help you raise him. If it’s what you’d want.”

“I don’t know,” I said seriously pondering the possibilities, “a lot is going on right now and I can’t think straight.”

It was true. The marijuana was giving me all types of thoughts in my head. Everything felt rushed and very surreal.

“Greg,” Jimmy said, “is just looking for every way to get out of being a father to your child because he’s too wrapped up with his woman. A baby would spoil the fun they’re having now and I bet you anything she’s pushing him into denying paternity.”

“I know,” I agreed, “once Cadence told me she’s unable to have children I knew she’d try to get Greg away from his responsibilities as a father.”

“Now don’t go blaming it all on the woman,” Jimmy started, “Greg is an adult now who’s making a choice to step out of his role as a father. He’s nothing more than a coward.”

“Wait a minute,” I said backing away from Jimmy, “Greg has been really good with Liam and deep down he knows that’s his son. If there was only some way to get rid of Cadence we’d be a happy family!”

I finally said it out loud. It’s what I’d been hoping for ever since I gave birth to Liam. I had dreams during my last few days of pregnancy that Greg would fly back to California from New York to tell me he divorced his wife so he and I would have a fighting chance together. These dreams still haunted me to this day. How I wished they could somehow come to fruition.

“There’s your problem,” Jimmy scolded me, “you’re not living in reality. Greg is content with his life and his old lady. Not much can get in the way unless he decides to end it or she does. I doubt that will happen anytime soon unless of course…”

“What?” I asked impatiently as Jimmy trailed off.

“Unless you seduce him,” Jimmy finally finished.

“I wouldn’t even know how to do that,” I started, “I mean any guy who’s wanted me has approached me or at least flirted enough for me to make the first move.”

“Anyways, think about what I’ve said,” Jimmy told me as he stood up again, “it’s almost ten o’clock and I promised my mom I’d watch the nightly news report with her. You alright to walk home by yourself?”

It was awfully dark, but I’d walked alone in worse conditions than this.

“I’ll think about it,” I answered Jimmy before walking towards my house.

All seemed calm in the streets tonight. The stars were blazing in the sky and I felt content with Jimmy’s promise still ringing through my mind. I could use the extra help with Liam for sure, but was Jimmy the best option?

There wasn’t much time to ponder all these thoughts before the bush I walked beside at the edge of the park rustled and moved unnaturally. At first I thought it was a skunk and made a move to run so I wouldn’t get

sprayed, but whatever it was took me by the arm.

“What are you doing out here so late?” Greg asked me with anger seething through his voice.

“Who in the hell are you?” I asked completely thrown off rattled with panic.

“Oh, so you go out with him and immediately forget all about me, huh?” Greg snarled.

“Greg?” I asked as I put my left hand on his to loosen his grip on my right arm.

“Bingo!” Greg half screamed into the darkness.

“Did you follow us over here?” I asked, “where’s Cadence?”

“Don’t worry about her,” Greg ordered, “Cadence is a respectful woman who knows when a decent hour to come is.”

“You’re nothing to me,” I said which caused Greg to tighten his grip, “you’re hurting me!”

“Isn’t this what you always wanted?” Greg asked, “you’ve always acted like I needed to slap you around a few times in order for you to see me as a threat.”

“Threat?” I asked, “I don’t see you as anything more than a coward.”

Greg pulled a wrestling move on me which pulled me off of my feet and into his arms. He covered my mouth with his hands and they were too big for me to bite. I tried to scream with no success.

“This is what you’ve always done to me,” Greg started as we neared the darkest part of the park, “anytime I push you away even just a tiny bit you go running into the arms of another man. Then when I do it you flip out and try your hardest to ruin things for me.”

I was panicking. I could let myself lose consciousness. I had to fight if not for myself for Liam who couldn’t be without a father and mother.

Greg carried me behind a tree and then he put me down. We were not visible to anyone on the street and I could hear the whooshing sound from the nearby freeway behind us. As I was placed on my feet Greg released his hand from my mouth.

“You’re going to be sorry for this you piece of s**t!” I screamed before Greg put his hand back over my mouth.

“I’m calling the shots now, sister,” Greg said in a voice I could hardly recognize, “this is what you want. This is what you begged me to do. You’ve always needed me to be single so that you could stomp all over my heart and my feelings. I’m going to remove my hand from your mouth one last time and if you scream so help you God you’ll regret it. Understood?”

I nodded my head yes and within seconds Greg took his hand away from my mouth and I stood there in awe. I couldn’t believe how aggressive Greg was acting after all these months of aloofness and disdain towards me.

“What are you going to do to me?” I asked in a voice barely above a whisper.

“Nothing you don’t want!” Greg almost yelled back before embracing me into a rough kiss which forced his tongue down my mouth, “isn’t this what you wanted me to do in front of my wife?”

“Stop!” I begged him without putting up a fight.

“You know I was almost able to walk away from you forever, but something about you’re ignorance always draws me back in,” Greg started, “we grew up as friends and once you hit puberty and then I things were different and you damn well knew that. I wasn’t able to go to the same school with you or show you off to my friends because you were so…unattainable. Now I’ve had all of you. Goddamn I can’t let you go especially not with a guy like that!”

“Jimmy is my friend,” I managed to say.

“Oh, like and what about the dude I saw you with at that restaurant?” Greg asked sounding quite hurt.

“He’s Eliza’s cousin,” I started, but couldn’t manage to fix.

“You always have the perfect alibi for all these guys running in and out of you bedroom,” Greg told me, “you know I wanted so badly to believe your son was mine, but I’m glad Celia talked me into doing a paternity test.”